On my mother’s deathbed, she said to me, “I am taking all regrets with me when I die. I leave hope to you.” I asked her as she lay in bed, fighting the pain of cancer, what she regretted the most. She said to me in a low whisper, “I regret not being to be able to do the things I wanted to do. I don’t want that for you.” When she was reaching her last months of life, we puréed all the fruits she loved to eat and yet she took only two bites and vomited it all out. This was when I realized what she meant by saying don’t live your life in regret. It meant…do what your heart wants because when you reach a point like me, you will regret why you didn’t do it while you still could.
When I made the decision to support my husband to find a job away from the state we always were in, this was in the back of my mind. I knew that if I didn’t make the change, I would still be doing the same things asking myself why I couldn’t grow. Sometimes growth will take you out of a place you have called home for a long time and put you in a place where you have to start from the ground up. Each chapter we write our life in has a turning moment and for me, it was when I got exhausted of watching my children go hungry for things I promised I would give them. But I just couldn’t and I got too tired of having to explain myself. I took a long look around what needed changing and my husband and I came to the conclusion to go, even if no one agreed with our plan.
That decision changed our life and the promises I once made to my children about the beach, came true. I was able to take them to the beach to collect seashells, to make sandcastles and to enjoy the view of the ocean. I took a look at the happy faces around me, at my own growth and I was proud of my achievement. The growth that blossomed us was something we needed and it helped us to understand our purpose in each other and in our children. Invest in yourself…because you have earned the right to live life the way you should.
I think of my mother’s last dying words often. It has helped me to reshape my life entirely and I keep myself grounded when I feel I am off balance. It has reminded me to take a second look at what is really important in my life and what can be let go. Sometimes we are afraid of failure so we hold onto something that doesn’t give us hope anymore. We forget that the longer we hold, the more we will become too comfortable to change. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask, “Are you living the life you deserve?” If your answer is no, what needs to be changed? Take the courage to do it so you can be proud when you reflect back.