[T/N] I apologize for grammar mistakes and incoherencies
Chapter 01.
“Mom... Phii Ton is single!”
“What, Chon? Your voice startled me.”
“Phii Ton is single, mom.”
“And?”
“Wow, mom! If he doesn't have an owner, I can look at him without feeling guilty.” He explained the reason while looking at his mom's surprised face, glancing at the smartphone screen she was playing with.
In the big house, he lives with only his mother. As for his father, he passed away when he was a child. This made him close to his mother, they can talk about everything, including him secretly liking Phii Ton.
“Mother, I know. I was talking with Aunt Tai, and she said that Ton and her broke up completely. Aunt Tai said that Ton is almost like a different person, even though they have been together for seven or eight years.”
“How pitiful. Tell Aunt Tai she should send Phii Ton this way. Chonlathee comforted himself.” Sitting down on the chair next to Mother Nam, he took an apple from the plate in front of him and ate it casually, “Tell Aunt Tai to catch
Phii Ton and throw him in a bag then bring him this way.”
“Make sure to do a good job, Chon. Because in two or three days, Ton will come and stay at our neighbor's house.”
“If Phii Ton sees me now, he will know that I'm gay. What!!!?” The apple that he was biting fell onto the table almost instantly. He looked at the person talking with wide eyes, “What did mother say?”
“I said that Ton will be staying in our neighbor's house. Why would it be surprising? It's his house, of course, he will stay there. It's not strange.”
“Mother, you are speaking the truth. You are not lying to me.” …Clearly Chon was panicking.
“Why would I lie to you? But I think that Ton might be surprised to see you now. You should take off that pink wig from your head. It's bigger than your face.”
“I think it looks cute.” Chonlathee stood up from the chair he was sitting on and quickly grabbed a small hand mirror that was not far away, holding it in his hand.
He looked at his reflection in the mirror, after many years of not seeing each other. He had changed completely. But before, he was just like any other boy, because he didn't realize that he liked boys. But after Phii Ton went to study in Bangkok until now, he realized himself that he wasn't interested in girls at all. His round eyes that usually wore contact lenses instead of glasses made him look cute and fresh at all times. A small nose and slightly curved lips, his fair skin was naturally white. Although he didn't wear much makeup, he still didn't look mannish, like many girls who wear makeup. But overall, he wasn't a handsome and manly man.
“Mother, if Phii Ton sees me, will he know that I am gay?”
“I don't know. You haven't seen each other for many years.”
“I'm afraid Phii Ton won't be able to accept it. Then I won't get close to him. Actually, I don't ask for much. Just to secretly like him from a close distance is enough.”
“You are always so cunning, my child. If it were me, I would wear my heart on my sleeve. If you don't speak up, you won't win. That's what I did to court your father.”
“That's you, mother. It's not me. It's better not to talk anymore. I'm going to cut my hair short, so it's longer than this. The longer it is, the more like a girl I will look.” He took off the pink wig that was stuck to the big bow on his head. He combed his hair that fell along his face, then smiled widely before standing up.
“Which car would you take out, Chon?”
“Pink milk.” Referring to the pink Volkswagen New Beetle, his favorite car.
“Don't drive fast, it's dangerous.”
“Yes, I know.”
A luxurious car drove along the coastal road in Chonburi Province. The music in the car was playing loudly. The owner of the car sang along happily. Chonlathee enjoyed this road because on one side, he could see the sea reflecting the bright sunlight, and on the other side, it was filled with shops reflecting the lifestyle of the people.
Initially, he planned to stay at home and watch Korean dramas. But after hearing that Phii Ton would be visiting in two or three days, he decided to go out and get a haircut, facial massage, and buy new clothes instead. And the person he had to meet wasn't just anyone, but Kaem, his close friend.
Chonlathee parked the car but didn't turn off the engine in front of a house. He picked up his phone and called Kaem. In no time, a bright figure walked in and sat beside the driver.
“I was about to invite you somewhere. But I barely had time to put on makeup, and why are you wearing glasses? Hey, Chon, didn't I tell you that glasses aren't attractive?” Kaem adjusted the seatbelt while looking puzzled when seeing Chonlathee wearing prescription glasses instead of contact lenses that he usually wore.
“When I wear contact lenses, do you think I look cute? I have to keep some things hidden. I have to love and cherish myself while waiting for someone to adore me.”
“Who? Your admirer, Chonlathee.”
“There's only one person with a tattoo of an anchor right on their chest.” “It's Phii Ton. The person you admire. But he's someone else's husband.
Seriously, when will you stop admiring him and find a girlfriend for yourself? You're so handsome and come from a wealthy family. What can you gain from being with a man who already has an owner?” “They broke up. Confirmed by Phii Ton's mother.”
“Then go and pursue him, Chon.”
“Are you crazy? Phii Ton likes women.”
“Hey! What era are you living in? Just because someone likes women doesn't mean they can't like men too. You aren't classified as gay just because of your appearance. You silly person.”
“Where did you get the idea that I'm gay? No, never. I don't have any interest in other men. Besides buying gifts for Phii Ton, I've never bought anything for any man.”
“Concert tickets and meeting celebrities. Isn't that a hint that you're more interested in buying gifts for Phii Ton?”
“Oh... let's leave that question in a context that we both understand.” Chonlathee let go of one hand from the steering wheel and pushed the glasses that had slid down back up to the bridge of his nose. Before making a turn to the entrance of the shopping mall, he steered the car.
“You have to pursue Phii Ton, you should...”
“Can't do it.” He replied with a dismissive shake of his head.
“So, I can't help... Just asking for real, Chon. This guy has a lot of admirers.
Why are you infatuated with him?”
“I don't know.” He didn't directly answer Kaem’s question, just smiled and replayed thinking about his own thoughts.
Our houses are next to each other because Phii Ton's mother is from Chonburi province. And they are also close friends with Mother-Nam, so we became friends since we were kids. Although Phii Ton later moved to Bangkok for good, we still managed to see each other occasionally.
There's only a two-year gap between me and Phii Ton. We went to the same school from kindergarten to high school.
He has been popular since we were kids. He was bigger than kids his age, so he often became the leader at school.
My impression of Phii Ton during childhood was immeasurable. Whether it was when he was being bullied by older kids because he was too cute, Phii Ton would go fight them to get revenge, or when our families made plans to go out together. That time, he ran and got stung by a bee on his foot and couldn't walk anymore. But Phii Ton carried him on his back and walked back to his parents. In addition to this, he also had many good memories that he kept. The memories that were a gateway to their secret love.
“Chon, hey Chon, that spot over there is empty. Go park there.”
“Oh...”
“Go drive around again.”
“Oh sorry, I keep thinking about something. What do you want to buy, Kaem? I was thinking of going to check it out. I'm planning to stay at the dormitory in Bangkok.”
“I don't know. Let's go look around first, and then where are you going to stay? I really wish we could stay together. How about sharing a room?” “I still don't know. But I told my mom that I want to stay in the same dorm as
Phii Ton. I wonder if there are any available rooms?”
“Why don't you just share with him? It would be good for both of you, Phii Ton might even get jealous. Oops! I said something I shouldn't have.” “...Well, that's a good idea.” Chonlathee looked at his dear friend who had just walked into the mall, used his hands to pat his chest when he remembered, “If Phii Ton wakes up, he might become my boyfriend.”
“Are you brave enough?”
“Why not? But if I can live with him, I will be closer to Phii Ton than before.”
“You have to be manly.”
“Mm.”
“Can I be your girlfriend?”
“No, I don't want to. I'm afraid of getting struck by lightning... hey Kaem, I think that man is just like Phii Ton.” Kaem looked at the tall figure in the coffee shop. He came this way because he wanted something sweet. But before he stepped into the shop, he stumbled upon a tall figure that happened to be looking in the same direction.
His sharp and piercing eyes, his prominent nose, and his mouth, begging to be kissed.
He looks at his picture every day, so why can't he get him out of his mind! That's truly Phii Ton in real life, with his real voice, handsome without a screen to look through. He's incredibly manly. Even though he's just wearing a plain white t-shirt and regular jeans, he finishes it off with sneakers worth several hundred.
And look at his appearance now. A pink oversized t-shirt from Korea with shorts and a ponytail on top. Chonlathee thought Chonlathee was someone worth admiring.
No! No! No! Phii Ton can't see him like this. It's not the right time to meet. “Hey, Mom said Phii Ton will come in two or three days. Oh, Kaem, I am embarrassed. I'm not okay.” Chon grabbed her friend's arm and walked with her head down, trying to avoid being seen. He saw Phii Ton looking at him for a moment, along with his raised eyebrows.
Don't let him see. Don't let him see me like this now.
“Chon, where are you taking me?”
“Can't stay here anymore. We have to escape!”
“What?!”
Kaem let out a whimper as he was dragged away, seemingly down the fire escape stairs. Until he realized that she was being brought into the basement.
She collapsed and sat down, exhausted.
“The real Phii Ton... even more handsome than in the picture, Kaem.”
“Who? I haven't even seen him yet.”
“The one wearing a white shirt with a bossy face.”
“Oh...” Kaem made a sound of acceptance as he replayed the events at the coffee shop in his mind. Even though he didn't look at his face, he could clearly see that tall figure, “Electric poles and kilowatt pillar, Chon.”
“I never thought Phii Ton would be that tall.” Chonlathee tried to control his breathing and placed Kaem's small hand on his own heart.
Thump, thump. The sound echoed like gunfire.
“My heart is beating so fast.”
“And that's why you ran away?”
“No, I ran because I didn't want Phii Ton to see me in this state. I'm wearing my Melody attire. But I dressed up a bit. He saw me, you know. If he sees me like this, it won't look good at all.”
“Why are you afraid that he will find out that you are gay?”
“Before Phii Ton moved, I was manly. I just realized that I like men when he left.”
“So you don't want him to know that you've changed, afraid that he will reject you.”
“Something like that.”
“Then what should I do? He's coming.”
“Go get a haircut like you planned, a manly style and buy clothes that make you look like a man before going home. You have to help me pick out the clothes, you little brat. Buy enough to wear for several days.”
“Fine, but let me rest first. I feel exhausted from running.”
“I can't catch my breath. I feel like I am going to die.”
The two besties secretly exchanged glances once, then finally agreed to take a deep breath together.
From now on, he will be Chonlathee the man. He must show Phii Ton what he's made of!
…
The pink Volkswagen New Beetle quietly parked in the parking lot filled with luxury cars. Chonlathee knows that his own family is quite prestigious, and on top of that, Ton's family holds influence in the province, resulting in a properly sized house. But never before has he felt that the house is so spacious as today, perhaps because there is a car parked in front... undoubtedly Phii Ton's car. Because his mother just messaged to say that Phii Ton dropped off his belongings at their house, so they prepared to have dinner together.
And all of that must be the reason for him feeling that the house is spacious.
Because he himself feels smaller and smaller.
It must be a funny sight, having to cautiously walk into his own house. He admits that his heart is pounding. The closer he gets to the living room, the more he can hear the loud voices of people chatting, making his heart race even more.
Chonlathee leaned against one side of the wall, still not daring to walk inside. He checked himself again in the unfamiliar clothes. Still sticking to the oversized shirt but changed from bright colors to neutral tones like gray, black, and white, combined with long black pants matching the shirt, and the hair that was cut short and neat. He found that he looked really good, more masculine and charming.
Just calm down. He couldn't escape the fact that he looked cute.
“Chon... come in, why are you standing quietly in there?” The familiar voice made his face blush.
Why did his mother hurry to call him? He still hasn't settled his nerves. Excitement made his hands cold. But because he didn't want any suspicion, he had to bravely walk in.
“Yes.” He confidently walked into the reception hall, but his eyes were fixed on his own feet. He dared not look at anyone.
“Is that really you, Chonlathee? You've grown so much that I almost couldn't recognize you. You look just like Aunt Nam.”
“Um...hello, Phii Ton.” He raised his hand to greet the tall figure sitting on the sofa, realizing that he was being stared at from head to toe. He couldn't help but feel self-conscious and tried to avoid eye contact. Before regaining his composure and looking at Phii Ton clearly, they unexpectedly met each other and ran away in opposite directions in the mall.
He prayed that Phii Ton wouldn't recognize the small boy in the pink shirt. “He rarely eats. Ton, do you still recognize him? When you were kids, he used to follow you around all the time.”
“He used to recognize me so easily when I was a kid. But now...if we meet outside, I probably wouldn't recognize him.” Phii Ton smiled back, seeming to force a smile more than the other party. This was a painful encounter. How could he smile brightly and cheerfully?
“Do you think he is cute? If so I will give him to you.”
“Yes?”
“Mom!” Chonlathee's body tensed, and his eyes widened when he looked at his own mother.
What? What did you say? What are you asking to give over?
“Chon will be studying in the same school as you, Ton. I forgot to tell you that. No matter what, please take care of him. It's only a month before the new semester begins. We still haven't seen the dormitory. Ton, do you have a vacant room? If you two can stay in the same dorm, I'll feel relieved knowing that Chon is not alone. We have only been living just the two of us together all the time. I'm worried about him if he has to stay alone.”
It's great, mom! Let's work together to make a living and get closer to Phii Ton a little bit more.
“I'm not sure, auntie. But my mom suggested that he should try staying with me first. The room is spacious, and she wants me to stay with him for a semester. She's afraid that you will be restless and impulsive, just like her. Your mom tends to overthink things like this. But if Chon is going to stay with me,
I'm not sure if you will feel cramped.”
That's great, Aunt Tai. I love you the most!
“It won't be cramped, dear!” He accidentally blurted out loudly, almost stifling his excitement. He couldn't take it anymore. When he heard that aunt Tao agreed to let him stay with Phii Ton, “That's great! At first, I was very worried and scared about him staying alone.”
“Then let's try this first. Chon, stay with Ton for a semester. Get to know each other slowly, and then let's see. Are you hungry or not? I will see what Aunt Aew cooked for us today. You kids can chat for a while. If the table is set, someone will come to call you.”
“Yes.” He answered, still excited about meeting someone he secretly liked for many years. Before he looked at his own mother walking closer, he whispered something to hear it between the two of them.
“Me and your Aunt Tai have opened the way. Fight, Chonlathee, you brave boy! Get him.”
“Mom...”
Why doesn't Mom understand that being close is enough? …
“What? Haven't seen each other for a long time and you haven't grown at all.
I'm so tall, my shoulders are at your height.”
“...Uh, Phii Ton, you are too tall.” Chon nearly forgot to breathe when Phii Ton walked in and stood in front of him. Phii Ton even measured their height by grabbing his head.
Being this close, I want to be the wind... Phii Ton even replaced his pronoun and used the vulgar tone. The more he looked rude and manly, the more I became a heap of nothing.
Impressed...
“No, my friends are about this height. Even my girlfriend is taller than you.
Oh? We're not even dating anymore.”
I noticed that Phii Ton's face looked down when talking about his ex-girlfriend. It seemed like they had just broken up. It looked like he wasn't familiar with the single status yet, and it was his responsibility. He had to quickly get rid of the excitement and urge Phii Ton to change the topic.
“Are you tired from driving?”
“A little bit. Came from Nan. Just went on a trip with friends.”
“I've never been to Nan before.” He paused, then continued, “At first, Mom said that Phii Ton would come in two more days. I was surprised and a bit shocked when Mom told me you were already at home.”
It wasn't just a bit shocking. It felt more like being haunted by a ghost. “I don't know where to go, so it's better to relax at home. The sea and trees might help improve my mood.”
“Okay.”
“And you won't be crowded with me around, right?”
“No.”
“If it's crowded, just say it. I'm not someone who finds it hard to live with others, especially when my friend is insane. I can still live with it... Your house has changed a lot. It's been many years since I last came.”
“Yes, it's been many years since we last met. Most of the time, only Aunt Tai came to see Mom. I always wondered why Phii Ton and Uncle didn't come too.”
“Dad went to foreign countries and would drag me there every school break.
But this break, I asked to stay and rest outside the city.”
“Things will get better.”
“Will you come over to keep me accompanied at home while I am here, like when we were kids? So I don't have to think about her.”
“There aren't many mountains here. Mostly water, just the sea.” As soon as he finished talking, he heard the voice of a grown man laughing. I, who had just had my hair cut and styled nicely, was messed up with a heavy hand.
“All messed up now. I just went to get a haircut.”
“You're funny.”
“How so?”
“Nevermind. It's fine.”
Phii Ton changed from rubbing Chon’s hair to smoothing his own.
He slicked back his hair and smiled, showing off his beautiful white teeth. You win, I give up. I lose to being charmed by a man slicking back his hair and smiling like this...
Chapter 02.
After having dinner at Chonlathee's house, he offered to drive Phii Ton home since he hadn't been home for a while. Little did he know that Phii Ton would get lost in his own house because he wanted to walk around and talk endlessly.
He discovered another surprising thing about Phii Ton. Apart from growing up and becoming more mature, he had become more rough and uncouth. In his hands, Phii Ton now had a pack of cigarettes. Not to mention the faint white smoke swirling in the air, it even had a pungent smell.
“Cough... cough...”
“Does it smell bad?”
“A little bit. I'm not used to the smell of cigarettes.” He replied, covering his nose with his hand. He didn't expect the other party to pay so much attention that he would throw the cigarette on the floor and use his foot to put it out.
“If you don’t like it then I will not smoke.”
“I didn't say you did anything. I just don't like the smell, that's all.”
“That's it.. I'm not a regular smoker, but lately I've been stressed so I've been smoking more.”
“Alright. If you're stressed, how about we go out tomorrow? Let's watch a movie together.” He invited the person who had a disappointed look on his face once again. He didn't like seeing Phii Ton sad like this. Why would Amp be so cruel as to leave him.
“Sure, I better find something to do.”
“Because you play basketball, right? You're so tall.” Chonlathee raised his gaze to the towering figure of the other party, thinking of what Kaem said about him and Phii Ton being a lamp post and a kilometer pole. “Maybe. But you're cheeky, and your face is as sweet as a girl's.” “I'm a man.”
... just a bit flirtatious.
Flirting with friends. But seriously...
“Um... I know. Come in, let's go inside. Accompany me for now.”
“Okay, I am not in a hurry anywhere.” He watched the tall man insert the key into the two-story modern-style house. He knew that Aunt Tai liked plants, so the area around the house was filled with the fragrance of flowers, some blooming, some fragrant, especially at night.
“And how are you going home?”
“On foot, just like this.”
“Aren't you afraid?”
“Afraid of what? There's nothing scary here. I've been here since I was a child.”
“Ghosts maybe? The lights in front are out. It's pitch black.” “Are you scared, Phii Ton? That's why you threatened me earlier.” He laughed a little. Because he wasn't a scared person, not afraid of ghosts, bugs, or insects. He was strong... strong and manly.
“No, I'm not scared.”
“But people say that this area is haunted. Because it used to be an old cemetery.”
“When will you stop talking about the old cemetery? It's depressing.”
“Look at your pale face when you talk about ghosts.”
“Fine then, stop talking. It's annoying... because it's you. You'll be responsible for waiting until I finish showering, and then we can go back.”
“If you're scared, tonight you can sleep with me.” Chonlathee didn't know why Phii Ton asked that. He looked at the other person's silent shadow for a long time before Phii Ton finally replied.
“Alright, what about clothes?”
“I'll borrow your car to go back and get them. Our houses are so close. Give me your car keys. Just for a moment.” Chonlathee reached out in front, the dim light allowing their shadows to be seen, and Phii Ton had to search for his hand to hand over the keys.
The warm touch of their hands made Chon’s heart beat faster. The car keys were now in his hands before the warmth of the thick hands dissipated. “I think we should turn on the lights first. It's too dark, you might trip and get injured.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot to turn on the lights.” The tall man complained as he walked to the light switch. Shortly after, the area was replaced with bright light, and at the same time, he stood up from the chair.
“Then I'll go and come back quickly.”
“Hey, Chon...”
“Yes?”
“Hurry up and come. I don't want to be alone tonight.”
Chonlathee didn't take long to drive back home again with two sets of clothes - one for sleeping and one for tomorrow. He stopped to tell his mother that he was coming to spend the night with Phii Ton. Before leaving, his mother gave him a knowing look, and then turned back to focus on the TV drama.
He turned off the engine of the Lexus ES 350, and it became quiet. He felt a bit uncomfortable due to the length of the car, as he usually preferred driving smaller cars. However, the cool fragrance and lingering scent of nicotine from the true owner of the car made him feel good.
It looked like Phii Ton had finished bathing before he arrived. He stepped out, tall and stood waiting for him at the front door.
“Took you long enough.”
“Did you miss me? It's only been twenty minutes.” He hung the clothes on a hanger and gave a smile to the busy man, whose face seemed worn out. However, Phii Ton didn't get mad. He was just hot-tempered and annoyed.
“Want to have a beer?”
“No, thank you. I'm fine. I don't drink.” He stopped walking closer to the tall man. He could smell the soap coming from Phii Ton, who was now wearing only shorts, revealing well-built muscles that had looked so real in the photos. “Let's go inside quickly. Please take off your wet shirt. I'm afraid you won't feel well.”
“I'm strong enough. I don't get sick easily.”
“Prevention is better than cure.” He smiled wider, looking at a tattoo of a rotating ship on a wide back and a long leg striding towards the house, then led the way to the kitchen.
It had been a while since he entered the backyard house. Despite being not as spacious as his own house, it wasn't cramped either. It was just the right size to be able to see another person with your own eyes.
“Go take a shower, so you can sleep. You can use the bathroom upstairs or here, whichever is more convenient for you.”
“Sure, what about you, Phii Ton? Will you have a beer?”
“No, not really. I don't have any friends to drink with. I don't drink. I just came to get some water. Want me to pour you some?”
“No problem. I'd better take a shower first. You must be tired from driving, so you can rest.” Chonlathee walked and placed the clothes for tomorrow on one part of the sofa, meant for sleeping. He intended to walk and enter the bathroom.
If it weren't for the sound of footsteps calling him to stop.
“Are you going to shower with your glasses on, Chon?”
“I forgot that I was wearing glasses.” He was about to take off his glasses, but it seems that the person who placed the glass of water on the counter to cook is faster. Because with just a few steps, he reached and held his glasses to take them off himself.
His vision was quite short, just enough to make his face blurry when looking directly at it. So he didn't see how Phii Ton's eyes are looking at him now. “Like a woman, fuck. If you had boobs and long hair, that would be enough.” Phii Ton didn't say anything, but his wooden hand still reached his chest, jokingly brushing his face. He flinched and almost couldn't escape.
“If you speak like that again, I'll get angry.”
“You're angry about what?...”
“I am a man.”
... He probably didn't think that Phii Ton would be angry because he thought he looked like a woman, but he would be more angry if the other party constantly touched him like this. When they were kids, they used to sleep cuddling and kiss each other's cheeks. It was okay because he didn't know, but now he feels sensitive to Phii Ton's touch. It might be better to stay away from him.
“My friend is more like a man than you.”
“If you keep standing there chatting me up, when will I get to go take a shower?”
“...Seeing your calm face and hot-headedness, it's just like me. You can go in.
I'll sit and watch TV.”
“That's fine. Because I tend to take a long shower.” He didn't mind that the other party pushed him into the bathroom. As soon as his bare feet touched the moisture, the door closed.
“You smell good and clean. You don't have to shower too much.”
...I smell good? Did he smell it or how did he know it smelled good? Chonlathee took a long time in the bathroom, as he said, before he could come out with his pajamas. The big guy sitting and watching TV settled down and closed his eyes tightly, ready to fall asleep.
He wasn't sure if the other party was deeply asleep, but when he walked closer, Phii Ton still didn't sense anything, so he assumed it was deep enough. But when he walked to find a blanket, the muffled sound became louder even though the other party still had his eyes closed.
“Where are you going?”
“Find a blanket. Phii Ton, aren't you asleep?”
“Not sleeping. This break, I can't sleep much.”
“Can't eat, can't sleep, heavy-hearted. It must be tough, right?” He said with a smile, noticing the other party from the dining table. Phii Ton ate a few bites and put the spoon down, making him feel full quickly.
“I'm going to smoke. It will have a little smell. Can we sleep in the same bed if I have a smoky scent around me? If not, I won't smoke.”
“That's fine, no problem.” He agreed and looked up at the tall figure leading him to the second floor of the house. Before walking upstairs as if he knew the way.
I remember that Phii Ton's room had to be walked to the right after walking up to the top of the stairs. It's a small room with a balcony jutting out in front, separated from the outside by a sliding glass door with no curtains.
“I'm going out to smoke outside.”
“Just one cigarette should be enough. It's not good.”
“Oh, just one cigarette.”
Chonlathee walked over and sat down on the wide bed, watching as Phii Ton leaned out of the window to smoke a cigarette. He looked lonely and lost, as if he was thinking about someone.
I wonder if he forgot or if he still knows that there is another person here. It's a friend to talk to, to alleviate the loneliness if the other person wants it. I'll stay here if Phii Ton doesn't want to be alone.
After a while, the tall, slender figure finally returned to the bed, accompanied by a faint scent of nicotine. Just as he chose one corner of the wide bed to sleep.
“Can I sleep on this side, or do you want to sleep here?”
“You can sleep wherever you want, I'll sleep wherever.”
“Please go to sleep. Rest. It will prevent you from being restless.” He lay down with a thick blanket and pulled it up, as the temperature in the room decreased due to the air conditioning.
“It doesn't matter if I'm restless. There's no one worrying about me.”
“There's AuntieTai... and there's many others.” ...And then, there's him. He turned around and lay on his side, facing away from the other person. He still forgot to close his eyes and noticed that the lights in the room had turned off, and the trembling of the springs on the bed indicated that Phii Ton had also gone to sleep.
The scent of nicotine was still present. Combined with the scent of soap, it made breathing difficult. “Have you ever been in love?”
“Yes, but I didn't expect anything in return because I knew that that person would never love me back.”
“Doesn't it hurt?”
“No. I don't want to own the person. Just being able to secretly love, show concern, and offer comfort when they are hurt is enough for me.”
“So you've loved someone without wanting to own them.”
“I think we should go to sleep. Good night, Phii Ton.”
“Alright, good night.”
He closed his eyes, suppressing his emotions. Now that the voice that spoke a moment ago had become silent. It took a great effort not to turn and look at the person lying in the same bed.
That's right. Is it possible to love someone without wanting to own them? To want them to be close. And when they are close, to dream of being embraced.
Even though he knows that thinking like this is not good for himself at all. Chonlathee couldn't remember when he had accidentally fallen asleep, but he suddenly felt the warmth of the gentle sunlight. He thought the sun wouldn't make him too hot, but the feeling of stuffiness in his body made him have to open his eyes.
“Phii Ton...” He realized what actually caused him to feel hot. It must be because the thick, big arm of the person next to him was lying on him, weighing him down. And when he tried to lift it, the other person expressed dissatisfaction and pulled him back, using his other arm as support.
“Phii Ton, wake up!”
“I want to sleep!”
“Your arm is on top of me, and it's heavy. I can't lift your arm off. Please wake up. It's time to go.”
And remember who he is.
“I don't want to wake up. I haven't slept deeply like this for a long time.”
“Well, that's good.”
“I feel comfortable here.”
“Or maybe it's because I'm tired from a long journey.”
“Really? Maybe. What time is it?” His long arms that used to rest on him reached for the phone. It didn't take long to find it. “It's ten o'clock. Who's calling… Amp?”
“Should I answer it?” He asked, getting up and preparing to leave to give the other person some privacy. “If you want me to answer it, I'll go outside.”
“No need. I don't want to talk.”
“Alright.”
“And you invited me to watch a movie today, then go to the mall for lunch.
It's late like this.”
“What do you want to eat?”
“Grilled meat. I like eating meat.”
“Okay, but Phii Ton. I forgot to grab my wallet last night. Can you drive me to get it at home later?”
“No need. I'll treat you. You can't refuse.”
“If that's the case, then it's okay. And I'll treat you back another day. Which day is good?”
“On the day I help you move your things into the dorm. I would be hungry for sure, like Chonlathee. What would you like me to treat you to?” “Anything you want, but right now I need to find my glasses to wear first. Because I'm nearsighted and can't see anything without them.” Chonlathee smiled and lightly patted his hair before Phii Ton got up to find his glasses to give him.
“You're still good-looking even nearsighted, Chon.”
They arrived at the mall with Phii Ton at almost noon. They bought tickets for the movie they wanted to watch before going to the grilled meat restaurant.
“You know, I haven't eaten grilled meat in a long time.”
“Why?” Phii Ton looked at his face and suddenly mentioned eating grilled meat. Maybe he was joking. Because they had beer together, or because he wanted to talk about it without any reason. “Amp doesn't eat meat, she's a vegetarian.”
“Do you still miss Phii Amp a lot?” Maybe his words provoked some feelings in Phii Ton. In the end, the person who started the topic about grilled meat fell silent, except for slowly putting the meat in his mouth and speaking at the same time.
“Yes, a lot. Amp and I have been together for a long time. I have imagined a future with her, but in the end, she chose someone else.”
“Maybe it's because you and her aren't compatible. Phii Ton, you're goodlooking, so it's easy to find a new beautiful girlfriend.”
“Do you know anything, Chon? I have never seen anyone more beautiful than Amp.”
“I have seen a picture of Phii Amp... a picture with you, she is really beautiful. I can't argue with that.” Chonlathee flipped the meat on the grill. He talked about Phii Ton casually. Although he felt a bit jealous, it didn't bother him too much. “The meat is ready.”
“Thank you.”
“Phii, why don't you find someone to mend your broken heart? They say if you want to forget quickly after a breakup, find someone new to replace them.”
“I don't want that. I prefer to stay alone. I haven't forgotten my ex yet. I don't want someone new to feel uncomfortable. If I feel lonely, I'll talk to my mom or you, or if you have any problems, why am I already annoying you after a day?”
“I am not annoyed, Phii. I can keep talking to you. Also, I'll be moving to the dorm soon, so you won't feel lonely. I have my own issues to deal with. I understand.” Chonlathee smiled and added more meat to Ton's plate. When he saw that the other's beer was empty and he seemed like he wanted more, he slapped his hand holding the stainless steel tongs, “That's enough. Don't get drunk because I won't be able to drive you home. I'm not good at driving.”
“Are you a junior or my mom?”
“I'm your junior, or do I look like someone else to you?” He laughed, enjoying Phii Ton's annoyed expression more than his sad one.
“Well... why do you keep adding meat for me then? Share it. So that you can grow bigger than me.”
“No, Phii. I'm on a diet.”
While they were busy serving meat onto their plates because they were starting to feel full, the phone that was placed next to Phii Ton shook. The displayed name made his face and demeanor change. Even without being told, it was clear who was calling.
“It's Amp.” and it was confirmed by Phii Ton himself.
“Do you want to talk?”
“I don't want to. Let it keep ringing like this. Whenever I want to talk and clear my mind, she doesn't want to talk to me.”
“That's not fair, Phii. Leaving things like this.” He paused, understanding the situation, before reaching out to pick up the other's phone and placing it next to him, “Just leave it with me. That way, you won't have to see it.”
“Hmm.” Phii Ton lowered his face, putting a piece of meat into his mouth. He then raised his head to tell him calmly, “But I think I should talk to Amp and settle things. Can you give me back the phone?”
“Sure, Phii.” He sighed heavily, withdrawing his hand holding the grilled meat from the grill. He handed the continuously shaking phone back to Phii Ton. He saw with his own two full eyes that the caller was still the same person, “I think she must have something important to talk to you about since she keeps calling.”
“Hmm... I'll come back in a moment. You wait here.”
There was no response, just a gaze at the tall figure of Phii Ton walking away with an inexplicably explained feeling. It felt like something was stuck in his chest, a tightness that couldn't be explained. It felt suffocating.