Hi everyone! It's been a long time since I wrote to you all. I'd like to write more often but whenever I start a post I begin to worry, "Is this too trauma dumpy...." And I get in my head about it so I stop writing.
It's interesting. I've been a writer and an actor for almost 15 years of my life. I've always loved being able to put down my thoughts onto paper/screen/notes app. But lately, I've been afraid to say what I'm really thinking. This "blowup" on Instagram and TikTok is only a year old for me and to be honest, I'm not really sure if I like it. The spectacle of it all is very disorienting but particularly in the work that I do.
There's a pressure to "keep up." To keep on cranking out content. And while others are really good at this- I am not. My work isn't entertainment, I'm not writing a sketch then moving a long. I'm with real people who are really struggling and hearing their stories is also keeping space for them and I haven't figured out the balance to this yet. Work, compassion, organizing, staying informed, while also taking care of my family- yeah. I'm trying to figure it out.
I'm a very B type person. Sure, I love having a structure to my day but with this particular work, I have to balance my regular jobs in order to make my living. I've probably mentioned this before but just because you have a "following" on social media- this does NOT mean you make money.
But that's exactly it. If I'm not making money off of this thing- why am I so afraid to share my thoughts? Shouldn't this liberate my work? My mind? One thing that I'm learning and is very clear to see, everyone is going to have an opinion on how I do my work. And it hinders me from wanting to take any action at all. Not because I don't want to but I genuinely ask myself, "Is this the best way to do it? [NAME HERE WHO ISN'T DOING ANYTHING AT ALL] said I should do it the other way....." Anywho, just a glimpse into the mess in my mind lately.
On a positive note, I've been engaged since April. While we were looking into engagement photos- whoa. They are notttttt cheap. My fiance and I decided that we would just take a disposable around DTLA and have strangers take photos of us instead.
But about a week later, Sunny Park (@sunnyparkphoto), a photographer based in the Bay reached out and she asked if she could take my photos for free! I was shooketh. I took a look at her page and WOW. She is so incredibly talented, she typically shoots weddings but really she's not limited to her work. As I was scrolling down her page, I saw something that caught my eye. They were photos of food and they were so beautiful! Food in motion, if you know what I mean. The colors were so vibrant and really showed the plates of food like art.
Her caption was something along the lines of this. "Hi! If you're in the Bay or LA- I will take photos of your food for a donation. In exchange for my photos, which you can use in perpetuity, I ask for 30 hot to-go meals that I would be easily able to pass out to the houseless community. If you're interested, please DM me."
Honestly, it made me so emotional! This is exactly what I mean by working within what you already have! This is how you can help. I truly believe this is the essence of art. The gift of being creative is given to us and our duty is giving back to the world with your gifts. I've always had a gift of talking to people- the gift of gab if you will. And Sunny is just incredibly with her vision and execution. Anywho, I was so excited to take photos with her and I actually gasped when we received them back.
I'm currently on the East Coast picking up my wedding bands this week. I'll be flying back and having a wedding shortly after. In this time, I'll be taking a large hiatus from social media for a while but I am actively doing my vendor work. I just may not be posting about it because of the following reasons I opened up this essay with. But I truly love you all. Thank you for being a part of this journey.
I've attached a few photos from our session with Sunny and our day strolling around LA. It's not from the disposable, a few photographers were at Union Station RIGHT when our film ran out. Kismet! I hope you enjoy! <3
