[T/N] I apologize for grammar mistakes and incoherencies
Chapter 46 <111> #1.
Memories.
Sangwoo often feels intellectually inferior due to his frequent memories of high school when he succumbed to the attempt to differentiate between boys who looked alike and while in the military. Without a name pinned on the outside, he might not be able to live a normal daily life at all.
The first memory that made him uncomfortable was when he was seven years old. Sangwoo traveled to his relatives’ house on New Year’s Day in Korea, and he made his older and younger cousins, who were five years older than him, cry while playing together.
‘Don’t make fun of my name. You... you ill-mannered person!’
‘I didn’t call her names.’
The other party ran with tears streaming down their face to find their own parents and accused Sangwoo of calling their aunt by name. Therefore, the adults asked for the root cause, and he said in front of them that his aunt’s name was “Chukkoja.” Then he saw his father angry for the first time.
On the way back home, his father apologized for making him scared and warned him not to mock others by changing their names. When Sangwoo said that he didn’t mock anyone, just mentioned his aunt’s name, his older sister mocked him as a fool who doesn’t even know his aunt’s name. She asked about the names of each older and younger sibling, and Sangwoo honestly answered, but when she asked for the eleventh name, he mistakenly answered with the eighteenth name. His father sighed, and his mother remained silent for a moment before saying that they should test his IQ.
The following week, Sangwoo went to a large hospital with his parents. The doctor in a white gown reassured Sangwoo that there was nothing to worry about and invited him to play various fun activities. However, while saying that, she forced him to draw five pictures and repeatedly asked useless questions.
‘Wow, that was fun, wasn’t it?’
‘No, I want to go home.’
In the end, he played a memory game and solved puzzles of geometric shapes he had drawn on paper. There was only that moment when he felt fun.
Later on, he learned that those activities were deep psychological tests of all thirteen types, including memory tests, personality tests in various aspects, mood tests, intelligence tests, and social skills tests. His mother also showed him the test results and explained them when Sangwoo was thirteen years old. That was when a similar conflict occurred at school and he was called stupid.
“There is no diagnosis of frontal brain damage. So you don’t have to worry. The suspected symptoms of facial blindness occur because there is not enough attachment, and it is called selective forgetting. It is not an intellectual problem. I am afraid that you will become arrogant, so I didn’t tell you. But in reality, you my child, your outstanding memory skills are excellent among the gifted.”
‘Did I do something wrong?’
‘Of course not. Originally, the human brain likes to eliminate unnecessary information. Your brain simply prioritizes differently from others and works more efficiently.’
‘I am happy that I’m not stupid.’
‘Don’t talk like that. And the doctor said that your emotions are stable, but I don’t feel it’s a problem. Besides, there are some minor symptoms of obsession with something, and you know it too.’
‘Is it really dangerous?’
‘No, it’s not that bad. It doesn’t affect our daily life. You don’t have to worry about it. I have similar symptoms, but I’ve been living without any problems.’
The ability to choose to forget is the ability to delete useless memories and retain only necessary ones. Now it’s an essential ability, but it’s strange that the brain doesn’t function normally.
The memory from yesterday is still vivid. Despite being in a weakened state due to excessive drinking, the moments after getting in Jaeyoung’s car were as clear as a high-resolution video. Not just visuals and sounds, but also smells, touches, and even taste. He remembered scenes of what Jang Jaeyoung’s skin tasted like. How tight was the embrace, and how hot was it in the car?
The scent of sweat on the forehead, the feeling of the heart dropping when leaning against the back, the sound of Jaeyoung’s cracking joints echoing through the teeth, every whispering word near the ear, every swearing word sprayed with anger.
The time when he couldn’t remember was only before his hand fell into Jaeyoung’s hands. The rest, Sangwoo remembered in excessive detail.
“Mom, I’m in trouble.”
Sangwoo groaned softly and got up from bed, doing nothing until lunchtime. After taking a shower, he picked up pre-cooked rice and instant curry from the wall-mounted pantry to warm and eat. And when he finished washing the dishes, he went to sit in front of the computer.
Now, ‘VR, Venture’ has collapsed. Until he found another designer, working seemed meaningless, and he didn’t feel like playing games either. Sangwoo sat still without turning on the computer, but for a moment, he saw a flicker of light from the machine.
“What is it?”
He had the habit of turning off the computer when not in use to save electricity. So, he couldn’t leave the computer on for more than ten hours. As he moved the mouse, the screen brightened. Sangwoo looked at the messy folders and downloads folders open on the desktop and found videos about gay sex missing.
“...”
He started to panic, checked the trash bin to see if he accidentally deleted them, but there was none. When he checked the access log, he found a record that the folder was deleted at 00:55:21.
“Jang Jaeyoung!”
Sangwoo cursed himself, thinking that he had deleted the videos, but he was wrong. The other side couldn’t see the folder showing off on the desktop. He didn’t know what the consequences would be after Jaeyoung found out that all his information available on websites was stored there.
Unable to bear the frustration, Sangwoo permanently deleted the Jang Jaeyoung folder. His hands trembled, his face flushed, and he lived his life exposed. There was never a reason to be embarrassed, but this group only brought unfamiliar feelings. Sangwoo felt lost in the vastness of a wide ocean.
‘Sangwoo? Are you crying?’
Yesterday, he burst into tears. It was a memory he wanted to erase like a folder. Sangwoo’s last cry was during military training, when he took his sister’s magazine and slapped mosquitoes with it, getting it stained and then scolded by his sister. She sought revenge and he shed tears. He also cried when he ate spicy chicken that he bought, believing the seller’s lie that it wasn’t spicy, only to have it fill his mouth and overwhelm him with words.
Sangwoo always thought people cried too much. For example, when children gathered together on the last day of camp, lit incense, sang soft songs, and stimulated emotions. Among the sobbing crowd, like broken cogs, Sangwoo often stood out as someone who remained unaffected.
‘Hey, kid, why are you the only one not crying?’
‘I’m not sad.’
Even if he watched a sad movie, he wouldn’t be moved because no matter how sad it was, it was just a story in a film. It didn’t affect Sangwoo. At least for him crying was a reaction when something fake entered his eyes, but this time he learned one thing: when the mind feels unjust and oppressed to the extreme, tears flow out, and no matter how hard he tries, they don’t stop and continue to flow like that.
Sangwoo sat for a while and wanted to cry again. He had never known before that his ability to cope with his own stress was so pitiful. A life without anything soothing was a chaotic life. He thought the period when Jang Jaeyoung wore a red down jacket was the most difficult, but compared to what happened during this time, that period seemed peaceful.
He couldn’t overcome his desires and started an inappropriate relationship with the other party. It was as if he wanted to release his desires in the most violent way possible, almost like having something sneaked in. While trying to do something he had never done before, he was no different from a penguin trying to take wide steps to follow a phoenix with wide legs [1].
This ill-fated relationship ended just like that, starting from a group project. Even a small mistake could turn into an error that affected both the program, but Sangwoo couldn’t detect the semantic error named Jang Jaeyoung, so it’s better to stop here. Before it gets worse and hurts more than this, cutting the other party out of his life may make his condition worse, but he thought everything was the price of a completely wrong decision.
“I want to go home.”
This is the first time in his life that Sangwoo missed home so much, a home where everything went according to his mother’s plan, a home where everything was where it should be and nothing posed a danger to him. Sometimes he thought that being able to be alone might just be a boast because the world he used to believe was logical and reasonable. But once he got to know it for real, it became full of turbulent waves and pirates who brought great hardships that shot cannons at Sangwoo’s sinking ship.
Sangwoo slammed the keyboard and slowly slumped his face down before the ship sank, while scattered thoughts emerged in his mind as he was in a daze.
‘I want to see... when you dressed up as a pirate gangster.’
When he realized that endorphins were released in this situation, he was almost going crazy. It was time to go see that doctor again to check if his brain had any abnormalities.
Sangwoo moved the mouse to open the browser while still slumping at the table, and clicked on Jaeyoung’s SNS from his bookmark list. However, the last post was still a photo taken with Sangwoo during a Chinese drama performance. He clicked and searched only a few times, and images uploaded by someone he didn’t know appeared.
Search, click, click, capture, search, click, capture, click, search, capture, click, search, capture.
#Hankuk Festival, #Competition, #Spirit Liquor Booth, #Hankuk Drama Club.
A smiling white-faced vampire, a pale-faced vampire, a frightening-faced vampire, a vampire with plates and cutlery held in one hand, on one arm, and three bottles of soju in the other hand. Jang Jaeyoung, who had removed his makeup but still looked radiant in the group photo, wanted to see more pictures, but he found only eight images.
Sangwoo opened the data recovery program and restored Jang Jaeyoung’s folder. Then he renamed the saved images according to the format.
‘I probably can’t delete them... for now... I still can’t do it... let’s try again later.’
One day seemed endlessly long. Sangwoo took a long nap to deal with extreme stress. Then he got up and cleaned every nook and cranny of the house before having a simple dinner. Afterwards, after playing a few games, he removed all the keycaps from the keyboard to clean off the dust and dirt. After that, there was still some time left, so he exercised as usual, starting with floor exercises and other five sets. When he finished, he took a shower, and by the time he finished preparing to sleep, it was almost midnight.
At midnight, he usually reserved a seat in the library and checked his email. He didn’t need to go to university because he had no classes until Wednesday, so he skipped the seat reservation process and opened his inbox, but there was nothing interesting. There were only newsletters from game companies he had subscribed to and grammar lesson emails in English that usually came once a week. He opened and organized them all into categories. Then there was one more email.
[0430 Assignment.
Sender │Jae. J.
4/30, Assignment Details.
Edit the requested particle[2].
Add object[3] of weapon category.
Maps, Lv7-10.
Reset Nolimit mode.
UI of Ladder Ranking[4].
Large attachment file: 0430.zip.]
Sangwoo opened the email and just stared at it for three minutes. He didn’t know what the other party wanted him to do. After creating that chaos, the other party acted like nothing happened. What’s more, even though Sangwoo had requested it multiple times, Jaeyoung never sent the work via email at midnight. If he didn’t upload the file, he would bring the hard disk with him to the meeting.
When Sangwoo downloaded the attached file to check, he was surprised. There wasn’t a single file name that matched the guidelines or was spelled correctly, not even one file.
“It can’t get any more complete than this.”
The other party did a lot for one day. He followed the schedule and completed 50% of the postponed work, but despite that, there was no trace of the burned work at all, even after careful inspection, not even a single mistake. After organizing the files according to the headings... Sangwoo felt a little excited. Then he closed the program window.
‘Well, I know it’s designed well, but what does it all mean?’
He tried checking his phone for incoming messages, hoping to find something, but found nothing. Sangwoo was left in a state of confusion. return 0;.
________________________________________.
[1] The phrase “뱁새가, 황새를, 따라가면, 다리가, 찢어진다” means “If a
pheasant follows a crane, its legs will be torn apart.” It means doing something beyond one’s ability, imitating someone superior even when one lacks wealth or ability.
[2] Particle. Various effects, details of things. In games, such as maps, characters, items.
[3] Object. For games, it refers to various components within the game, such as characters, items, obstacles like trees, walls, buildings.
[4] Ladder, Ranking, ranking based on total scores, subtracting wins from losses.
Chapter 47 <111> #2.
The next day, Sangwoo’s daily life was the same as yesterday. No matter how he tried to study programming, it didn’t sink in. When he tried to read ahead to prepare for future lessons, there was no motivation.
‘Just one day off won’t hurt.’
Midterm exams were over, and he had no classes. On top of that, he encountered something shocking. He had the right to take a break, just like a tired person, a person with a long back, a lazy person like Jang Jaeyoung.
But it’s harder than he thought. If he doesn’t play games or take a nap during the day, time doesn’t go by. Sangwoo doesn’t know how to be lazy, at his mother’s house there are plenty of toys to play with to kill time, but when he goes out alone with his focus on studying, he never takes those things with him.
He walks around in a small room looking for something to do, and in the end, he wastes time moving furniture that is already clean, cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry, and going out to buy things to fill the shelves.
Even though he pretends like it’s nothing, the stress still weighs heavily on his emotions like walking on thin ice. It’s not much during the day, but the closer it gets to midnight, the worse it becomes. Sangwoo analyzes Jaeyoung’s behavior and speculates wildly.
[1.) Jaeyoung thinks about continuing the inappropriate relationship.
2.) Jaeyoung gives up on the idea of continuing the inappropriate relationship but wants to create a new game.
3.) Jaeyoung just sent the file he had previously prepared.]
Generally, he thinks that option two is the most likely, but it contradicts what was said before. The other party always does something beyond Sangwoo’s expectations, making it difficult to speculate on what he is thinking.
‘Let’s see how today turns out, then I’ll probably know.’
Sangwoo refreshes his email inbox and waits until midnight. Five minutes before the deadline, he gets ready and walks back and forth in the room before sitting in front of the computer. At that moment, the mobile phone on the table lights up, and both of Sangwoo’s hands grab the communication device and bring it to his face instantly.
[NonPaddler 3: Before the deadline, 5 minutes left_23:55.]
[NonPaddler 3: Memory alert - create a prototype [1]_23:55.]
Sangwoo looks at the message with an indescribable expression. He never thought there would be a day when Jaeyoung would warn him about the deadline.
‘I wonder what he is going to do.’
Although Jaeyoung is a strange person, this is too strange. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t understand the other party, and he can’t predict anything, like a difficult problem that Sangwoo cannot solve no matter how hard he tries. And at that moment, it’s midnight.
When he refreshes his email inbox, there are emails just like yesterday. The sender is ‘Jae. J’, and the subject of the email is today’s schedule and all the postponed tasks. As he was about to click and open the email, Sangwoo’s gaze shifted to the bright phone screen. There was an incoming call.
When he saw who was calling, he reached out and grabbed the phone to answer the call immediately, without having time to consider if it was appropriate or not. His body responded before he could think. Sangwoo opened his eyes wide and held the phone like that for a moment. It was strange whether he answered without saying, “Hello.” or held the line without saying anything. Sangwoo slowly raised the phone to his ear.
[Hello.]
The sudden greeting almost made him drop the phone. Sangwoo held the phone tightly, pursed his lips several times before reluctantly letting out a voice.
“What’s up?”
[It’s time, but I haven’t heard from you.]
“I’ve prepared the prototype, but since there’s no meeting, I didn’t bother showing it.”
[That’s great. I thought you wouldn’t do it again.]
“I’m not your hyung.”
Then the words stopped. Sangwoo wondered about the faint interference that followed the line. How would Jaeyoung, who was also holding his phone, look like, what posture he was in, what type of pajamas he wore, whether he wore glasses or not, and felt strange thinking such things.
[Have the past two days been good?]
“There’s no reason not to be comfortable.”
[Why, maybe you are not comfortable.]
“Well, I’m comfortable.”
[Alright then.]
The conversation ended again, speaking, speaking, speaking without substance, wasting radio waves meaninglessly, but now isn’t the time for endless talking, they have a problem to solve between them.
“Jaeyoung-hyung.”
He called the other party again, but there was no response.
“Why did you send the file? What happened yesterday made our relationship worse to the point where I thought of canceling the event again.”
Jaeyoung remained silent for a moment, pretending to cough as if asking whether it was such a difficult question. Sangwoo tightly gripped the phone in his hand, which was damp with sweat.
[Maybe I should find a way to earn money for further studies.]
The answer that came back was beyond expectations. Jaeyoung was like a cloud that couldn’t be grasped, like snow melting when trying to reach out and touch it. Sangwoo felt slightly annoyed.
“I wanted to do that too, but you said that working with me was suffocating and that you couldn’t separate work from desire. Isn’t that right?”
[What else, I’m talking about something like that…]
“‘Listen carefully, I’ve already told you that even if you’re a man, I don’t care. Choose whether to start with me or to end everything, whether it’s the game or anything else. And we don’t have to meet again, there’s no middle ground’ hyung you said it like this.”
[Are you crazy? Why do you remember things like that?]
“If it’s about you, hyung, I remember all of that.”
The longest-lasting silence swallowed the radio waves, waiting is really difficult for Sangwoo. He doesn’t want to get involved in meaningless matters, like the idiom, ‘pouring water into a cracked cup [2],’ which he hates. If Jaeyoung clearly states that he will withdraw from the project, he thinks he will find someone else.
[I don’t intend to stop.]
After a moment, Jaeyoung spoke softly, making Sangwoo’s hand holding the phone tense up. The communication tool that was already intimate with his ear was pressed even tighter than before.
[Well then, I’ll continue.]
Well then, ‘I’ll continue,’ is it? That’s a strange use of words.
[There are three main reasons: First, a lot of work has been done. It would be regrettable to cancel it now, and the results should turn out well.]
“I agree.”
[Second, you said you wanted to make a good portfolio, right? If I can help you achieve that, I’d like to do my best.]
Those words made his heart beat like a drum, regardless of whether Sangwoo knows how his own heart feels. Jaeyoung continues to speak as if nothing has happened.
[And the third point...]
Then he fell silent and refused to speak any further.
[I want to tell you this next point.]
“Okay, then. If that’s the case.”
[What about you? Will you continue?]
“I thought you were going to stop for sure. But if you say you’ll finish it, I have no reason not to do it.” [Okay. Then sleep well. And...] Jaeyoung trailed off.
[See you at the meeting tomorrow.]
The call was cut off before Sangwoo could say anything.
The conversation lasted for twenty-one minutes. This was the first time he had talked on the phone with someone for so long. Sangwoo’s cheeks were as hot as the temperature of the phone screen. He turned off the light and walked to the bed, like a zombie before falling down.
return 0;
“Chu Sangchu, it’s been a long time since we last met.”
“The last time we met was less than a week ago.”
“He used to come every day.”
Sangwoo entered the office room while listening to Yoona’s nonsensical words. Although Sangwoo had entered, Jaeyoung, who was sitting with his back turned, didn’t even pretend to notice. Sangwoo took out his bag from the adjacent seat and sat down on the chair.
“I’m here, senior.”
At that moment, Jaeyoung finally used his foot to turn the chair around.
Even though the other party was acting cool, he could still tell that the face he hadn’t seen in a while looked tired and it was difficult to pinpoint where the problem was, but it seemed like things weren’t going well.
“Is there something bothering you?”
“He has been busy with work for the past two days.”
Yoona spoke as if she was Jaeyoung’s spokesperson. Sangwoo felt his face turning red. At the same time, he raised his hand and covered his eyes.
‘You fool, who told you to work all night.’
Even though he had given up looking for a cause, he didn’t know why he was acting like this all of a sudden. Sangwoo didn’t feel any better. At the same time, he picked up his phone.
“I’ve prepared the titles, character status, partial world maps, and level 1 farms. The damage still needs to be balanced, so take a look at all of this first.”
He opened the files that he had transferred to his phone in advance and handed them to Jaeyoung. Then he sat back and looked at the ceiling.
“Is this a test app? I want to see it.”
“It’s still just a prototype.”
“I have high expectations.”
While Jaeyoung played as an example, Yoona stood behind him, commenting along.
“Oh wow, cool, huh?, Oh... it doesn’t seem very continuous. Oh... um, like this, whoa-ho-ha! What’s that? Why is it moving like that? It’s super weird...”
While Yoona kept criticizing, Jaeyoung only looked at the phone screen and used his long fingers to play the game with a tired expression. Initially, Sangwoo didn’t think much of it, but when he saw that the other party’s expression didn’t change, he felt a little worried.
“This is still just an example, so it looks a bit rough.” “But even so, it doesn’t mean we can make it perfect.” Sangwoo raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, that’s right... this is going a bit too far, it’s not even a total breakthrough, but the game looks interesting.”
Yoona returned to her seat and picked up her headset. Then, not long after, Jaeyoung skillfully peeled the wrapper off his eyes and placed Sangwoo’s mobile phone down.
“Chu Sangwoo.”
“Yes?”
“When we first met, didn’t I already tell you that it’s just the system working is not everything?”
Sangwoo paused with an inexplicable look on his face. Finally, he made eye contact with Jaeyoung for the first time today. The other party’s gaze seemed more elusive than one could guess what he was thinking. He looked at Sangwoo silently before lowering his eyes as if tired.
“The title is too slow.”
“How slow? Well, 1.8 seconds, as agreed upon...”
“Fix it then, it looks too slow. Make it faster when changing scenes, when fading in the image, it’s slow, the transitions are slow.”
“That’s the same...”
“Fix it then, it looks slow, so try speeding it up. The basic movements of the characters don’t look natural. Have you heard what Choi Yoona said? Being able to make a flying hand explode is very strange. And when attaching the crystal [3] to the avatar, it would be good to add effects...
Let’s talk about this next time.”
Sangwoo kept Jaeyoung’s words in mind, but the other side didn’t say how he should do it, leaving him confused. Jaeyoung pointed out two or three more points that needed improvement.
“If you’re just an ordinary game developer, then go ahead with it like this. But if you want to hang a sign that says “creator.” you can’t do it without feeling.”
His blackened heart sank even deeper. Just being scolded by Jaeyoung at times, finding him boring and lacking imagination, but while working together, Jaeyoung was the only one who tended to get annoyed. Yes, it was the first time he encountered such a situation. Although he didn’t like it, Sangwoo had nothing to say.
“Don’t make that face, remember that this is teamwork.”
“How should I look then?”
“I don’t know... Look like you scored 79 on an exam, or something like that. Put on a poker face first; I’ll tell you what it means later.”
Sangwoo opened his notebook without saying anything, feeling uncomfortable with the atmosphere that was different from usual, perhaps due to lack of sleep. Jaeyoung didn’t complain or tease as usual, and there was no mischievousness on his face. In the past, the other party was like a wild horse that had to be both cajoled and provoked to be able to move forward. But today, for some reason, it felt like a partner who took things seriously.
“Do seniors not know how to use an avatar?”
“I tried searching just now. The GUI[5] seems to work fine. As for the parts I don’t know, you can tell me. Open the title first.”
Jaeyoung entered Sangwoo’s realm. They sat next to each other, close but without unnecessary physical contact. Their eyes were fixed on the computer screen. Despite this, Sangwoo felt flustered, as if he was being watched or scrutinized.
________________________________________.
[1] Prototype. In this case, it refers to the prototype of the game.
[2] Drowning in the bottomless pit, a Korean idiom meaning trying hard but not feeling proud or satisfied, or just trying in vain.
[3] Critical hit, abbreviated from Critical. It refers to a more powerful attack than a normal attack, with a random chance of occurring.
[4] Afterimage, a temporary visual illusion that appears after an object that you have seen disappears.
[5] GUI “Graphical User Interface”, the graphical part of the user interface, which is a way of operating a computer through symbols or images rather than just text. GUI elements include icons, windows, menus, buttons, and mouse usage, even touchscreens.
Chapter 48: <111> #3.
“Then how many seconds should we change it to?”
“Don’t worry about time, make it bigger for a bit and then smaller.”
“What size... 110%. Is that okay?”
“Don’t think about numbers, go with your gut feeling.”
Without realizing it, Jaeyoung placed his hand on the back of Sangwoo’s hand holding the mouse. Jaeyoung was focused on the computer screen.
Sangwoo missed the timing to withdraw his hand.
‘Uh... ah, huh?’
In the midst of confusion and fluster, Jaeyoung held onto his hand and clicked the mouse, moving it nonchalantly to adjust the timeline and resize the image.
“How’s the preview?”
Upon hearing that, Sangwoo regained his composure, pulled his hand away, and pressed a shortcut key. Then the result of Jaeyoung’s actions appeared in a new window. The same duration as before, but with added effects that made it more lively. Sangwoo stared at the computer screen.
“Chu Sangwoo.”
“Yes.”
“This is not a competition. Remember that we’re working together. Who do you think is better at graphics, is it you or I?”
“You hyung.”
“So who should be the leader?”
“You hyung... .”
Jaeyoung remained silent for a moment. When Sangwoo turned to look, he found a pair of eyes staring at him. Then suddenly, Jaeyoung spoke out loud.
“Choi Yoona!”
Yoona continued to nod her head and work as usual. Once he was sure that no one was eavesdropping, Jaeyoung lowered his voice and continued speaking.
“Human relationships are the same. They don’t happen on one side alone. It’s about coming to an agreement together. Can one person make decisions and cancel them?”
Suddenly, the topic of conversation changed. It seemed that Jaeyoung was no longer interested in looking at the computer screen. Sangwoo faced the piercing gaze of the other party.
“No.”
“Did you do something wrong?”
“I don’t know.”
“What you said about stopping, I can’t accept it. Let me explain the reasons to you again and listen carefully.”
Jaeyoung spoke without averting or blinking his eyes.
“You said you were upset because you were beside me and had feelings, right? You probably don’t know. Normally, in times like that, we should get closer to each other to fulfill our desires. This is a proven method. We haven’t done enough to make a decision that it has failed. You rushed to a conclusion too quickly.”
“I’ve tried my best.”
“I think the main reason you wanted to stop suddenly is because of the video clip. You haven’t searched enough.”
“Not... not enough?”
“Yes, there are only two of us. Why did you watch the videos for three people or eight people? And who would have a horse rocking with a vibrator at home? If one does that, then maybe they would end up at the hospital every time, right? Tell me honestly, did you download the entire chart?”
“...I think high download counts can guarantee the usefulness of the data.”
“The pornography industry is based on people’s imagination. Did you overlook that? I have no idea how you’re different from those ancient guys who believed that playing games, FPS[1] would turn them into murderers.”
“Hyung, aren’t you speaking a bit too harshly?”
“Well, it’s wrong from the conditions, you know. In our relationship, there are only two people involved, just you and me. No one else has a way to interfere. And I don’t want to be hit, nor do I want to hit you. That’s not right, it’s not correct, understand?”
The reasoned criticism made Sangwoo unable to speak, as Jaeyoung said. It seems that he didn’t consider the specific nature of the information he was unfamiliar with, but even so...
“Let’s just say the data I saw was heavily distorted, but I didn’t study it solely from the video. In most of the text I read, it mostly stated the insertion of sexual organs into the rectum directly...”
“Stop teaching biology for now.”
Jaeyoung shouted ‘Choi Yoona!’ again to check if she was still paying attention to the song. Then he leaned down slightly and whispered something.
“Sangwooya.”
“...”
“When we agreed to have sex, yours... mine... rectum... damn it... and let’s just say it’s not necessary, please, remember that we’re just two people together. If one person enters... the other doesn’t have to do anything.”
“Really? You don’t have to do it equally.”
“It’s not a punishment at all. If you don’t want to be on the receiving end, just be the opposite, well... From what I’ve heard and seen, the one on the receiving end also feels very good, so this should alleviate the desire, right?”
“Did you hear that? What if you’ve tried it before?”
Jaeyoung’s face became complicated beyond description, and he glanced at Sangwoo.
“What do you think? Try using your imagination a bit.”
Sangwoo’s two sides of the brain worked quickly. Jang Jaeyoung clearly stated that he had slept with men before, and sexual intercourse between men has something to do with the prostate. Jang Jaeyoung said he didn’t feel that. Therefore, there are two conclusions. If it’s not because of the lack of expertise that makes you feel nothing, then it must be because...
“Um... so hyung, you...”
Sangwoo automatically bent his left finger into a circle. Then he inserted his right index finger into the empty space of that circular shape. Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo making hand gestures and just laughed, which seems to be true from the fact that he didn’t deny it.
“So... what about me?”
Sangwoo continued to observe his left hand in a posed position, okay, before stopping imagining things he had never tried.
“Keep that in mind for later, my dear... whether to tie me up like in the clip, or... well, let’s say we don’t need those devices, I won’t use force on you either, I promise.”
Jaeyoung hurriedly spoke without pausing for breath, “Phew.” he raised his face and continued speaking without giving Sangwoo a chance to respond.
“And I will propose the next option, so listen carefully.”
“An option? What is it?”
Jaeyoung paused and changed his sitting position. He rested his elbows on his knees, and his hands searched each other. The image resembled a composition on the cover of an action adventure game.
“I haven’t changed anything, I still want to hold your hand, kiss you, and have sex with you just like before.”
Jaeyoung spoke casually as if it were a normal topic, like wanting to eat pizza, fried chicken, and naengmyeon [2].
“It seems like your mind is more complex and chaotic than mine, so I’ll wait.”
“What do you mean?”
“It means taking things slowly, not forcing anything from you. If you don’t willingly offer, then I won’t do anything.”
“Really? If during that time, I don’t feel like doing it anymore, can I stop in the middle?”
“If you don’t want to, then what can I do? Should I insist on doing something?”
Sangwoo paused, he often worried when faced with Jaeyoung. What would the other party say? Would they do something beyond reason? Would they confuse him? But today was only today, different from before.
“This isn’t a competition, don’t forget that it’s teamwork.”
Three days ago, the other party still stubbornly said that they wanted to stop everything. Now, Jaeyoung didn’t know what inspired him, but that day he looked truly shaken. However, today he spoke in a way that was understood and seemed calm.
Jaeyoung remained silent for a moment before reluctantly getting up from his seat.
“Alright, I acknowledge that. Then I’ll go take a break, you can continue working here.”
“...”
“If you want kisses, wake me up first, then we can do it.”
“I won’t do it. No!”
The other party smiled with their eyes and walked past Sangwoo. Sangwoo looked at the back of Jaeyoung lying on the folding bed before grabbing his belongings in the office and turning off the lights. Then Yoona took off her headphones angrily.
return 0;.
Just when he thought the project had collapsed, it revived and progressed smoother than before, after completing the basic restructure about a week ago. Jaeyoung began to actively participate in animation production. Although initially it was difficult to adjust to the other party who evaluated results with phrases like ‘a little bit more’ ‘too much’ and ‘just enough’ Sangwoo learned techniques through trial and error.
For example, if he heard the phrase “a bit bigger.” he would scale it up to 109%. If he heard “too small.” he would adjust it to 134%, and so on. Then he kept a mental manual and listened to detailed feedback from Jaeyoung, adjusting accordingly.
On Friday, Sangwoo arrived at the office at 6:31 PM. He worked on the assigned tasks under the guidance of the designer, fixing all the basic movements of the character and changing the animation when using weapons.. When Yoona saw it, she said that one of the characters looked like Sangwoo. Even though another character resembled Jaeyoung more, she couldn’t tell. Sangwoo thought that as a designer, his vision was sharp, but the other party’s vision was not.
At 9:03 PM, the three of them ordered fried chicken and wasted time on meaningless conversations, so they didn’t work after that. While leaving the office at 10:00 PM, Sangwoo realized that Jaeyoung hadn’t touched him except when he sent the chicken legs.
There were no meetings on the weekend, both on Saturday and Sunday when he returned home after part-time work. Jaeyoung would call at 10:01 PM. On Saturday, he asked about the storage capacity, and on Sunday, he inquired about the differences in the designs. Sangwoo answered in detail with admiration for Jaeyoung’s efforts to improve the game. On both days, Jaeyoung didn’t hang up immediately.
‘By the way, where were you born?’
It’s unknown why the other party asked such questions. When he answered that he was born in Daejeon City, the end of the line asked where he grew up and which school he attended. He replied that he was born and raised in Daejeon City, with a brief moment in Dongmun District until the age of nineteen. He graduated from middle school at Kwonmoon Middle School and high school at Dongmun High School. Then, the end of the line asked about his shoe size and the cost of his glasses. He answered that his shoe size was 270, and the cost of his glasses was 1.0 for both eyes. The other party complained sadly that he wore shoes in sizes 270 and 275, and his vision was 0.7, causing blurriness whether he wore glasses or not.
After hanging up, he was surprised by the duration of the call, which lasted 29 minutes one day and 34 minutes another day. Even though they didn’t talk much, it was strange that he spent such a long time on the phone.
On Monday, in the first week of May, Sangwoo went to class and went to the library to read books. After dinner, he went to the office and met Yoona as she opened the door. Until recently, she had to wear animal fur, but now the other party was wearing a sleeveless shirt.
“Oh, Chu Sangwoo, hi.”
“Hello.”
“I’m about to go out and find something to eat. Do you want to come along?”
“No, thank you.”
Sangwoo walked past the girl into the office. Inside, it was so hot that he understood why Yoona dressed as if it were summer. Sangwoo took off his jacket and hung it on the chair, then walked to the window. When he fully opened the window, his body encountered warm air, and it seemed like the air was unreasonably hot without his awareness.
At that moment, the door opened halfway. Sangwoo turned around and locked eyes with Jaeyoung, who was holding a white plastic bag. He was wearing a blue baseball cap on his head and bright knee-length jeans, which were dazzling.
“So you’re here.”
“Yes.”
“Why is it so hot today?”
Jaeyoung walked briskly and placed his bag on the table, while Sangwoo looked outside again.
“In the true month of May, but it feels like summer[3.]”
“Because using fossil fuels carelessly accelerates the greenhouse effect, you know.”
“Still eating.”
“Yes.”
There was a loud crackling sound from the back as the plastic bag was rustling. Sangwoo followed his gaze to the illuminated university landscape before returning to his seat. Jaeyoung was stirring something in a paper cup. Although he didn’t ask, the other party mentioned that it was almond
milk. Then he took out a foam box from the bag. When he removed the rubber band, six large dumplings were revealed.
“Why is there only you left?”
“Jaeyoung went out for a stroll.”
“Then we’ll be together. That’s nice.”
Jaeyoung said something with a spoonful of plastic in his mouth. Sang didn’t know how to respond, so he turned his face away, feeling as if the words had hit him suddenly, and his throat went dry. Sangwoo picked up a notebook from his backpack and placed it on the table, then stared at the black screen as if trying to penetrate it.
“Sangwoo.”
The other party just called him as usual, but he didn’t know why he felt so embarrassed. Sangwoo struggled to respond.
“Yes.”
“Eat the dumplings, I bought them from a famous shop.”
That was an order, not an invitation. When he turned to look to the side, Jaeyoung had already used chopsticks to pick up a large dumpling. The edges of the dumpling were soaked in soy sauce.
“Put it down. I’ll eat it later.”
“Hurry up. My arm hurts.”
The dumpling moved closer to the point of almost touching his face... Sangwoo couldn’t help but open his mouth. As he bit into the large dumpling, Jaeyoung took the remaining half of the dumpling and dipped it in soy sauce before stuffing it into his mouth.
“I’ve already eaten that.”
“Why should I care? We’ve already kissed.”
Each word from the other party today disturbed him strangely, and it was difficult to argue logically that if he was worried about infection, he should have been worried since they exchanged saliva before this.
________________________________________.
[1] FPS “first-person shooter.” Or, a first-person perspective shooting game, a type of game that revolves around firearms and attacks using weapons through a first-person perspective, meaning players experience the action through the eyes of the selected character.
[2] Naengmyeon, Korean cold buckwheat noodles.
[3] “The true month of May, but feels like summer.” The month of May in Korea is still within the spring season.
Chapter 49 <111> #4.
Do you want more to eat?”
“...Sure.”
Jaeyoung fed the remaining portion into Sangwoo’s mouth with an indifferent expression. Sangwoo chewed on the dumpling stuffed in his mouth. Whether it was because he ate too much or because the dumpling was hot, he felt the surrounding atmosphere becoming warmer.
“Why is it so hot today?”
“That’s just how it is.”
Jaeyoung placed the tray down and took off his hat, placing it on the table. With both hands, he grabbed the collar of his sweatshirt and pulled out in one motion, revealing the white T-shirt underneath that hugged his belly, making Sangwoo forget how to breathe. That belly, there were visible muscles occupying the space.
Jaeyoung tossed his own shirt onto the folding bed and put on the hat again. His bare arms, unseen at first, drew attention, and Sangwoo carefully observed the muscles and veins on Jaeyoung’s arms, some which were hidden beneath the sleeves. Although he didn’t want to think about what he did to those arms on the car that night, he couldn’t stop himself from doing so.
Suddenly, Jaeyoung turned to meet the gaze. Startled, Sangwoo quickly looked back at the computer screen that hadn’t booted up yet and pretended to adjust the mouse that he hadn’t lifted.
“This is the first time you have seen this.”
Jaeyoung lifted his shirt sleeve, revealing a strange tattoo9467.
“I saw it before.”
“When? Oh...”
A brief silence ensued. Sangwoo took out a water bottle from his backpack and poured it down his throat. After drinking it all, he used the back of his hand to wipe away the water dripping from the corners of his mouth. It was at that moment that Jaeyoung spoke up.
“You must have seen it when we were close together in the car.”
Luckily, he had finished drinking water, or else he would have sprayed out for sure. When Jaeyoung mused, “That day was really good.” Sangwoo felt that they should change the topic seriously.
“Why did you get a tattoo?”
“Why? Is it like a gangster?”
“Just a little bit.”
“It’s a signature design from a few years ago. You can think of it as a drawing.”
“Why did you draw on the skin?”
Because I wanted to draw?”
Jaeyoung was busy eating rice. Sangwoo sat on a chair and looked at the signature imprinted on. Jaeyoung’s arm. He used to think that tattoos were only for delinquents, but maybe because it was on the other side, it didn’t look that bad. Upon closer inspection, it looked like a bird, like an unfamiliar country’s letter, like a falling star, and like flickering flames.
Sangwoo felt that the drawing resembled Jaeyoung in a way that he could never know his true identity.
“It’s quite impressive.”
“I’ve never seen anything like that before.”
“If you are surprised by something like that, I’ll draw something on your arm too.”
Sangwoo hesitated at first, feeling resistant, but then his curiosity and desire to see something new surged up. If he had a drawing on his arm, how would it make the other person feel? While Sangwoo was contemplating, Jaeyoung finished dealing with the app and tossed the paper cup aside, then turned on his computer.
“Do you have a preferred shape?”
Sangwoo was lost in his contemplation and absentmindedly looked at the side of Mr.eyoung’s face. Jaeyoung seemed to sense that gaze and spoke confidently.
“Can’t be me, and nothing else. Drawing a tattoo doesn’t make a person beautiful.”
“Are you crazy?”
If he didn’t speak up, horns would sprout his mouth. Sangwoo made a frustrated sound, pondering how to dispel the misunderstanding that tarnished his reputation. He didn’t take long to come up with an idea because there were only a few things he liked so much that wanted to draw them on his arm.
“Draw a backhoe truck, please.”
“Okay.”
Jaeyoung turned on his computer screen and opened a web browser to search for images. Sangwoo moved closer to him to participate.
“I prefer a wheel type. Not a trackball.”
“What is a trackball?”
“I’m looking at this one. It’s a spider wheel. I don’t want the belt-driven type, I want a wheel type. A wheel.”
Jaeyoung only clicked on unrelated pictures. Sangwoo was getting frustrated that the other party didn’t understand what he was saying.
“That one is a small joystick. Wait, I told you it’s a small joystick.”
But I think this one is the most beautiful.”
“It doesn’t have to be 0.8 tons to be able to move something. Damn it...
You don’t know anything.”
“You can stop with the teasing now. You do it yourself.”
As Jaeyoung handed over the mouse, Sangwoo had already found his favorite model and opened it on the screen. Jaeyoung stared at the computer screen for a minute. Then he opened the drawer and took out two or three thick-barreled pens, different from the regular pens sold in the market.
“Where should I draw?”
He spoke while still looking at the screen. Sangwoo thought about the point where he could make a mistake, but it didn’t bother him in his daily life, and he didn’t reveal it to the outside world. Then he extended his left arm.
“Above the elbow.”
Jaeyoung turned the chair and brought a pen close. He grabbed Sangwoo’s wrist, unbuttoned the cuff, folded it up to the shoulder, and brought his left arm close to Sangwoo’s arm, using his palm to gently touch the soft flesh under the forearm.
Maybe because of the hot weather, the other party’s skin was also warm, and he felt a tingling sensation as if there were insects crawling on his skin. Although Sangwoo was uncomfortable, once he allowed it, he could only sit still.
“Let’s start.”
“...Okay.”
Jaeyoung blinked and used his teeth to pull off the pen cap. Although there was nothing, his posture looked provocative. He used his other hand to pick up the capless pen and placed it on the table. Then he moved the chair closer, firmly held Sangwoo’s arm, and started drawing with the thickbarreled pen.
The sound of the pen moving smoothly on the skin became louder, straight lines, straight lines, straight lines. Then curves, gripping the pen tip up. Then tilting down, the thickness of the line changed every time the posture changed. Moreover, every time Jaeyoung tilted his head, the perspective of the face he saw was different. Sometimes he saw the bridge of the nose under the brim of the hat, sometimes he saw the eyes focused on the drawing, because Jaeyoung was focused on drawing. Sangwoo could secretly look at him, opportunities like this didn’t come often.
“In the first class of ‘Embedded System’, do you use this pen to write on your hair?”
Mr.eyoung made the line disappear.
...I guess so.”
He said he was tracing the connecting line.
“Suddenly asked why?.”
“I’m thinking it probably won’t erase easily. That day, I erased it until I was tired.”
“I intended to draw this size, so it would be easy to erase. But it didn’t work.”
Then Jaeyoung continued drawing the wheel quietly. Sangwoo thought that the person who was so close and drew the picture he liked the most on his body was none other than Jang Jaeyoung, he couldn’t help but feel that way. Here. Jang Jaeyoung + a backhoe. His heart couldn’t be normal anymore. Luckily, he was in a state of complete consciousness. If he were intoxicated to the point where he lacked inhibitions, he might cling to the other side without caring about the rules.
Sangwoo quietly enjoyed the mixed feelings of joy, excitement, anxiety, and desire. When he felt that way for the first time, he didn’t know what to do, but now that he has experienced that feeling several times, it no longer feels strange to him.
Apart from the sound of the pen, the drawing appeared in the midst of perfect silence. Jaeyoung started drawing from the wheel, up to the body of the car, and ended at the robotic arm. Sangwoo felt excited by the appearance of the large machinery slowly emerging on his arm.
“Hyungnim.”
“Why?”
“You are like a wizard, aren’t you?”
The corner of Jaeyoung’s lips drew a curve. He wanted to look into the other person’s eyes, but the brim of the cap blocked his view. Sangwoo hated baseball caps, even Major League Baseball teams.
“Take off the cap, please.”
“Why?”
“I won’t tell you.”
Huh, Jaeyoung’s shoulder trembled, causing the sketch he was drawing to twist. Sang screamed in his heart, and at that moment, the other person used the wide end of the pen to cover the messed up part and started drawing again underneath it.
After a while, Jaeyoung spoke up.
“No, you also have to suffer.”
‘Say something?’
Sangwoo shut his mouth and looked up.
“If it bothers you, just say directly that it bothers you.”
Jaeyoung just laughed and continued drawing without saying anything. return 0;
The next day, it had been a long time since Sangwoo lived peacefully like this. Although he and the designer disagreed on the issue of releasing it for free play[1] it wasn’t a heated argument.
At 20:43, Yoona said she would order pizza because she would stay up late tonight and asked for opinions on what type of food they wanted. Jaeyoung hesitated and said he wouldn’t eat unless it was a specific brand. Despite not being the one paying, Yoona scolded him for being picky but still ordered pizza from the mentioned restaurant.
“Hello... another three minutes? Okay then!... The pizza has arrived. Chu-
Sangwoo, go downstairs and get it.”
Yoona spoke after receiving a phone call from the pizza delivery person.
Sangwoo stared at the card the girl handed him silently.
“Why do I have to?”
“Because you’re the youngest.”
“Where are the younger ones here?”
“Don’t be annoying. In situations like this, it’s the duty of the youngest person.”
“Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean you’re less tired that your time is less valuable.”
“Enough, let’s just finish this!”
The idea that a young person had to take charge of everything was an illogical and unsuccessful way of thinking. He thought of his sister’s anxious face, calling him urgently to help turn on the lights before Sangwoo made a decision to fight Yoona. Jaeyoung walked past them.
“Where are you going?”
“To smoke.”
“Then bring the pizza with you, here’s the card.”
Yo handed over her credit card, but Jaeyoung walked to the door without stopping to take it. He left a final sentence before leaving the room.
“I’ll pay. Don’t order from Sangwoo like that next time.”
“What?”
Yoona asked back in confusion, but Jaeyoung had already left. Yoona sighed and guessed that it wasn’t a big deal after all. She thought about the illusion that Jaeyoung created, which made her appear to be a bad person.
“It seems like he’s pretending to be a good person because of work with the boss, but don’t be fooled, you know.”
I know. I’ve encountered it many times.”
“Sangwoo-ya. Sangwoo ya, hey... What is it? Anyone can tell that it’s fake...”
Just as Yoona was about to speak, she closed her mouth, her face turned angry and then changed to sadness. She remained silent for a while.
“I’ll go smoke a cigarette. Be right back.”
Then the young woman left the office. Sangwoo didn’t care, he saved his work and cleared the desk, removing the trash from Jaeyoung’s table. He then went to wash his hands in the bathroom, but when he returned to the room, Jaeyoung and Yoona hadn’t come back yet. It had been thirteen minutes since the pizza was supposed to be delivered. Well, fifteen minutes had passed.
He sat there floating, waiting for another two minutes. The door opened, and Yoona walked in and sat at her own desk. Jaeyoung came in holding a large pizza box along with a cola. He placed it on Sangwoo’s table. As he opened the box, he took out a slice of pizza and handed it over. AlthoughSangwoo was suspicious of the unnecessary kindness, he accepted the slice of pizza and started biting from the tip. The pizza was still warm. Jaeyoung picked up another slice and put it in his own mouth, while Yoona pulled a chair to their table.
“Why don’t you give me some?”
“Don’t you have hands or feet?”
“I don’t want to talk...”
The young woman forcefully pulled out a piece of pizza and stuffed it into her mouth, half a piece at once. They ate without saying anything for a while. After they had each eaten two or three pieces, Yoona suddenly spoke to Sangwoo.
“Hey, can I have your number?”
The phone screen that was handed to her had cracked lines like spiderwebs, and it was covered with a shiny orange jelly case that was quite shocking.
“What do you need it for?”
“Just wanted it. Maybe we’ll have something to contact each other about since we work in the same office, right?”
‘Probably not.’
Sangwoo understood the difference in her mind but still unlocked his phone and gave her his number.
Then Yoona made a call for about five seconds and hung up.
________________________________________.
[1] Play for free, or F2P. The term used to refer to games or applications that allow users to play or use the service for free without having to pay money.