July 10th is when I posted my first video asking folks for donations. (BIG AUDIBLE SIGH!!!) I can't believe it. I have many conflicting thoughts and emotions. Yes, I am happy that we were able to find community in the midst of whatever the state of America is. I am also deeply concerned about how we are losing compassion and our humanity at an alarming rate.
I mean. How many people in LA and only 80,000 voted???? What???? With EVERYTHING that's going on??
For anyone reading this- please. Do your best to moderate your social media consumption. (Lol as if I have this on lock- I don't but I'm trying.) That doesn't mean stay uninformed- what I mean is practicing digital hygiene. I notice a huge difference in how much work I can do in the day from when I'm off/on my phone.
I used to use it as an excuse. I used to say, "this is how I digest what is happening in real time. I need to stay informed. I need this for my work." But I actually don't have the tools to regulate myself when I see trauma happening through a screen. We're not witnessing atrocities happening day after day but second by second. When make the effort to regulate how much I'm scrolling, I find I can actually get things done. But when I'm scrolling for too long- I feel paralysis. It literally feels like a heavy metal sheet that is weighing me down. And it makes me feel sluggish and unmotivated.
It's not normal!! It's not normal to see large troves of people being beat to an ad for your favorite artist that's in town. It's not normal to see a children trapped under rubble then to see a highlights from last night's game. It's not normal to see families beg for food and water then see a video of someone doing a mukbang in their car. This digital whiplash is slowly chipping away at our ability to process and sit with our emotions and I'm not sure if we even notice that it's happening.
We need to stay informed but we also need to keep our humanity intact and I can feel that while having a way to share experiences digitally helps us connect- it's also pushing us further apart by not allowing ourselves to feel anything at all.
Anywho, I know it's been a while since I've last posted here and I sincerely apologize. Thank you so much for your patience. A year later, I'm still doing everything on my own. And while I don't see this changing for a while- I do need to implement some type of a schedule instead of just going off the vibes.
Also for what it's worth, I don't make money off of social media. I just have to let you all know. I have not quit my regular jobs because that would mean I have zero income. Sure, I made $8 off of TikTok from views alone. If you count that, then fine. But in order for me to actually make a living, I need to sell a product or be in partnership or something and to be honest- I just cannot for many reasons but also, nothing makes sense for me at the moment. So many "wellness" brands have asked me to sell some supplement and I get so irritated. Pleaseeeee. If you're a company and want me to advertise on your behalf, at the VERY least watch my content and explore how we can be aligned. Helllloooooo???? Is it me???
I have my bar gig and my VO gigs, that's how I'm staying afloat. AND BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU SO THANK YOU!!!!!!!! Thank you for paying for my gas and groceries I am so grateful because in THIS ECONOMY IT IS ROUGH!!!!!!! But truly, you give me that much more time to work for the community and I am eternally grateful to you. Love you all deeply.
SET A TIMER FOR YOUR PHONE DO NOT SPEND LONGER THAN 20 MINUTES ON SOCIALS I AM SO SERIOUS!!!! ok bye bye
<3 Hest