How do you forgive someone who has left you behind? This is often something we all try so hard to figure out as we wake up each day. Often times, these memories are what triggers us to keep from moving on because they thrive and live inside of us. But we also keep them hidden for fear of reliving the pain. We tell our hearts that it’s going to be ok if we see this person who hasn’t yet acknowledged our pain. We will just run for the exit sign if they should appear.
It has been one year since I’ve had to let someone go who I knew for 7 years. It was one of the hardest decisions ever in my life because I had valued this person’s friendship so much. She had been a light in my life at one point and my shoulder when comfort was hard to find. We finished each other’s thoughts and we were like sisters. And then…somewhere along the way, she lost herself and it bled into the treatment of me and many others. The things I began to see that didn’t align with me and the constant negative thoughts that came from her, made me lose my hope in her. Each time I tried to fix it, it got worse and I got hurt.
I spent a lot of time crying last year because I was stuck in what I needed to do. I loved her deeply and I didn’t want to be seen as an enemy with her. But the more I hung around her, the more I lost myself and my husband came to me and asked me, “What do you tell your followers?” I told him, “I teach them to love themselves and to let go when needed.” This was when he said to me, “Then why are you hanging on when it’s best to let go? She no longer aligns with your thoughts and the more you hang around her, the less you will like who you are.” Still, it was hard for me to decide. But the last straw that made me able to say good-bye without holding back was when she asked me to keep following someone who was unethical in practice. This drove me into a corner where I felt betrayed deeply and I took a breath, exhaled and said, “I’m done.”
It was a hard hit for me and it hasn’t been the same since then. I have removed her from social media but we had been around in the same cycle of networks and I still see her photos from time to time. I used to feel so angry seeing her photos because she had never apologized for what she did. But overtime I learned that she was the type of person who never saw her mistake. She took what she wanted from others and expected everyone around her to just simply give. I forgave her for it and recently, I saw some photos surface from others that included her. My heart wished her well and I hoped that she had found peace because I had been dreaming of her asking me to return to her life. It only proved to me that through this whole time, she would never acknowledge her wrongdoings and still just wanted others to apologize for things she did.
If you know someone like this in your life, the pain is real, and the struggle to forgive is hard to find. But after reading this, I want you to know that time will help you to understand why certain things are done. You don’t have to carry burdens that you have no reason to carry. Through time and proper healing, you can find the will to forgive and let go while the person who did the pain will always think of you.
Love & Light,
Houa