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What Words Can't Say

What Words Can't Say

Dec 04, 2023

It used to be that I hated the month of December because it was the month I buried my mother. 7 years ago, December 2nd to the 5th was her funeral. Every year, I used to hate it when this time rolled around because she wasn’t present anymore. The holidays just seemed useless and I didn’t get to see the one person I wanted to see the most. But over the years, I learned to channel through my anger and I realized that the more I hated it, the harder it would be to regain control of my emotions. So when I let go the need to hate the anger and learned to love the pain, only did I realize that it wasn’t hate or anger I was experiencing…it was loneliness. And it was hard to fill because I was chasing after someone who was no longer there physically but I hadn’t welcomed her spiritually.

 

When I changed that thought in mind, I began to see things differently and when the years of her death anniversary rolled around, I felt less angry and more understanding. I allowed my pain to be felt, to be heard, to be understood and then to let go freely without judgment. That was when the pain became a friend and taught me to forgive myself for a lot of things.

 

Sometimes when we haven’t truly mourned someone yet, we find the pain in everything we do from daily chores to conversations we have with people we may not even know. We forget to take care of ourselves and the little eyes that look up to us. We often find comfort in things that may harm our hearts like overeating, damaging our mental health and forgetting to live properly. We end up abusing our bodies and when we finally remember to actually live, weeks and months have gone by.

 

I know that pain…I went through it and it’s no fun. It’s actually very lonely and causes a lot of hurt inside you that no one can reach. As a person, we can be very good at shutting everyone out just to try to feel human again after a loss. It’s one of the things our bodies want to do and perhaps it may feel good at first, but overtime, our minds and bodies end up feeling the exhaustion and we have to remember to come back before we go too far in.

 

Share your pain with someone and have that someone just listen. No words need to be said, just listening will help you to bring yourself back to where you belong. Understanding that you are not alone and that your pace will be different from another. Choose to live for the moments your loved ones could not. Bring them with you everywhere you go in spirit and in heart and celebrate every milestone by expressing your emotions to them in prayers. They are there…in a form you may not see, but there nonetheless. And most importantly, don’t forget to love yourself and know that others love you too.

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