My inner voice.
You are hurt by something that is deeper than you know how to explain.
You have no idea what to do to get through this.
You just need time alone & there is no where to be alone; so you go outside.
Go outside far away from people so you can just look at the clouds.
You have not healed from a lot of things.
The bloodstain on the carpet.
You had to fight the whole way down when you left.
There’s a lot to be mean for but you let it out through time.
Yes, you are going through a hell of some sorts.
No that life has already ended.
You are going through the process of changing.
I don’t want to ether, then don’t. You don’t have to explain yourself to me, so if you don’t have to explain yourself to yourself then you really don’t have to explain yourself to anyone else ether.
You’re the only one who knows what eye has been through. You’re the only one who can change it so why would you try to be like them? Anyone?
I didn’t know what was going on at first ether I just considered myself crazy, yes I’m talking to you, your inside me & I’m inside you we both exists as the same, it’s clear when we’re talking to ourselves cuz there’s no one else to blame.
If something hurts then you know originally it’s you who did something wrong by trusting another person to hold your happiness; even if only for a moment.
You’ve gotta let that die, that part of you that wants love & connection it only exists right here & yes the world around you will call you selfish egotistical even a narcissist because they are projections of your hologram that wants to trap you in silence binding you to a snapping woman who hates everything you do but she wants the idea of you groveling at her feet, it’s a illusion of your fear of being called a narcissist revealing itself over & over by women who really are narcissist.
Cut the need for love & connection out of your heart & throw it away deep into the vastness of space beyond reality where it can’t hurt you anymore.
It’s not going to be here at the end of the day, when it was just me & you lying there on that bed dying even if people were there would they have been able to make it stop? No they can’t & you can’t take anyone or anything with you so why are you letting it hurt now.
I already told you you know your dying in some strange sort of way & you already say your goodbyes in many ways, it’s not a physical death but you know this just can’t keep going on the way it has; your tired, tired of being the one who fixes everyone’s problems & self denies.
your tired of being told to hide your pain so that others can attack you with their own. You’re tired of being alone in a world that will only allow you to be loved if you change for them, who you are where you came from what makes you smile.
“Mine my own my precious.” They say as you let people steel your smile. Why would you want to be here anymore I mean I really get it, if you talk about god your weird & you make ppl call you a know it all. If you talk about romance you’re a sucker & an easy mark to get sacrifices for the fame of someone’s profile. If you talk about sex you’re a pervert & everyone with daddy issues across the world will unite to sabotage anything just so they don’t have to look at themselves.
Why would anyone want to be here. Let it all die. There really isn’t nothing here in this world that matters.
But.
But there is that adorable new child in your life that is about to be 1 years old she sees you & she smiles; there is your children who don’t see you as someone they have to put up with they also see you & they smile.
There’s something special in the way animals look at you almost as if they feel you as one of their own, like you belong in the wild. I’ve never seen a wild thing behave as we humans define the word wild, I’ve seen humans drink to a stupor & tear their own clothes off in attempts to be liked by others now that wild, I’ve seen women set up their husbands just so they could sleep around not because they want to but because their friends say that’s what makes a woman accepted now that’s wild.
But in the wild when there’s no humans around trying to concur a mountain take a picture of how they did something out side I’ve never seen a wild thing behave any other way then very calm, gentle graceful like nothing is or ever will be wrong.
Wild is the human world where most of the time we look for something to be wrong just so we can say yes see I told you there always has to be something wrong.
Wild is the way we look at each other and with a “wild” eye we can see there it is this is what “I” need, let’s take it they don’t deserve it “I” do. How can I get our next feed.
Now that’s what I think is wild, it’s ugly & it’s human, & it’s everywhere I see…
Inner talk by John & Gray Wolf. 