[T/N] I apologize for grammar mistakes and incoherencies
Chapter 89: #7.
“Please line up, line up!”
One person shouted loudly, while the students were organizing tables to sell tickets, and the line was so long that it curved three times. On the large black poster hanging on the wall next to them, it displayed the names of the actors along with their photos. When Sangwoo saw the picture of someone placed in the front, he ran in immediately.
[Chapter ‘The Famous Pirate’ Francis - Jang Jaeyoung.]
Inside the rectangular frame, approximately the size of a card, was Jaeyoung in the make-up section of the pirate, looking proud, wearing a tilted hat and a fake beard.
“...”
Sangwoo stood still like a person stuck to the floor and stared at the photo for a moment before walking calmly to the end of the line. Then he felt like he had become a fool, but he had no other choice.
The line slowly shortened. Sangwoo walked forward step by step, enduring amidst the crowd screaming like monkeys. As he waited continuously, he reached the queue of the person in front, a young woman buying six tickets.
Then the two students who were selling tickets high-fived each other.
“Wow! It’s the real exam period, but it still ended within thirty-five minutes.
You’re really something.”
“See? I did a good deal by putting it in front.”
“But he’s not the protagonist. The advertisement is too exaggerated, he might be criticized.”
“He appeared first according to the representation. Well, what about next semester?”
Although Sangwoo was seen standing patiently, they kept talking without stopping until one of them noticed Sangwoo.
“Sorry, the tickets are sold out.”
“Why?”
“Huh? I said it’s sold out.”
“So you mean to say it’s sold out right in front of me, huh?”
“Yes.”
Considering the number of seats and the length of the waiting line, Sangwoo felt like he was hearing disappointing news after calculating the chances of the tickets being sold out before his turn.
“Don’t you sell online? Is there any other way to watch?”
“On the show day, if you buy tickets that people return, you can enter.”
‘I really want to watch it...’
Even though Sangwoo was still standing in front, they have started collecting things. People in the back of the line complained and dispersed with regret, but Sangwoo didn’t move anywhere.
“Is there really no other way?”
“I’m sorry. They don’t have standing tickets at the theater.”
“Are there really none?”
“Yes.”
“Think about it again, there really isn’t any other way.”
“...He seems to be a fan club member of ours. At least give him a poster.”
Drama club members unwound the posters on the wall and handed them to Sangwoo with a pleading face.
“You have to come quickly. Usually, it sells out fast because of the actors joining. Next semester should be better.”
“There’s nothing to watch next semester. This kind of performance.” Sangwoo accepted the poster with a reluctant expression.
On the way back home, Sangwoo felt intense stress. Even though the weather was sunny, his shoulders drooped as if being soaked with rain and he felt weak like a defeated person.
‘I need to...study, but…’
Sangwoo parked his bike before pushing the glass door with a feeling of disappointment. He noticed a mailbox with the number 402. A flier came out. Although he had previously stuck a note saying, ‘Please do not insert flyers,’ it was useless. It used to be Sangwoo’s habit to check the mailbox every day, but today he felt so bored and annoyed that he left it alone like that.
He unlocked the door and entered the dark and chilly room, a space that used to be peaceful and familiar, but now made Sangwoo feel uncomfortable.
‘What a fuck up!’
He took a deep breath and carefully removed the rolled-up poster stuck to the side without causing any damage. In the picture, Jaeyoung looked so good that he overshadowed the other actors, but Sangwoo still didn’t understand why he felt a sharp pain in his chest instead of feeling good.
After examining the small rectangular piece of fabric in each corner, this corner, and looking closely, he touched it with his fingertips before sticking the poster on the wall. He turned on his phone camera and focused on taking detailed pictures in case the poster got damaged. While he was about to take the shot, the phone screen changed.
[Incoming call, model: Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, graphic design.]
Sangwoo was so startled that he almost dropped his phone. He tightened his grip on the phone and his eyes quickly wandered. After telling the other party through a text message to separate and only talk about projects, they never contacted each other again. He didn’t know if the other party had something important to do, or if they were dissatisfied. Or was it about the event? Or maybe the other party was in a dangerous situation?
The moment he decided to listen to what the other end had to say before deciding whether to call back, the call was disconnected.
“Oh, how nice...”
Sangwoo let out a sigh of relief that he had been holding back at the corner of his mouth. There was nothing satisfying recently. While he was considering whether to call back or not, there was a notification on the phone screen.
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: Can I have your ID card number _14:22.]
Sangwoo frowned.
[What for? _14:23.]
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: I am applying for an adult website _14:23.]
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: It’s about the budget. Hurry and send it _14:23.]
“Budget? What budget?”
They agreed from the beginning of the project that they could manage the initial expenses and had never discussed the budget before.
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: Hey, I don’t have time anymore. _14:24.]
Sending text messages back and forth with the other party was also worrying. Sangwoo reluctantly gave his ID number, but even then, there were settings to alert him if it was stolen and used. If Jaeyoung actually used it to register for a real adult website, he would know right away. Sangwoo now wanted it to be enough, but Jaeyoung continued to bother him.
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: Do you have any certifications?
Like the Korean history knowledge test, backhoe license, TOEIC
_14:26.]
[Engineering technician license, certification, OCJP[1], Linux Master certification[2] _14:27.]
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: No TOEIC? _14:27.]
[X _14:28.]
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: You’re always doing something, that’s why you haven’t taken the TOEIC _14:28.]
‘What’s the big fuss?’
Sangwoo felt like throwing his phone.
[I’m not a graduating student. Why should I take the TOEIC? And why are you asking? _14:29.]
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: Seems like there’s a field to fill out when submitting the app for verification _14:29.]
[That’s not possible. _14:30.]
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: No, I saw it _14:30.]
[Capture it and send it over for me to see. _14:30.]
[Hyung Jang Jaeyoung, Graphic Design: I’m busy, don’t bother me right now _14:31.]
Suddenly, Sangwoo wondered why Jaeyoung, who seemed really strange, would want to know other people’s identification numbers and be curious about certificates. He really couldn’t figure out what the purpose was. ‘But he didn’t just start acting strange.’
Sangwoo took a deep breath and replied that he understood.
He waited for three minutes, but there was no other message. Sangwoo didn’t immediately lock his phone or scroll to read the message again. He naturally slid his finger down to reveal the previous message. He carefully reread the detailed conversation between the two without realizing it. [Jaeyoung, ㅅㅂ♨: You appeared in my dream yesterday _3 a week ago.]
[Jaeyoung, ㅅㅂ♨: You were completely naked _3 a week ago.]
‘You psycho.’
[NonPaddler 3: Waxed _5, a week ago.]
[NonPaddler 3: When I asked for Americano _5, a week ago.]
‘Lazy person.’
[NonPaddler 3: Please call me. _4 a month ago.]
[NonPaddler 3: Are you the group leader?? I said let’s talk, how? _4, a month ago.]
[NonPaddler 3: No response, huh? _4 a month ago.]
“It’s beyond remedy to come back and read it again.”
Sangwoo read back until he reached the first message before calmly putting his phone down.
“Don’t space out too much, is your finger broken or something?” A bitter smile crept up on the corner of his mouth.
return 0;
Today is the day of the performance. On the Friday of the last week before the exam, the library was crowded with people almost exploding. But the entrance of the Cultural Center was still bustling with students who came to watch the semester performance of the drama club. Sangwoo arrived two hours before the show, leaving his number with the drama club members and asking them to contact him if there were any ticket returns. However, he couldn’t trust the other party, so he decided to stay nearby.
There are still thirteen minutes left before the show starts. Although some students came and asked if there were any tickets left, there was no hope that anyone would return their tickets.
‘I have to buy that ticket.’
Sangwoo held onto his groundless belief and looked at the line waiting to enter the meeting room to see if anyone would change their mind. He even sent out a wave of thoughts ordering them to return their tickets, even though he didn’t believe in such things anymore.
There are eight minutes left before the show starts, and Sangwoo’s heart was beating fast and uncontrollably. Now, the club members are checking the tickets of the people in line and allowing them to enter the meeting room. When they saw the torn black background tickets, Sangwoo’s hope was also torn apart.
‘Why are there so many tickets, but none of them are mine?’
Although Sangwoo thought that among those people, someone might return a ticket, everyone just kept talking to the person next to them with hopeful faces and walked into the meeting room.
There are three minutes left before the show starts. Sangwoo is still restless. Nothing he wanted to do so badly in the past could be achieved, even though he had tried. This time, even though he lacked information and couldn’t buy tickets in advance, a miracle had to happen in the final second.
‘I want to watch, we must watch.’
Sangwoo’s eyes kept looking at the first picture on the cast list. He had seen it so many times that he could draw it with his eyes closed. But he still kept the image of the other party with a messy wig, beard, and slanted pirate hat in his mind, with a mischievous glance and a slightly revealed tongue in their eye.
Meanwhile, three minutes had passed, and the people who lined up to enter the meeting room were gone. As for the staff, they started collecting their belongings and taking down the posters on the wall. Sangwoo went to find one of those people with a feeling of disbelief. When the male student saw Sangwoo, he burst into dry laughter.
“Haha, you haven’t left yet. Sorry, but no one returned their tickets.”
“Really? None at all?”
“Yes.”
“Really? None at all?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“...Okay.”
No matter how many times he asked, the answer remained the same. Sangwoo stood there, blinking his eyes, his mind aware that it was because he wasn’t prepared ahead of time and missed the opportunity to enter and watch. But his heart wasn’t like that.
“Hyungnim is performing inside, so why can’t I see him?”
The cultural center building that he normally didn’t notice in the least seemed so vast and towering. Sangwoo had no way of entering, and even when the theater club members finished their performance and left, he remained where he was, without any hope, with only the darkness of the night left.
He returned to the library and rode his bike parked in the lot. It was just a phenomenon of the changing amount of sunlight converging, but Sangwoo thought the darkness was frightening. He shot into the darkness and it triggered his anxiety and made his hair stand on end.
‘I should have bought tickets beforehand.’
‘At the very least, I should find ghost tickets.’
‘I should ask everyone who goes in to sell tickets at five times the regular price.’
Sangwoo felt an overwhelming sense of regret for what had already passed.
He couldn’t stand how pitiful he was, missing what he wanted while letting go. When he entered the familiar alley, he hit the brakes to lower his speed. Sweat dripped unknowingly from his body, causing his black T-shirt to stick to his back. After locking his bike in the bike parking area, he walked into the building weakly. There were more advertising flyers inside than just a few days ago, torn at the entrance.
“Damn it, didn’t I say not to put these here?”
Sangwoo forcefully pulled the tightly stuffed flier out, and after doing so twice, he found some utility bill payment notices and bank debt statements inside. Sangwoo pulled out those documents at once and held them up as he climbed the stairs.
________________________________________.
[1] OCJP, “Oracle, Certified, Java, Programmer.” Certification of skills and knowledge of programmers in the language Java, divided into 5 levels, including Oracle Certified Associate (OCA), Oracle Certified Professional (OCP), Oracle Certified Master (OCM), Oracle Certified Expert (OCE), and Oracle Certified Specialist (OCS).
[2] Linux Master. Certification from a comprehensive assessment of overall ability in using the Linux system. Certification is only valid at the national level and the examination is conducted by the Korea Association for Information Promotion and Communication.
________________________________________.
Chapter 90: #8.
As he returned to his room, Sangwoo folded the loose papers from the supermarket together and immediately threw them in the trash box. He then checked the utility bills one by one: gas, telephone, and electricity, and placed them in order behind. Finally, he reached the last unaddressed envelope written, ‘Chu Sangwoo’, with difficult-to-read handwriting in the lower right corner, while white envelopes and bank debt notices fell to the floor in Sangwoo’s hands.
His heart was pounding as if it was about to burst through his skin.
Sangwoo cautiously opened the letter. Then his eyes lit up as he looked inside.
“Ah...”
Inside the envelope was a rectangular piece of fabric with a black background and a polaroid photo of someone Sangwoo missed. The other person was in a performance costume and was looking directly at Sangwoo with a confident and unique expression on their face. The back of the picture had a short handwritten note.
[I know you’ll be busy during the exams, but come and see me.
I’ll be performing for only five minutes, so you can just watch me and leave.]
Sangwoo carefully read the spaced-out handwritten text, different from the repeated texts. Then tears began to fall, and he quickly wiped them with his sleeves, afraid the ink would smear.
‘It’s too late now, hyung.’
However, tears continued to flow. He must have checked the mailbox earlier, knowing it was useless to be sad, but his mind was still filled with resentment for a time he couldn’t go back to. Jaeyoung, who dressed as a thief, was performing on stage. He missed the other person too much, but in the end, he failed, not for any reason other than his own jealousy. These thoughts made him feel angry, resentful, and suffocating.
His nose and tears continued to stream. Despite his attempts to sniff and wipe them, it wouldn’t stop. Sangwoo had no resistance to a disease he had just experienced for the first time.
‘I am an idiot who knows nothing at all.’
After that, his big mind returned. Sangwoo washed his face, blew his nose, and then drank 500 milliliters of water in one go. His chest moved up and down with each heavy breath, and his eyes were filled with a fierceness he had never experienced before.
‘But we learn from failure.’
Although the size of the triangle may increase, the sum of the angles will not change. Small problems from small events turn into big problems in big events. Sangwoo learned from what he encountered today. No, it was not the time to give up like this. Just by not watching a single episode of the drama, tears welled up in his eyes. After Jaeyoung left for real, he had to cry and think about the other party every day, that was certain.
He replaced every variable with English alphabet letters to remove the emotions and viewed this matter impartially with the eyes of a third person.
[Condition: X likes to be physically close to Y.
Problem: There is going to be a physical distance that has meaning between X and Y. Solution:
i. “Do not change the position of Y.
ii. “Change the position of Y to be the same value as Y.
iii. “X adjusts to fit the physical distance with Y.]
He could think of only three ways. Sangwoo replaced the English alphabet letters with his name again before being slightly surprised, because there were two methods mentioned by Jihye.
The first method uses the value of Jaeyoung’s name in Y. Jaeyoung’s study abroad is a constant value, not a variable. Sangwoo has no authority over that decision, and he didn’t want to influence that decision either. Sangwoo began to consider the second solution [1].
‘What about studying? What about living? What about visas? What about the cost of living? What about language? Also, X has plans for life too. It is impossible to make a decision without caring about anything like that.’
He walked firmly to the computer, pressed the power button, and sat down on the chair. As soon as the desktop appeared, he immediately moved his hand restlessly and searched for various keywords before disappearing. It included types of American visas, how to apply for visas, studying abroad, Hankuk University homepage, student exchange conditions, cost of living in
America, and plane tickets. Sangwoo sat in one place without moving for an hour and had accumulated information in the amount of three A4 sheets of paper in his hands.
Sangwoo’s decision was in turmoil and confusion between options that were not much. Life plan... He no longer had time to think about it. Sangwoo will graduate next year, work in the company he wants, and after going out with the condition of getting married, he should get married at the age of thirty. He had no plans to move abroad next semester, but he was busy searching for information like a lost person. That’s not something a successful social student does. It’s something that a foolish man in love does for survival.
“The only way is to be an exchange student, huh.”
Sangwoo looked through the documents compiled from the search results, but even the exchange student issue was not as expected. Among the programs offered by the university, there were only two programs that matched the Faculty of Engineering and were located in the same state as Jaeyoung’s graduate school. The rest had exceeded the application deadline. He had the qualifications for one of these two programs, but he had to submit his TOEFL score within three days.
“This is terrible.”
Stress began to creep in. If it was a program that started in the next semester, it might be possible, but there was no way for him to stay in America next month without any visa problems. Sangwoo felt hopeless and tried to make a slight change.
“[ii.’Change the position of X in another 6 months to match Y.]”
But in the end, was this really a solution? No need to ask if he could endure during that time. The thing to think about was how Jang Jaeyoung would react to the situation when they meet again in the second half of the year after Sangwoo crossed rivers and seas to follow him.
‘Having said that, I’ve never heard.’
Just talking about studying further. Jaeyoung would change the topic and never say anything seriously, so even the other party’s feelings, he could only guess vaguely. He couldn’t be sure.
Sangwoo had never cared about those things before. Jaeyoung was someone who could do whatever he wanted. If he didn’t want to do it, he would refuse. The other party was not a variable but a constant, so he was not someone Sangwoo could influence or negotiate with. Jaeyoung was an obstacle that kept teasing him, a talented designer, an efficient tool to satisfy sexual needs, and...
Sangwoo sighed.
‘Why are you thinking alone, you rude kid? You should ask about my feelings and thoughts a little, shouldn’t you?’
‘This is not a competition, don’t forget that it is a collaboration.’
Have I ever asked him how he plans his life? What Does he think? How does he feel when he sees me? Why did he respond when I invited him to play a game? Why does he want to sleep with me? Why does he laugh just by seeing me? Why does he like to come to my house? Have I ever asked him about those things?
At that time, he didn’t care about what Jaeyoung was thinking, what they wanted to do, what they planned to do after studying, how they would live after graduating, when they would get married, he was just curious about this much.
The variable, “Jang Jaeyoung’s heart”, made everything complicated. Sangwoo was ready to deduce and implement the most appropriate solution, but before that, he hesitated to make a decision because the variable he knew was just a constant.
Sangwoo knew Jang Jaeyoung as someone with low tolerance, easily agitated, unstable, inconsistent, and who treats everything as a joke. Now the other side is showing interest in Sangwoo and behaving as if they have romantic feelings, but how will it be after half a year? Will the other side still be waiting for him?
‘It seems boring. That guy didn’t really want to date anyone from the beginning.’
Yoona said that the average duration of dating the other side is less than three months. Even though the other side seemed reluctant, they started dating, but data still had doubts about the possibility of failure. If he changes his life plans and goes to America in the next six months, Jaeyoung will be colder toward him. If Jaeyoung finds a new love. If Jaeyoung says that he doesn’t want to do anything with Sangwoo anymore, what should he do?
‘I am very tired, hyung.’
Sangwoo sat silently for a moment. No matter what he thought, he couldn’t easily choose the second option. That was a reasonable conclusion when considering the information, situation, and life plans together. The only remaining option right now is the third option. [iii. “X adjust to the physical distance, with Y.] That was the starting point.
The four-month period he had with Jang Jaeyoung was just one point in his long-lasting life, a diverging point that couldn’t be graphed as a constant beginning and ending. Sometimes it could turn into the most overwhelming and happiest time in his life, even without the other side, but even if there was no other side, his life would not end. Sangwoo had to think carefully about how he would continue to live if Jaeyoung left now.
There is no other way than to decrease desire in order to cope with the inevitable lack of resources, in order for it to become zero, so that the day the other party is no longer necessary will surely come, because humans are not basic resources necessary for survival like air, water, or food.
Sangwoo turned off the computer, then picked up Jaeyoung’s Polaroid photo and lay down on the bed. His heart was heavy and overwhelmed with sadness, but he didn’t have the strength to cry. Sangwoo looked at the photo.
He lived his life thinking that he was a black mamba snake in the forest, not fearing anything, excelling in everything, and if he tried, he could possess what he wanted. What others said was difficult was not difficult for Sangwoo, and what others said was challenging was not challenging for Sangwoo either.
‘I am like a machine with no emotions.’
It seemed like he was being rolled around like a dust suction robot, but not being overwhelmed by emotions was his greatest strength. This strength made Sangwoo not useless like other people and always able to focus on the efficient things.
‘It’s not like that anymore.’
Before, he might have lived without fearing anything like Superman, but after encountering Jang Jaeyoung, a kryptonite. Sangwoo lost his superpowers and eventually became an ordinary person.
Sangwoo stared at Jaeyoung for a moment before gently kissing the photo.
return 0;
The exam period passed quickly, almost like a rocket. If someone in the distant future asks him what was the worst period in his life, Sangwoo could confidently answer that it was a certain week. He had never faced an exam without preparation like this before in his life.
During the final exams of the second year of junior high school, he was sick with a high fever for five days, but his abilities in normal times allowed him to still be ranked first in school. In the first year of high school, he had to attend his grandmother’s funeral the day before the exam, so he didn’t study all day, but of course, the result came out that he was the top of the school. Even after entering university, he still maintained his statistics A+. in every subject except for A0, which was infamous for the subject “Basic Chinese Language.”
‘This semester was a disaster.’
At least it could be said that he was lucky to only have to study five subjects in order to create games. The major subject that he had basic skills in from regular reading, he was able to solve problems. However, the subject “Intermediate Chinese” was a concern, while the subject “Contemporary Culture and Cultural Theory” seemed insignificant. After the exam, Sangwoo was able to call Jihye to compare answers, but he didn’t suspect anyone knew about his score.
Sangwoo walked to the cafeteria feeling frustrated. In his mind, it was both gloomy and dark, but the red sun floating high in the sky suddenly shone brightly, giving him a feeling like someone else. Sangwoo looked up at the sun with wide eyes and stood still for a moment.
‘Just looking at the sky reminds me. And you want to reduce desires?’
A sneering smile appeared on his lips. Desires had long been severed, but the desire did not diminish even a little, even just for yesterday’s matter. He deleted the “Jang Jaeyoung” folder permanently so that it couldn’t be recovered. And then wasted time looking for the files again, which was useless.
He pushed aside his studies and searched for ways to conquer unrequited love and ways to abandon attachments on the internet to try and practice, but it was all in vain. He tried ordering special food. He tried sleeping for a long time. He tried listening to music. He tried watching movies... Jang Jaeyoung still didn’t know how to disappear from his heart.
‘Can I overcome it?’
On the internet, it said that time heals everything, but there was no guarantee that people like Sangwoo suffered from the same burning pain, which everyone encounters growing up. But it was hard to believe. This kind of agonizing pain doesn’t happen to everyone for sure.
________________________________________.
[1] Solution. Computer problem-solving method.
Chapter 91: #9.
While walking with his mind empty, Sangwoo suddenly passed by the student cafeteria. He saw a red sign in front about ten meters away. The items that reminded him of Jang Jaeyoung were everywhere in this university. The day he wrote on the blackboard with a magic marker to answer the questions in class, “Engineering Mathematics 2”, came back to his memory.
Sangwoo walked into the restaurant as if something was drawing him in. He sat down at the same table as he sat on that day and ordered the same pepperoni pizza that he ate that day. People in the pizza place were gathered in groups, but Sangwoo sat alone and ate a plate of mildly spicy and salty pepperoni pizza.
After paying and walking out of the store, he headed towards the planned shop to buy his usual coffee. As he passed through the bakery zone, the instant noodle zone, and the ice cream zone, he would come across three beverage coolers, ‘Black Holic’, located in the third cooler, on the fifth shelf, but Sangwoo’s gaze turned towards the second shelf.
“...”
He stared at a can of dark red for a moment, as if competing for attention before opening the cooler and picking the one at the very back. As he held the can at the cashier, the store owner looked at Sangwoo with strange eyes, as if he had bought an unbuyable drink.
Sangwoo sipped his caffeine drink and walked leisurely around the university. He walked without haste and didn’t think of checking the time by lifting his wristwatch before throwing the empty cola can into the trash bin in front of a student club.
After walking continuously, he arrived at a large gate. In front, on the wide lawn, a few students were resting as if completely exhausted, like a piece of dried cloth just taken out of a washing machine. It didn’t look as strange as when he saw it for the first time... Sangwoo looked at the scenery in silence before slowly walking towards it.
He walked on the grass until he reached the center and sat down to meditate before inhaling the scent of grass and glancing at the image of a white butterfly fluttering by, a little further away a female student was lying down with her legs stretched out while covering her face with a book.
Sangwoo took off his backpack and laid it on the grass before lying his head down with a sense of embarrassment. At first, he felt unnatural, but after a brief moment, he felt surprisingly comfortable. Surprising himself, a gentle moist breeze blew, carrying the feeling of early summer. He took off his black cap and placed it on his stomach, letting his horse-like hair flutter in the wind.
“Pie-nee-pie-nee-tai-pie-nee...” [1.]
Sangwoo looked at the clouds floating in the gray sky and soon fell asleep. Even though it was such a good day, he still felt empty inside, but regardless, it was still a refreshing day to the point that even sadness didn’t matter.
Sangwoo lay on the grass like a heartless person with nothing to do, pulling out emotions that have been locked away for the past four months. Jang Jaeyoung arrived forty minutes late, starting off their encounter with anger, provocation, fluidity. Unfairness. Distrust, and hatred.
Then Jaeyoung pretended to be a good person, cooked meals, drew pictures, and helped him with Chinese dramas. Sangwoo started to compete for his heart, little by little, starting from when the other side was just a “sunbae” At that time, he thought that the reason his heart was racing was because of anger, and when the other side whispered in his ear in the library, he became stiff and thought that there was something wrong with his body.
Sometimes, when their feelings of love started to grow, it seemed to be while they were creating games together. Sangwoo’s heartbeat would accelerate, his blood would rush, and he would gradually have feelings, an increased frequency of laughter and jokes from the other side, countless kisses, dates at the movies where Jaeyoung looked especially good, sex that made him feel good like never before, warm and strong embraces, walks not to reach a destination but to walk together, basketball betting that interested him more than playing, and joyrides in the car that were more thrilling than the nighttime scenery.
Jaeyoung was a person with diversity, like clothes that the owner wore. The other side was a person who adorned themselves with the colors of anxiety, the purple of happiness, the dark blue of success, the golden color of joy, and the red color of contentment in Sangwoo’s world. There were also splashes of red and purple of longing, the intense yellow of fear, the gray of worry, the white of fear, and the black of despair.
‘Miss you.’
The sentence that came up most often in his mind over the past ten days appeared once again, but even so, he knew very well that it was useless. The real world he lived in did not have magic like in the game.
‘Miss you so much.’
Nonetheless, Sangwoo continued to wander aimlessly, as if there was nothing happening, but while he was thinking like a fool, shadows began to fall on his face. Sangwoo blinked a few times, with a slight frown of irritation.
“Where have you been all this time?” And then, a miracle happened.
Jang Jaeyoung stood and turned around, allowing the sun’s rays to shine down on Sangwoo. The other side wore jeans and a white t-shirt, with crooked fingers like a talon gripping onto a red Jaws shirt worn familiarly, three earrings reflecting the sunlight, and round metal glasses perched on the nose. Sangwoo blinked his eyes two or three times, thinking that this may be a dream, but the image he saw remained the same.
“Ni hao.” [2]
“That pronunciation is the same as before. What have you been studying all this semester?”
Jaeyoung’s posture that appeared in the past twelve days seemed like nothing was happening. Sangwoo pretended to not feel anything, glanced at the sky, but his heart pounded so loudly that he was afraid it could be heard from the outside. Jaeyoung sat down next to him, leaning close.
“Good news and bad news, which news do you want to hear first?”
“I don’t want to hear either of them.”
“The good news is that I’m moving house.”
“Oh, okay.”
His slender finger moved closer and gently touched Sangwoo’s forehead.
“Because of you, I couldn’t finish my studies and broke our agreement.”
“Why is it my fault? It’s your fault for trying to improve your grades without doing anything different.”
“I miss the way things used to be.”
Jaeyoung’s laughter sounded gentle. Although he couldn’t see the image of the other person laughing with his own eyes, his body experienced numerous chemical reactions. Sangwoo chose to close his eyes.
“And the bad news?”
“The bad news is... you have to help me move.”
“No, it seems like you see me as weak, but I’m not helpless. It’s better this way.”
“You’ve finished your exams, and you have nothing else to do, right? Please help me. I’ll treat you to a meal.”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ll treat you to a drink.”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ll give you a kiss.”
“...”
Sangwoo opened his mouth but couldn’t say anything. When he turned to look to the side, his eyes met with Jaeyoung, who was trying not to laugh. Sangwoo wanted to scold him with a few words, but his mouth instead responded according to his inner thoughts.
“Forget it...for now.”
Jaeyoung laughed a little, looking very good that it hurt Sangwoo’s heart. When he looked at me with a mischievous gaze, Jaeyoung turned his head slightly and asked again.
“Here? Really?”
“Yes.”
“I’m almost graduating. It doesn’t matter, but there will be rumors about you kissing a man.”
“I don’t care.”
“No. I’ll kiss you a lot later.”
“Do it now. Don’t bother pretending to be a good person.”
Jaeyoung lifted his face with an indescribable expression. The other party lowered his gaze and approached, covering both of their heads with the jacket that used to be on their shoulders. Then the vision turned completely red. Jaeyoung, who was covered in red, quickly moved closer, and just before their lips touched, he closed his eyes and turned his head slightly to the side.
The lower lips of Sangwoo touched the tongue of Jaeyoung in a wide range. Then the lower lip was sucked into the mouth of the other party. Sangwoo forgot how to breathe and was motionless like a statue. Although he was the one who asked for it first, his heart beat uncontrollably and he couldn’t concentrate. Shortly after, the red curtain disappeared, along with the sunlight shining on their eyes again. The short and intense kiss left only the scent of vanilla on the remaining part of their lips.
“Sometimes you’re too daring.”
Jaeyoung sat still, murmuring quietly. Although he couldn’t see his face because the other party turned away, his neck and ears were stained red.
“Let’s go. House moving.”
Sangwoo stood up reluctantly.
Since he had received payment, he had no choice but to help. But Sangwoo was not satisfied with this situation, as he thought that he would never meet Jaeyoung again and would overcome his loneliness. He planned to lock himself up at home during the semester break to focus on writing code. However, Jaeyoung appeared again and disrupted Sangwoo’s plan, just like before.
Jaeyoung’s house had cheap boxes scattered throughout the house after important furniture such as the TV and desk had disappeared. Sangwoo worked quietly as if he was hired labor. Jaeyoung didn’t bother him and treated him like a younger brother calling for help in real work. Sangwoo picked up countless clothes in the closet, arranging them in boxes in the most efficient way. Then he moved the boxes to the car without complaining, before putting the garbage in large trash bags.
After finishing work, it was already six o’clock. Jaeyoung suggested ordering
Jajangmyeon to eat together, but Sangwoo was facing pressure to leave Jaeyoung quickly.
“Okay then. I’m leaving.”
“Where are you going? You should help me move to my new house.”
“This should be enough, right?”
“I’ll kiss you again.”
Sangwoo took a deep breath and turned away.
“It’s okay. I’ll do it for free.”
He felt like he had been robbed with just one kiss, and if they kissed again, Sangwoo might lose his self-control and say something strange to the other party.
Jaeyoung called the Chinese restaurant and ordered sweet and sour deepfried pork with Jajangmyeon for two. They were separated in different rooms until the food arrived. Sangwoo pretended to be busy organizing the room, but in reality, he didn’t do anything, while Jaeyoung was doing something that he couldn’t know.
After the delivery person had left, they met again in the living room and laid the newspaper on the empty space before sitting down, unwrapping the plastic. Then they started eating the food in the bowls, quietly eating together for a while. Sangwoo then asked.
“Where are you moving to?”
“You should’ve asked that from the beginning.”
“So, where are you going?”
“Near the university.”
“Why?”
“It’s my business.”
“I see.”
Sangwoo started eating again, his eyes fixed on the end of the newspaper, and he stubbornly twirled the noodles covered in black sauce in his mouth. In his mind, he wondered why the other party was looking for a new home even though he was about to start studying in another month, but he didn’t ask.
Meanwhile, Jaeyoung called his name.
“Sangwoo.”
“Yes, why?”
Sangwoo stared at the chicken soup and then answered, while his hand holding the chopsticks came into view.
“Your mouth is stained with black sauce.”
“After I finish eating, I’ll wipe it once... You don’t have to bother.”
“It’s too annoying to the point that I can’t even eat.”
Sangwoo looked up before meeting Jaeyoung’s smiling eyes, and at that moment, anger surged. While he was struggling in a broken-down body with his daily life destroyed, the other party still looked comfortable and at ease, which made him angry enough to put the bowl down with a loud sound. “What kind of habit is this?! If you’re that lazy, I can do it.”
Jaeyoung reached out without any warning and hugged Sangwoo’s neck, with his face right in front with just a blink of an eye.
“Do... do what?”
Jaeyoung didn’t answer, and that movement made his eyelashes slightly tremble. Jaeyoung was too close. The other party blinked, examining
Sangwoo’s lips before using his tongue to wipe the sauce instead of the tissue in his hand.
“...”
Sangwoo was so startled that he couldn’t react and just allowed himself to be the one being done to, even when Jaeyoung used his tongue to lick around the edges of his lips, or even when his lips were completely taken over by the other party, he could only sit there with wide-open eyes. When the other party returned to his seat and picked up his chopsticks as if nothing had happened, his heart pounded as if it would explode, the stimulation coming along with the trembling changed into anger and sadness in an instant. Sangwoo felt like crying.
“Next time, don’t do this impulsively again, okay?”
Sangwoo frowned and spoke sharply, not giving Jaeyoung a chance to respond.
“Once the agreement is made that I will help, I will help you move the items to the new house. Then I will go back home.”
“That’s fine.”
“After that, there’s no need to contact or come to see me again.”
It seemed that Jang Jaeyoung did not take Sangwoo’s tense words seriously, as he continued to eat a piece of fried pork with an unaffected expression. Sangwoo lost his appetite completely and left the other side like that, entering the room.
________________________________________.
[1] “Pie-nee-pie-nee-tai-pie-nee...” At this point, Sangwoo pronounced it incorrectly, pronouncing it like a Korean who liked to pull the sound of the first syllable together with the vowel sound of the second syllable. In cases where the consonant of the second syllable is a sound, it should be pronounced as “Phienoi-Phienoi-Tai-Phienoi....” [2] “Neeha-o.” = Ni hao.
Chapter 92: #10.
They finished packing the items in the house at around one o’clock. Then they took the elevator down, after stuffing two shopping bags in the back of the car and the back seat, which were already packed with boxes and rice. Sangwoo sat in the driver’s seat and fastened his seatbelt, waiting for the safety pin. Then the car set off.
“Pinpoint the location on navigation.”
“I’ve been there many times... No need to use it.”
“Okay.”
Sangwoo closed his mouth and looked out of the window with a vague feeling. Although the cause of his sadness was just within reach, it was still hard to believe that he couldn’t do anything at all.
‘I am just a fool who can’t do anything.’
He did everything he could to try to solve this problem. Even though his mother said that failure was also a good experience, he didn’t want to fail, so he tried his best throughout. Jang Jaeyoung is the only flaw in Sangwoo, an unbeatable test, an unsolvable problem, an error that cannot be found no matter how much it is searched for. Sangwoo is learning to fail for the first time in his life.
As he sat quietly, the unfamiliar scenery outside the window passed by quickly. Then he saw the university, and ever since then, it has been a familiar path, a path he cycled to the university regularly. He began to feel uneasy, as if something was not right. Sangwoo stared out the window for a moment, but the car didn’t deviate from the familiar path.
“Hyung, what is the address of the new house?”
“Eunmyong Street, Alley 17.”
“It’s near my house.”
“You can say that.”
‘Ass.’
Sangwoo pondered in his heart. If Jaeyoung is living nearby, he would have to worry every time he goes out, even to the supermarket, whether he would meet him or not, wasting both time and emotions. Even though Sangwoo is dissatisfied, it does not mean he can violate someone else’s right to move. So he can only calm down the complex emotions inside him.
Meanwhile, the car did not deviate from the path that Sangwoo knew well, making him uneasy. When the car was on the main road and turned right, he turned to glance at Jaeyoung without realizing it, but there were no traces on his unemotional face.
Finally, the car entered a narrow alley, and Sangwoo blinked his eyes, unable to express his feelings, then alternated his gaze between Jaeyoung and the apartment building.
“Is it here?”
“Yes.”
“Which room?”
“402.”
“Who gave permission? Crazy guy!”
Understanding the situation, Sangwoo reacted immediately. While he tried to forget the other party and find a way to move on with his life after they were gone, Jang Jaeyoung did what he wanted without thinking, exploding with emotions. At the same time, the anger and sadness that he had suppressed and pretended not to have also erupted. Sangwoo turned to face Jaeyoung with a twisted face.
“Why do you do things your way?”
“I have nowhere else to go, so just let me stay.”
“You have so many friends, so don’t lie.”
“Among all those people, there is no one I want to be with.”
“Say something meaningful, go to a hotel. Don’t create trouble for others!”
“Sangwooya.”
“Don’t call, don’t call my name with such a sweet tone. Don’t pretend to be a good person, don’t smile, don’t do any of that!”
Even though he may rant and complain, Jaeyoung just listens silently. Even though it should alternate normally, the disease that controls anger doesn’t have to be transmitted.
“I know what you’re going to say, but wait until tomorrow. I’ll tell you everything then.”
“Do you know? You won’t know how I avoid emotions... And still make others scared like a county sheriff. And then after that, my everyday life will probably collapse again! No, it will collapse to the point where I don’t even know how it will collapse!”
Strange. Even though Sangwoo is angry to the point where his veins in his neck bulge, the corners of Jaeyoung’s mouth just curl up, still giving something to laugh about. Sangwoo is furious to the extreme.
“Hey. Jang Jaeyoung.”
“Sometimes I may not be a sadist, but a masochist...”
“You stay here, I’ll go myself.”
Sangwoo unlocked the car door and closed it forcefully as if to destroy it before stomping his feet through the glass door, then went up the stairs while unlocking the door to the room. Jaeyoung followed behind, entered the room without caring and walked straight to pull out a travel bag from the corner and slammed it onto the floor.
“Sangwooya.”
“Did I not tell you not to call me like that?”
“Listen to everything I say first before getting angry, it’s not too late yet, don’t make things more complicated.”
Sangwoo assessed the other party’s words. Then he stuffed whatever clothes he could grab into his bag, grabbed the underwear in the drawer, followed by grabbing the toothbrush and toothpaste from the bathroom and threw it on the clothes. There were still many things left to pack, but he closed the bag lock roughly. He thought about the most important computer, but he didn’t feel like dealing with it and separating its components.
As he turned around, he found Jaeyoung standing in front of the door. Sangwoo grabbed the handle of his travel bag and stared at the other party angrily. Jaeyoung showed no sign of anger or amusement, just stood still with an expressionless face that couldn’t reveal anything inside, Sangwoo’s chest moved quickly, and he gritted his teeth and spoke.
“Back off.”
“No.”
“I told you to back off.”
“Time’s up, I can’t wait any longer.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m afraid my grades will drop because of you. So, I thought I would wait until the end of the exam, but now I don’t plan to wait anymore, not even for one more day.”
“I’m ready to fight. If you don’t want that handsome face of yours to have scars, then back off.”
“Oh, is that so?”
Sangwoo pulled the bag towards the other party, but Jaeyoung just looked down without trying to defend himself, and put his hands in his pockets. It didn’t look like the posture of someone who intended to fight. Jaeyoung took off his glasses and placed them on the shoe cabinet.
“Come at me, I’ll let you hit me, and then we can talk.”
It seemed like the other party was thinking about whether to speak such words. Sangwoo couldn’t tolerate it, the confidence in the immovable reaction of the other party turned into fuel for anger. Sangwoo let go of his travel bag and clenched his fists, but after that, he didn’t know what else to do, so he just stood still, a sculpture ready to harm the opposite party as heavy as a stone, but difficult to lift.
“We already have no way out, right?”
Sangwoo canceled the power option. At the same time, he felt suffocated and exhausted. Even though Jaeyoung did whatever he pleased and even threatened him, including the last remaining safe zone, he had no way to stop the other side, not even one way.
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Just close them.”
Despite the calm expression, Jaeyoung followed the instructions. Sangwoo looked at the image of the other party, thinking that this would be the last time. He looked at the beautiful boy from head to toe with eyes full of pity, wanting more than anything in the world, but he couldn’t possess it. He knew that very well.
‘I miss you so much.’
Sangwoo struggled in his heart before swiftly intruding through Jaeyoung, quickly unlocking the door. While Jaeyoung turned around, he pulled himself out and closed the door again. After the automatic lock closed once, there would be a momentary delay, and he took advantage of that time to run down the stairs like crazy.
When he heard the sound of the door opening again, Sangwoo had already reached the second floor. Jaeyoung shouted for him to stop. Sangwoo heard the sound of footsteps approaching from behind. At the same time, he ran out of the building and straight towards the main road.
“Hey, crazy guy. Chu Sangwoo!”
Sangwoo didn’t turn around to look. He opened the door of the parked taxi and sat in the passenger seat. Jaeyoung ran out of the alley, the image of the other party getting closer quickly.
“Lock all the doors.”
The sound of the doors locking echoed as Sangwoo commanded, and all four doors of the car were locked. Jaeyoung, who arrived a little late, pulled the door handle and even tried to hit the window with his fist, but it was useless. Sangwoo turned his face the other way. Refusing to look at the other party.
“Aren’t you coming down again?”
The distant voice heard through the window.
“Where would I go? Just knowing is enough.”
When he didn’t care, the screaming became louder. Jaeyoung shouted and smashed his sculpture against the car.
“I asked where you want to go.”
The taxi driver looked a little confused. Sangwoo took a breath and asked the other party.
“Actually, I don’t know where to go.”
“Huh?”
“I mean anywhere is fine. Please just let me out of the car first.”
“Understood.”
After the car slowly exited, Sangwoo looked out the window to capture the image of Jaeyoung one last time, but no matter where he looked, he couldn’t find the person who used to cause chaos in front of the window. Sangwoo wondered, but the driver’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Then should I drive around for about thirty minutes and come back to the same place?”
“No, please go somewhere else. You go ahead and drive. I need to think for about ten minutes.”
Sangwoo sighed. While he was considering various headache-inducing matters, such as where to go, what to do with the burden left in the room, what to do with the unretrieved data on the computer, and how to attend class, he saw a familiar car in the rearview mirror. It was a white hatchback with a red-tinted roof and windows. Sangwoo thought he was mistaken and turned around to look closely, but even the license plate numbers matched.
“That crazy guy!”
He thought about staying and resting, stopping before being overwhelmed and breaking down again in a month, but it seemed that Jaeyoung didn’t see the situation because he prioritized the present, his own desires being the top priority, and had to do everything he wanted. Sangwoo gritted his teeth. “Please keep a distance from the car with the license plate 7285, over there.” As he pointed with his thumb, the taxi driver burst into laughter.
“Have you watched too many movies?”
“No.”
Sangwoo expected the taxi driver to drive faster, but the taxi stopped at the bus stop instead. Then it parked smoothly in front of the zebra crossing, the license plate number 7285, moving to the left side of the taxi and stopping before lowering the windows. Jaeyoung struggled to say something, but Sangwoo turned to face the taxi driver.
“Please help me get on the expressway so that car doesn’t catch up.”
“But I think I’ll quit my job in half an hour.”
“I’ll pay double the fare.”
“Come on, let’s go.”
The taxi driver’s eyes sparkled with anticipation. Sangwoo had just managed to buckle his seatbelt by now and leaned back fully, not knowing that the chase would continue for another two hours.
return 0;.
The taxi driver, who stopped at every red light and maintained the speed as prescribed by the law, deserved recognition as a law-abiding and respectful person. However, in terms of responding to the customer’s request, Sangwoo asked the other driver to speed up twice, but instead of creating distance, the taxi just drove parallel to Jaeyoung’s slow car.
They then left the Seoul area and arrived at the East Sea after standing as competitors. The boxy car with a red lid ran alongside the taxi for two hours as the stubborn driver opened the window and waved casually, making Sangwoo very annoyed.
“Young man, these days having friends who care is a good thing now. Do not argue anymore, I’ll drop you off at the beach, you can exchange punches in a manly way or whatever.”
“I told you, we’re not friends.”
Over the course of two hours, the taxi driver continuously hinted for Sangwoo to get out of the car from a distance.
“That’s enough, that young man, I think even if we reached the edge of the green sky, he’d still be following us.”
That’s a hard statement to refuse. In Sangwoo’s eyes, he never thought Jaeyoung would give up, even if he escaped further, he knew, but he was still stubborn, he didn’t want to face the other party. He didn’t want to talk face to face.
The taxi driver looked at Sangwoo expectantly.
“So, should I park here?”
“...Understood.”
Sangwoo concluded that it was pointless to continue. As soon as the person driving the taxi pressed the ‘Double’ button, the fare skyrocketed. Sangwoo tried not to look at the unrealistic amount and paid with a card. As soon as he got out of the taxi, it quickly drove away. Then Sangwoo stood still, feeling the wind in a place he had just visited for the first time, looking at an unfamiliar scenery.