They had their own little tradition, whenever they had a Hashira meeting, Obanai and Sanemi would go to one of their Estates together and discuss everything again. Sometimes they did not discuss a single important thing and were content to spend time together without thinking about demons, families, or dark memories.
As much as he hated alphas, Obanai loved spending time with Sanemi, he was fully aware that Shinazugawa was not interested in him like an alpha might be interested in an omega and Obanai was most definitely not interested in his friend in that way either. But he felt safe next to Sanemi, because despite how mean and tough he looked and acted, deep inside he was mellow and would never let anyone hurt the people he loved. And that made Obanai felt a little bit special, he liked their friendship, they teased each other horribly and they could be cruel to one another, but they could be honest and no one else would ever know anything that was said in one of those little meetings of theirs.
Obanai would be sappy about Mitsuri and Sanemi would roll his eyes and laugh his ass off, but he would turn serious when Obanai finally felt ready to uncovered another broken piece of the puzzle that he was and he would accept it in a second, he would take any dirty secret of his in stride and find a way to make him feel better.
Sanemi was the only person Obanai had shown the scar on his mouth, nervous, ashamed and terrified. Sanemi did not even flinch.
“Do you want to take an inventory of mine?” he had asked, and Obanai felt light and a little freer. He still did not like his face nor his scar and he was still ashamed of it, but at least he knew he had his friend by his side, it did not matter how dirty his blood was.
That time the meeting was at the Wind Estate and the afternoon found them lying in the engawa using their haori as pillows, Obanai’s head next to Sanemi’s feet and vice versa, although due to their height difference Obanai's feet did not quite reach Sanemi's head. They had talked about their respective missions in great detail and had exchanged ideas, but both knew what topic they were avoiding and both wanted to touch on.
“Fine, I give up,” Sanemi said. “Tomioka…” he did not need to say anything else.
“I never thought that I would say this and if you ever tell anyone I did, I will deny it untill the day I die, but I kind of agree with Tomioka for the first time in my whole fucking life and probably also the last,” Obanai replied. “If Shinjuro was actually beating Senjuro up, if they used their voice and their scent on him… I would have taken that child too,” he added.
“There are a ton of ‘if’s’ in that sentence,” Sanemi said, with a smile that did not reach his eyes. “Let's dissect it,” he proposed. “Do you think Rengoku’s father would beat Senjuro and Rengoku would just let it happen?” he asked.
“Look, you know I am forever grateful to them, to Shinjuro in particular and to the family in general, but horrible things can happen behind closed doors, even in the best of families. I know Shinjuro got worse and worse as time went by once Ruka died, so I would not be surprised about it,” Obanai replied from the bottom of his heart. “I also know that the Rengoku family has been part of the demon slayers for years, it is probably the oldest family other than Ubuyashiki-sama's, as a very important family, I would not be surprised if Kyojuro wanted to keep it hush hush, and he did tried to cut in Tomioka when he started talking about it, he did not deny that his father beat his brother bloody, he just tried to stop Tomioka,” he added.
“That is so fucked up,” Sanemi agreed. “For Senjuro to be black and blue, he had been beaten recently, even if Rengoku wanted to keep it quiet, he could have just stopped his father, you know? He is a fucking Hashira at the end of the day,” he said, somewhat disappointed in his colleague.
“What is your honest opinion on commanding voice?” Obanai asked.
“From one to ten, how much honesty do you want from me?” Sanemi replied.
“Honest opinion, Sanemi,” Obanai repeated.
“I have used my commanding voice more than once,” he confessed in front of his friend's surprised face.
“When and on whom?” Obanai asked, trying not to show how upset he was with that confession.
“I have used it on omega demons, it is quite useful,” he said, tense. Obanai rolled his eyes.
“That does not count. On people, Sanemi, have you used it on people?” he asked.
“Yes, I have, if they are in danger or there is a crazy alpha or something like that, you know, I order them to leave before I use my scent on the alpha, you know I can do that too, but usually what effects an alpha can harm an omega a lot so I can not have them there,” he explained. Obanai rolled his eyes so hard he might as well have checked out his own ass.
“Would you use it on your fucking brother to make him clean your clothes?” He had lost his patience two questions ago.
“First of all, I do not have a brother, and second of all, I know how to clean my own damn clothes,” Sanemi replied, using his elbows as support to look at Obanai.
“First of all, you do have a brother and you can not stop thinking about him,” Obanai answered, mocking him, “and second of all, Kyojuro did not seem capable of doing it,” he added. “And what about the scent thing?” Obanai decided to change the topic away from Genya for the time being.
“Scent is a no-no to me, I used it against alphas knowing that I was harming them because they were harming people, but commanding someone by scent is the lowest thing I have ever done. I did it because it would help me to avoid a bloody fight where someone would have gotten killed but I hated every second of it,” Sanemi confessed.
“But that is the difference, you used your scent as a last resort to avoid something worse, what was Kyojuro trying to avoid?” Obanai agreed.
“I do not know man, I do not think he is justified,” Sanemi said, letting his arm fall over his eyes.
“Personal question,” Obanai said, raising his hand to the air.
“Shoot,” Sanemi agreed.
“When was the first time you used your scent on an alpha? How did you discover that power?” Obanai asked.
“Way beyond the comfort line,” Sanemi replied, he would not answer that, way too personal for him.
“Fine, back to Tomioka then,” Obanai dropped that topic, there were some things they would not discuss except on rare occasions, past traumas being one of those. “I kind of felt something akin to appreciation when he stopped Kyojuro when he said that omegas are weak,” Obanai confessed, “Like… not me, but my omega part felt validated, which is fucking funny because he always says ‘I am better than you’ and all that shit, but when Kyojuro said ‘omegas are weak’ Tomoka kind of said that Tokito and I are not weak… or that is what I understood,” he said, blushing slightly under his bandages.
“I took it the same way as you and I am quite surprised. I did not expect that from Tomioka although on second thought, is his sensei not an omega? I mean, that would explain why he is so respectful of Senjuro’s rights or whatever you want to call it,” Sanemi said.
“I can not believe they would lock the poor child up,” Obanai continued after a second of silence.
“I kind of understand the thought process in that,” Sanemi said.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Obanai replied, sitting up to see his friend’s face.
“No, hold on a fucking second, right now the Kamados and their friends are in that house and Rengoku might not be around all the time, so I do understand the thought process in it. What I do not understand is why it was a common practice before the Kamados and why they let him out at night. I mean, I would have done the opposite, let him be while everyone is awake since it is easier for Rengoku to control the situation during the day than at night, while he is sleeping” Sanemi explained. Obanai narrowed his eyes at his friend before giving up and lying back on the ground.
“I found it insulting,” confessed Obanai in turn, talking from experience, “locking someone up… but you are right, I think that the most insulting part is that they let him out to cook and clean while he was in pain and not to coddle him and give him some attention and time to feel safe and loved. We all had something fucked up happend to us, but Rengoku could have spared his little brother the trouble and he decided not to, I think that is the most insulting part to me,” he said.
“I thought Rengoku was different, you know,” Sanemi said, undecided about how to feel.
“I think he did not mean it badly, but he fucked up and does not know what to do about it,” Obanai said. “He was always very respectful towards me and Tokito, that is why I found it so out of character,” he explained.
“I mean, I guess I would be pissed if my brother went to live with Tomioka of all people… I guess I would be mad if my brother decided to run away in the middle of the night and got hurt, but after that… I mean… the clothes thing? That was a tad vindictive from Rengoku’s part, I probably would have scolded the living shit out of him, but I would have sent Tomioka stuff because it is not his fucking responsibility to dress my stupid ass brother and I would never leave him naked” Sanemi replied. Obanai bit his tongue, he was dying to tell him 'did you not just say you do not have a brother?' but he did not do it because there were some things that could jeopardize their friendship and that was not the moment to bring up Genya again.
“Can you promise that if I tell you what I am thinking right now you will not bring it up every time we have one of these meetings?” Sanemi asked out of the blue.
“No,” Obanai was quick to answer, “I can promise that I will not tell anyone else, but I will never promise not to remind you of your mistakes every single time we see each other.”
Sanemi took a second to weigh the pros and cons and with a heavy sigh he let it out.
“If Tomioka were like today more often, I think I could tolerate him,” he confessed as fast as he could, as if his speed would take away from what he had just said.
“You have a crush on fucking Tomioka?” Obanai said cackling at his friend, he barely managed to breath.
“It is not a crush, I said ‘tolerate’,” Sanemi complained.
“Yes and since we are talking about you, that is a marriage proposal,” Obanai replied quickly, shaking with laughter, what an incredible quality of teasing material Sanemi was giving him, and for free.
“What? I would never,” Sanemi said, offended out of his wits.
“Oh… are we still pretending that you do not like men? Sorry, my bad.” Sarcasm oozed from that sentence and Obanai was having the time of his life.
“I…” Sanemi said, too disgruntled to even speak.
“You…” Obanai pushed him a little further, still mocking but, deep down, taking the conversation seriously.
“I like women,” said Sanemi, sitting up.
“Yes, without the ‘wo’ part most of the time,” Obanai replied.
“Obanai, I like women,” Sanemi repeated.
“Fine, why don’t we do a little test? Tell me, when was the last time you had a crush on a woman?” Obanai asked even though he already knew the answer: Kanae.
“I mean… Kanae,” Sanemi murmured.
“Kanae acted like a mother to you and you loved her that way, she was literally the only person you would listen to for advice, but you would have never really have loved her romantically and you know it…” Obanai said, giving him a harsh dose of reality. “You know what, let's compromise so we can save your ego from this mess, I will accept as valid, even if it is not, that you like women and every once in a while there is a man that has the privilege, or misfortune, to be liked by you. Would that cover it? Could you live with that?” Obanai proposed.
“Yes, I could accept that,” Sanemi said, rolling his eyes.
“Tomioka is a very unfortunate man,” Obanai cackled once again, and Sanemi kicked him away, nearly knocking him off the engawa.
“He is not, he is a fucking beta,” Sanemi said, sulking at his friend’s incessant teasing.
“So what? This whole shit show is because you could not have offsprings with him? I do not think so, and us, male omegas have it worse, we are looked down on for our type as if we could do anything against it,” Obanai complained.
“I do not know Obanai, and I do not like Tomioka that way. I was just saying that if he would stop with his ‘I am better’ speech and show some emotion, I might not feel as much desire to punch him in the face every time I see him,” Sanemi tried to clarify to no avail, Obanai would tease him with that no matter how many times Sanemi stated otherwise.
“That is a very strong feeling to have for someone,” Obanai said, “enemies to lovers is a very popular trope, ask Kanroji,” he continued. Sanemi decided against killing his friend, or killing himself for being stupid enough to say that kind of things out loud, and settle for rolling his eyes.
“On a more serious note,” said Obanai once he managed to stop laughing, “I have a problem,” he announced. “As I was forced to confess,” he began, still angry at Rengoku for bringing up his inability to function while he was in heat, “I am not able to do pretty much anything during heat,” he repeated.
“You could ask Tomioka,” Sanemi laughed.
“Fuck you Sanemi, I am thinking about it,” Obanai said. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to even think of myself asking fucking Tomioka to teach me something? It is like admitting he is better than me,” he complained.
“Do you want me to laugh at you or do you want me to make this easier for you?” Sanemi asked, still with a big smile on his face.
“Make it easier,” Obanai replied. That was exactly the reason why he had brought the issue up.
“I dare you to learn to fully function during heat in three months,” Sanemi said.
“Good,” Obanai accepted, narrowing his eyes at his friend. “What do I get if I do it?”
“What do you want?” Sanemi replied.
“If I learn to fully function during heat in five months, you, Tomioka, Kanroji, and I are going out together and you have to convince the two of them to go,” Obanai said, grinning as if he had already succeeded.
Sanemi rolled his eyes, he should have seen it coming but he had played straight into Obanai’s hands. Damn idiot, that was what he was, but there was no going back. Convincing Kanroji would be fairly simple, Tomioka on the other hand… Sanemi did not want to invite Tomioka anywhere so Tomioka could not turn him down again like that time with Kocho’s stupid salmon daikon idea.
“Why am I your friend, again?” Sanemi asked, he was done with that conversation, he was done with that meeting.
“Because the other options are worse,” Obanai replied nonchalantly. “Do you want to spar? let off some steam,” he asked, placidly standing up.
“Let’s go” Sanemi answered, getting back on his feet and walking alongside his friend towards the training grounds.
Sanemi never thought that he would actually be friends with another Hashira, let alone an omega, not after Kanae. He had somehow taken at face value what his father used to repeat day in and day out, even when he had promised to himself that anything his father had ever done or said was wrong.
But the omegas had always seemed weak and unreliable to him and Kanae’s death did nothing but confirm it so, to protect himself from pain, as he had always fought to do, he had decided to stay away from the omegas. But the alpha Hashira did not seem like a bunch he would really enjoy: he respected Himejima and he could handle low doses of Uzui, but the only other option at the time had been Tomioka which meant, to him, he had no options because he would never befriend Tomioka.
Shortly after Kanae’s death, Shinobu took her place, but Sanemi was never able to look at her properly, not with the memory of her sister looming on his mind, and after her, Rengoku joined, reclaiming the place his father had occupied, and he was a nice guy, he really was, but there was something that never really clicked between them.
So when Obanai joined in, Sanemi had made it a point to keep him at a safe distance, which obviously had not worked out as planned. Obanai was the complete opposite of what he expected from an omega: he was a wild cat, he was rude and cruel and he would not let anyone have any kind of control over him, but they clicked and they clicked fast. Obanai would finish Sanemi's sentences and Sanemi would know if any demon slayer were making Obanai uncomfortable. They had become inseparable even though neither of them would accept it in front of anyone, Sanemi would lean on the trunk of the tree Obanai perched on to spend time with his snake. They would talk a ton, they would tease and mock each other mercilessly. Had they been anyone else, someone would have died.
But thankfully they were them and they could criticize everyone as they pleased and discuss…
“Fuck me,” Sanemi said out of the blue.
Obanai stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to look at his friend, whose gaze was lost somewhere in the landscape, or nowhere.
“No, thank you,” Obanai replied, in an effort to snap him out of that catatonic state he seemed to have somehow entered.
“Tch,” was the response he received from Sanemi who picked up his pace towards the training grounds. “We are the fucking gossips of the group,” he clarified.
“We are NOT,” Obanai grumbled, offended for a moment until the sense of what his friend had said sank in. “Are we?”
And they both dissolved into laughter, nobody would ever get to know about their meetups, they had way too much to lose to invite someone else and there was no one they trusted as much as they trusted each other.
Sanemi found himself happily sparring the afternoon away. He could improvise and he could plan out his movements if he wanted. Obanai was always a tough competitor to be taken lightly, he was fast and defensive, and always found a way to get away from him at the last possible second or go straight for his throat when Sanemi least expected it.
But Sanemi was faster and stronger and could spar relentlessly for much longer than Obanai, as soon as Sanemi got him to make one mistake, the match was over. Obanai had managed to beat him his fair share of times, but they knew each other too well and could basically predict each other's every move.
Training with Obanai was a blessing and a curse, neither of them wanted to lose and neither of them knew when to stop, so when the sky turned dark and the sun began to sink below the horizon, they were exhausted and dirty. Their muscles ached with their every move and they were hungry, but neither of them wanted to get up to make dinner, so they just lay there, sprawled on the floor, and breathing heavily.
“I can not stop thinking about Senjuro,” Obanai confessed, the broken bokken still in his hand.
“That is a change from usual,” Sanemi replied, tired Obanai would normally spout his sappy thought about Kanroji.
“It is just… Tomioka? Really?” he said, flinching at the name of his colleague.
“As much as he annoys the shit out of me, I do not think he would actually hurt Senjuro, not on purpose,” Sanemi said, rolling his eyes, waiting for Obanai to attack again on his theory that he liked Tomioka.
“I somewhat agree,” Obanai replied, “but he is a beta, at the end of the day, and even if his sensei was an omega, he does not know how it works or how it feels and I am afraid it would cause Sen to push himself too hard.” he explained.
“Why do you not see him? I mean, if you are going to ask Tomioka to train you, why can he not train the two of you together? You could see Senjuro and make sure Tomioka is not hurting him,” Sanemi said, mustering all her willpower to get back to his feet.
“That is actually a really good idea,” Obanai said, “quite a novelty for you, looks so weird on you,” Obanai quipped with the nerve to even accept his hand to stand up.
“Do you want to cook? I do not,” Sanemi said, ignoring his friend completely.
“Let’s go out to eat something, there has to be something open, we are in your fucking Estate, this area should not know about demons,” Obanai proposed and both took their katanas and walked out of the Wind Estate.
That night Sanemi walked Obanai home, not that Obanai was not capable of defending himself, they both knew he was, but there was no need to put him in a triggering situation and Sanemi did not mind going out of his way, he preferred to know that his friend had made it home without any complications along the way.
Sleep did not come easily for Sanemi that night, or any other night. After so many years sleeping during the day and working at night, readjusting his sleeping schedule was always complicated when he did not have a mission, but he tried.
However, that night was different. His head was nowhere and everywhere at the same time, his muscles ached and his body was exhausted, but he could not sleep, his mind wandered to Genya no matter how many times he tried to pull it away. He attributed the guilt to Obanai, who had made him think of Genya over and over again during their little chit chat that afternoon. The physical exertion of the sparring had been enough to drive the anger out of him for some time, but it had not lasted long enough.
Genya, who was an omega.
Genya, who was not safe and happy with a big family and a smile on his childish chubby little face filled with wonder.
Genya, who might not know how to protect himself during heat because Sanemi had not known omegas could, because even if he had, he would not have known how to teach him.
Genya, whom he could not protect from his father, nor from himself.
Genya, who even when terrified of him had been by his side… until he was no more. Until the words refuse to leave Sanemi’s mouth.
Genya, Genya, Genya.
Should he ask Tomioka to train him?
Should he ask Gyomei?
He most definitely did not want Genya in the demon slayers corps, but learning to defend oneself against alphas was not a skill he would not want for his brother, quite the opposite, actually. Bad people were everywhere, people did not need to be demons to be evil and depraved, and Genya had had such bad examples of alphas in his life: first their father, then him.
What would happen if Genya found a bad alpha? What if he settled for someone like their father? or like him? What if Genya had no choice because he had not been able to defend himself in one heat and someone had bitten him when he was in pain, and alone, and defenseless?
Sanemi tossed and turned on his futon for hours, unable to find a good position or unable to stop his own mind. Vivid images of his worst fears in his head: Genya killed by a demon, Genya being beaten like their father used to beat their mother or how their father used to beat him, Genya being taken by some faceless alpha against his will… if they were just one alpha…
At that point Sanemi decided that he could not stay in bed, he could kill all demons for his brother, he was going to kill them all, it was a promise he was going to fulfill, but he could not go out and kill all the alphas. No, he could not protect Genya from bad people and he could not go back to when they were kids and explain himself, he could not protect him better from a world that was not for children to be in, he could not teach him that pain and love were not the same thing, that “Nemi” was not as good as he thought he was because Nemi was violent, and quick to anger, and he did not understand his own feeling nor how to deal with them, so he kept people at arm's length and would snarl and act out to be left alone… and Genya deserved better than that.
Because Nemi was bad but he would buy his brother a ticket to heaven with his soul if he could.