Hello dear readers! Nice to see you stop by for a visit. The sheep are hoping you brought them peanuts today? If not, they may head butt you until you comply!
It’s been a busy week and a half around here. As I said last post, we got our winter hay, and it is glorious! 1460-pound round bales of beautiful grass and alfalfa hay. The alfalfa in it is super bright green and perfectly dry. This hay farmer certainly knows how to put up hay right. The stack yard is set up and we got the fencing around it to keep the marauding sheep and Brady horse off of it.
Huge shout out to my neighbor who came over with that big loader and did the bulk of the unloading while I tooled around on my tractor moving one bale at a time. They got a huge apple cinnamon coffee cake!
Boy child and I dropped a few trees and got firewood split up. Not enough to get thru the winter, but it’s a start. A very late start. The trees we took down were already dead, so I don’t have to wait for them to dry out before burning. There are plenty more standing dead for us to harvest still.
I was asked a few weeks ago to teach at a history event in the town next to me at their museum. That happened on Thursday. I taught an estimated 400 students K-8th grade about wool history and spinning wheels.
It went really well, got lots of interesting questions, most of the about my shoes, the printing press behind me, what are those things in the case (antique typewriters) what does that thing with the wooden wheels do (antique horse drawn fire hose wagon) and are you going to make me a hat cus I want one. All in all it was an adventure, and I had fun. I hope the kids did learn something that will stick with them thru their life.
This has had me thinking more about the adage of doing what you love.
I’ve been feeling like I have seriously lost my mojo when it comes to fiber arts. I have rarely picked up a set of knitting needles, spun, or woven anything this year. It’s not that I don’t love fiber arts. It’s more like I can’t face the fear of failing if I can’t do it right. It’s had me paralyzed to even start something.
Fear of failure is something I have struggled with my whole life. I grew up in a household where every little failure was met with punishment. There was very little approval to be had. Thus, it had me striving for perfection, and if I could not achieve perfection, I just didn’t try where someone would see the failure.
Life with my Rob was easier. Perfection was not demanded or required to be loved. Failure was met with support and a let’s try it again while I help you attitude. I was free to explore new things, fully knowing that in his eyes, it was all good.
I am rapidly approaching the 4 year anniversary of my Rob’s death. In the intervening 4 years, I have mostly secluded myself and have not “exposed” myself to public failure. This teaching gig had me contemplating another possible failure. Not to sound paranoid, but I am aware of some around me who do watch to see if I crash and burn.
One thing that has been pushed to the side is fiber arts. I have a million reasons to create, and one that says no. I know it’s relaxing, it challenges the brain, and a whole host of other things that are all good.
And I need to get back to that.
Knitting, spinning and weaving in my home will allow me to fail where others can’t see! I can rip it out, ask my Rob for help, and try again. I’m actually pretty good at spinning and knitting, mediocre at weaving, so it’s not like I’m taking on something totally new here. The sock machine still gives me pause though.
I know my Rob is here. On hay day, he threw a plastic can of fishing weights down the stairs after I asked for his strength that morning. Scared the living crap out of me, had the house wolf looking for something to attack and the old man dog peeing on the floor. But I know he is here. Boy child had left for work, his window was closed, and he said there is no way that can was near enough to the stairs to leave on its own.
Thanks Rob. I love you and miss you more than you will ever know.
So going into fall, I plan to get back to the process of fiber. Failure and all.
Blessed Be.