[T/N] I apologize for grammar mistakes and incoherencies
Chapter 42: Magenta #1.
Jaeyoung washed his face clean and looked up. In the mirror, there was a man with drops of water running down his face, gazing back with a complex expression. He raised his hand to wipe away the moisture with a towel. Then, the fluctuating emotions that had persisted throughout the day subsided slightly.
The elusive expectations, surprises, anger, embarrassment, confusion, and ultimately, the bewilderment. It’s not easy to encounter such a variety of emotions within a single day.
“Hey... What am I doing?”
He groaned bitterly and picked up the shopping bag containing his clothes. As he stepped out of the Faculty of Humanities, a warm breeze blew against his cheeks.
Jaeyoung knew well that Chu Sangwoo didn’t see him as a target of love, just a side position left for the opposite party, something “normal.” While
Jaeyoung was only the target of “abnormal sexual desires.”
Jaeyoung thought that sometimes a relationship based solely on the physical with Chu Sangwoo might be better. Even if it felt strange, like an 18+ cartoon drawing with characters like Teletubbies, no matter what, he was easily bored with everything. After sleeping with Sangwoo once, the fun would naturally diminish, and he didn’t want to complicate things by pursuing a senseless emotional development afterwards.
While wearing vampire costumes and carrying signs around the university, they came across a couple taking pictures together under a blooming tree. After that, Jaeyoung was overwhelmed with anger.
‘Having sex with me, but dating Ru Jihye?’
He deceived me by calling me ‘Hyung’ and invited me to play games together. He even sat next to me in the office and made others uncomfortable. He would suddenly come close and give me a kiss, followed by a passionate kiss as if sucking souls, but he insisted that we were not dating. And in the end, he showed up at the festival with Ru Jihye?
“Hey, do you think it’s okay to look down on me like trash?”
The rising anger made his heart beat faster. If the act of checking off names instead of Jaeyoung was equivalent to putting a liter of garbage into the trash bag, then Chu Sangwoo was no different from a sewage treatment plant. Jaeyoung realized this and snatched the mask from his junior and chased after them, disrupting his rhythm.
As he walked back with a wireless keyboard, Jaeyoung was confused. He couldn’t find any reason to be angry, even for a moment. If their relationship wasn’t defined as a couple, then it was just a matter of satisfying their desires. It didn’t matter if anything else was involved.
Regardless of whether Chu Sangwoo had the same mentality as a garbage incinerator, he had to let it go. With that thought in mind, he returned and thought, “Let it go.”
However, tonight... there will be sex, satisfying desires, and it is over. There was sex, satisfying desires, and it was over.
He repeated those words in his head, but the moment Sangwoo entered the tent, that thought collapsed. He intentionally created an empty seat for the other person to sit in, so that he wouldn’t go to sit with someone else, the work he planned to do only during the restaurant’s opening, he stayed until it was finished, and it became like that.
The young man sitting opposite him at the table under the dim light looked suitable, a gentle man with a hidden cuteness, and a passionate and charming woman with flickering eyes and softness. Although it was clear that Sangwoo didn’t care about Ru Jihye even a bit, he still couldn’t help but feel unsettled.
‘The complex biological mechanism of humans has evolved into a form of sexual attraction to produce the next generation, though I think it’s an inefficient method, it is true that the human race survives and reproduces through mating and the intricate process of pregnancy.’
It’s possible that if I hadn’t intervened, Chu Sangwoo would have had relationships and love with the opposite sex. That very thought was the cause of his frustration.
Ru Jihye seemed to be trying to claim victory at the end. Every time we met, she would dress up and wear beautiful outfits. Today, she appeared in a green pea costume with a waistband, wearing Enamel sandals [1] and a hair accessory decorated with pearls.
‘What do you think of yourself as Dorothy, being dressed like that, going here and there?’
Even though he felt it was excessive, the young woman looked cute and fresh. Jaeyoung didn’t like how Sangwoo looked at the other party, so he...
‘Seohyun, we haven’t taken the menu to table three yet.’
‘Ah! I’ll bring it right now!’
‘Hyung-jin, the kids at table three look bored.’
‘We can’t let that go on! I’ll go right now.’
‘Jin, send the service to table three.’
‘Yes! I’ll go right away.’
‘Seohyun, table three...’
‘Yes, I’ll go right now!’ ‘Hyung-jin.’
‘Yes. I’ll go right now!’
Recently, without saying a word, the siblings took the trays and served themselves to Galbi and Soju. They really acted like horses with blinders on because of the wax.
Jaeyoung returned to pick up the belongings at the tent. Then, he took a few pictures together, said goodbye to the siblings, and went to the car.
‘What a waste it is to be like this.’
Jaeyoung stood in front of the parking lot and smoked three cigarettes in a row.
What exactly is Chu Sangwoo? He follows one man to tease him, copies his own notebook to gain favor, becomes a slave working day and night, secretly stalks like a stalker, participates in game activities that he himself is not interested in.
‘I fucking hate everything red. I’ve thrown away red shirts, red jackets, red beanies, and red underwear. Damn it since the first day I wore those my life has been wrecked.’
Is it regrettable? It’s regrettable that Chu Sangwoo didn’t know his name and didn’t acknowledge his existence at that time. After about a year, it’s regrettable that the other party still doesn’t know how cool he is, and now it’s regrettable that the other party doesn’t see him as a target of love.
He tasted the bitterness of the cigarette. As he looked up at the black sky, he automatically exhaled. They hadn’t slept together. Why would he hold on to something like that, wasting energy for what? No matter how much he tries to seduce himself, there are no answers.
Jaeyoung threw away the half-smoked cigarette, opened the car door, and got in. Then, he was violently shaken.
“...”
Sangwoo was lying in a deep sleep, leaning against the car door, so Jaeyoung’s long, slender white neck, which was his weak point, was clearly visible. ‘Actually, even if it weren’t like this, the situation would still be intense.’ Jaeyoung tensed up, held his breath. In his head, thoughts brewed that if he were caught, Sangwoo would accuse him, but then he closed his eyes and remained still. Then he adjusted his breathing to normal. No matter how quickly he woke up, he wasn’t a despicable person who would take advantage of a sleeping child.
‘Stay calm, calm-calm.’
When he raised his gaze again, his heart calmed down slightly. Jaeyoung took a deep breath. Then he looked at Sangwoo again before extending his hand out in that provocative manner.
‘Just adjusting the buckle, nothing else.’ He had no other intentions, really.
He moved closer to Sangwoo, stretching his arm out to grab the safety buckle. Then he leaned down and pulled the buckle to fasten it. Sangwoo’s hand rested next to the red button, with short, clean nails as if they were just cut yesterday, and visible knuckles.
Tense.
Jaeyoung inserted a lock plate into the safety buckle before lifting his upper body and intentionally turning his face towards the man. His face was about ten centimeters away from those slightly parted lips. He didn’t know when the smell of alcohol had started affecting his mood like this, making Jaeyoung dizzy. The young man licked his white throat with his eyes and slowly pulled his body back to his own place. While fastening the safety buckle, the force of his twist was sucked out completely.
Jaeyoung took a deep breath and started the car. Once he was settled in his seat, he didn’t know the meaning of serenity anymore. He wondered if something was attached to his ankle or not, as everything around him felt like it was in a state of constant agitation. It made him feel like he was back in his high school years when he first opened his eyes to sexual matters. Everything on this planet seemed to be viewed as male and female parts, making him feel erect solid all the time.
Jaeyoung stepped on the gas pedal without glancing around. He didn’t know what would happen, so he drove to Mr-Sangwoo’s house nearby first. The front apartment had no parking spots, so he parked randomly. Then he turned off the engine.
“Chu Sangwoo, wake up.”
‘It’s time for us to do something. You stubborn kid.’
Jaeyoung kept the sentence in his mind. After sitting quietly for a while and feeling a bit calm, he calmly unfastened his own safety buckle, took a deep breath, and turned sideways.
“...”
That drunkenness is becoming a problem again. Jaeyoung pinched and shook Sangwoo’s shoulder, but the other side didn’t wake up.
“I’ll unfasten... the buckle for you.”
After whispering to Sangwoo for a while with a sense of guilt, Jaeyoung supported him with his right arm. Then he stretched out his left hand to hold the door handle before leaning forward without necessity until his nose was close to Sangwoo’s cheek.
The other side’s skin reflected the moonlight in the midst of darkness, appearing pale. Everything was black or white like in a black-and-white film, with the desire to see Sangwoo’s face. So, Jaeyoung took off the other party’s hat and threw it on the backseat.
The high-contrast image content made Jaeyoung’s heart beat faster, including his nose and eyelashes, the shadow figure created by the edge of his lips, the black patterns on his cheeks caused by smudges on the glass. Every component made Sangwoo the protagonist, his sleeping face seemingly innocent, but when he woke up it looked so worn out that he had to lick his lips, feeling sinful at the same time.
‘What should I do with this kid?’
It’s a perplexing desire because the other party, unlike anyone Jaeyoung has ever been interested in, lacks any distinguishing features. This man in front of him was quiet, inflexible, and not versatile. Sangwoo may be an expert in some things, but he’s foolish when it comes to relationships.
Jaeyoung, who has had his fair share of relationships, shouldn’t pursue someone who doesn’t like him. There are plenty of people in this world, and he doesn’t think he needs to exhaust himself seeking someone during their highs and lows, except for Chu Sangwoo. He doesn’t know why he acts so cool and indifferent, unable to hold on.
At that moment, Sangwoo raised his eyes and blinked slowly before opening them wide like a 500-won coin [3].
“No, I can’t do anything.”
Jaeyoung hurriedly spoke as if he were about to kiss. The other party shouldn’t believe him at this point. Sangwoo’s chest moved up and down. Jaeyoung raised his hand to show that he didn’t have a weapon like a robber caught during a bank heist.
“It’s a misunderstanding. Sorry, wait.”
Then, Jaeyoung slowly lowered his right hand.
“Okay, look, I’ll just do it differently.”
When Jaeyoung pressed the red button, the safety buckle attached to Sangwoo’s chest loosened and was quickly sucked back up. Sangwoo lowered his eyelids and took a long breath. In this situation, Jaeyoung should retreat to his own place, but he can’t move.
“I... have something... to say.”
Jaeyoung felt the air in the car grow hot like a sauna. No, it’s not just a feeling. Condensation covered the windows completely, and the breaths were heavy and hot.
“What I want to say is... Ah, damn...”
“When you drink alcohol, you like swearing, don’t you?”
This is the second time Jaeyoung has heard the other party speak vulgarly. Sangwoo made a muffled sound, raising his hand to cover his face, then sat in that position for a moment. Shortly after, he opened his eyes again, and those tired eyes looked exhausted.
“What I want to say is... Ah... fuck, I’m going crazy.”
“You’re really annoying, you little brat.”
Just now, he thought the other party seemed indifferent, but now even breathing feels like a melodramatic film. The uncertainty between R-rated and all-age ratings makes it difficult for him to focus. Jaeyoung could only swallow his saliva.
“I... I... Me... It’s me. I studied it...”
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to listen to what you were saying. Jaeyoung only looked at Sangwoo’s moving lips, fascinated by their provocative movements.
“With the legal process... “blah blah blah” Pay... “blah blah blah” Download... “.
‘What is he saying?’
“By force... “blah blah blah” Violence... “blah blah blah” Male victim...”
And then the sound system went silent. There was only a moving mouth, but no sound could be heard. In that moment of intimacy, he felt like he became a deaf person. Jaeyoung lost his composure and leaned towards Sangwoo.
“Ah!”
________________________________________.
[1] Enamel shoes refer to leather shoes coated with enamel, giving them a glossy appearance, also known as “glass shoes.”
[2] Contrast, or the difference in comparison, refers to contrasting elements such as black and white, or light and dark.
[3] A 500-won coin, approximately the size of a 10 Thai baht coin.
Chapter 43. Magenta #2.
The sound was caught between a scream and a moan, Jaeyoung’s lips swallowing Sangwoo’s sound. Sangwoo hesitated for a moment before thrusting his tongue out swiftly. Jaeyoung had previously thought that the other side was like a vacuum cleaner. It was just a simple suction, but he didn’t know why it made him yearn to follow along like this. Jaeyoung greedily sucked and pulled at the edge of the other side’s lips forcefully and eagerly, with no time to spare.
Sangwoo’s fingers slipped behind Jaeyoung’s neck and held his hair, while his other arm wrapped around Jaeyoung’s back and pulled him closer. During this time, Jaeyoung willingly let himself be pushed and pulled, lifting his left knee above Sangwoo’s thigh, shifting the center of gravity to the driver’s seat. Then he sat down on Sangwoo’s lap before leaning down to kiss.
“Mmm...”
Sangwoo pushed Jaeyoung’s face away and took a breath. Jaeyoung himself was panting heavily as well. Was this human or animal? He felt momentarily guilty, but when he saw those eyes looking back at him, he felt reassured. In Sangwoo’s eyes, there was an intense passion burning. Jaeyoung didn’t feel the need to suppress his desires anymore. Even in the time spent gazing at each other, he regretted that he couldn’t catch his breath properly. The lips of both parties once again came close to each other.
In his heart, Jaeyoung felt the urge to bite and devour, to leave marks on the other’s skin and carve his own name. Affection? Love? He didn’t see the necessity of separating those feelings for even a moment.
Jaeyoung climbed up onto Sangwoo’s leg, slipping his left hand under the seat and pulling the lever. Then he leaned back, his body resting on the support. Sangwoo’s body trembled, and he let out a groan. Sprawled out on the support, Sangwoo only looked surprised on his face, but it seemed like he intentionally teased Jaeyoung because the other party was lying beneath his body.
After a moment, Jaeyoung leaned close to Sangwoo’s chest, using his fingertips to trace the twisted, scared face. Then he dragged his finger in a curved line from the shoulder to the neck. Finally, his desire became a reality as he pressed his lips against the base of the neck before feeling the force of Sangwoo’s hand on his shoulder.
“Are you crazy?”
The young man didn’t answer and continued to nibble at the same spot, teasing the visible mole on the pale white skin as if it were the target of his assault. He felt that Sangwoo shrank back, so he used his tongue to provoke him further. Then he bit down again. And he licked and repeated, doing it over and over again.
Why does genuine human skin smell so sweet? What’s so special about you, to be this fragrant?
Jaeyoung used his tongue to trace the path from the neck to the collarbone. When he reached the cheek, he kissed it multiple times. Then, when he reached the ear, he used his tongue to explore the narrow path and lightly nibbled on the ear, causing Sangwoo to let out a low moan. Jaeyoung kissed Sangwoo’s lips for a long time and used his right hand to encircle the waist hidden under the blue shirt like a snake.
It feels just as he imagined—no excess fat but not too thin, lean but flexible. Jaeyoung slid both hands along the other side’s back with a lost feeling. His hands, which were warm and slippery, moved from the flat abdomen straight to the chest and accidentally brushed against a small nipple before gliding up to the neck once again.
When he pulled away from the edge of the mouth, Sangwoo breathed a sigh of relief. Jaeyoung began unbuttoning the shirt without warning the other side to breathe through his nose. He wasn’t clumsy, but he didn’t know why their hands ended up entwined like this. The shirt had too many buttons. He managed to undo three buttons, but then he accidentally pulled all the remaining buttons off at once. One white button bounced and rolled on the seat before disappearing into the dark shadows. Originally, he thought he would be scolded, but Sangwoo didn’t seem to care at all. He grabbed Jaeyoung’s wrist and pulled him closer.
“Hyung... didn’t you hear... what I said?”
“...Oh.”
“I’m drunk... I can’t make any decisions... So...”
“That’s not a problem. Take off your shirt.”
The one drinking alcohol was Sangwoo, but the one who seemed intoxicated was Jaeyoung himself, Jaeyoung. He felt dizzy as he pressed his lips onto the bare body, sucking the warm skin and using his tongue to explore the collarbone. Sangwoo twitched his legs and exerted a strong grip on the arm that held him. Jaeyoung grabbed the hand that was trying to push him away and held it tightly, then continued to gently lick the other side.
“Ah... Ha, why... did you ignore... what did I said?”
It seemed like Sangwoo had lost his language skills... Jaeyoung didn’t understand what Sangwoo was saying at all. Sangwoo was still trying to push Jaeyoung away, but maybe it was because he had just been drinking or he was in an emotional state, his strength was not as strong as usual.
“Why do you have to speak? Your body can talk enough.”
The corners of Jaeyoung’s mouth descended onto Sangwoo’s chest without him realizing it, while on one side he sucked with his mouth. On the other side, he fondled his hand, pulling and tugging at the strands of hair, revealing that the other party was enjoying it. Every time he licked with his tongue, Sangwoo’s body writhed. Jaeyoung understood that the other party would escape, so he firmly held his waist, with his spine pressed against his sweaty back.
Sangwoo pulled up Jaeyoung’s clothes around his neck unknowingly as well. The sweater and undershirt that Jaeyoung had worn underneath were removed simultaneously and thrown onto the back seat. Meanwhile, the glasses were also taken off, and in the slightly blurred vision, he found Sangwoo lying there, his eyes filled with a burning fire, as if devouring Jaeyoung entirely.
“Sangwoo-ya.”
“Yes.”
The response was like a normal call, making him chuckle. Despite being in such a vulnerable state, his face was filled with genuine desire.
Jaeyoung’s gaze fell between Sangwoo’s legs, which protruded until almost piercing through the thick denim pants. Jaeyoung thought that the other party enjoyed undressing—just an ordinary person in plain black clothes, clean and simple, and...
“Who would have thought you’d have a black dog hiding inside.”
“What are you saying, you pervert?”
Jaeyoung reached out to undo the tightly fastened belt buckle and unbuttoned the jeans.
“Wait.”
Sangwoo firmly grasped Jaeyoung’s hand, causing Jaeyoung to respond in annoyance.
“Why? I’m busy.”
“I... have something important to say.”
“Say it.”
“You’re just making it hard for me to speak, hyung.”
“Then don’t say it.”
Jaeyoung leaned down again, using his mouth to cover the other’s lips, emitting a loud sound. At the same time, he hurriedly moved his hand, sliding down the zipper and pulling down the pants urgently. Even though his eyes were closed, he could feel from the touch of his hand that what was inside was boxer briefs made of satin fabric. When Jaeyoung touched the center point that no one had ever touched before, Sangwoo forcefully bit Jaeyoung’s lip.
Just by looking at the flushed face, the wandering gaze, the trembling voice, and the intense kiss, the truth that he had anticipated became clearer—that the possession of Sangwoo himself was also craving release, just like what was inside Jaeyoung’s pants. Jaeyoung didn’t think about whispering sweet words gently. When he covered the wet fabric first...
Sangwoo tensed up and let out a moan.
“Why are you acting like this, Sangwoo?”
“Stimulating certain points… Blah blah… Male genital tissue… Blah blah…
Increased blood flow....”
The other party said some things that he sometimes listened to, and up until now, Sangwoo hadn’t resisted much, but when he was about to make a move, the other party began to resist fiercely, protecting himself between his legs. Jaeyoung had to brush him off and push the other party’s hand away.
“Ugh... No...”
“You won’t let me anymore.”
‘My heart wants to turn you over and penetrate you right away, but I see that your butt is narrow, afraid that you’ll get hurt.’
Jaeyoung held Sangwoo’s wrist and looked into his eyes, which were half closed with reluctance, and his body, which Sangwoo saw, also seemed reluctant.
‘Damn it, you’ve been resisting for too long.’
The young man had been in pain for a long time because that thing only signaled that it wanted to be released, but he couldn’t touch it. Jaeyoung unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, revealing a poorly shaped bulge. He didn’t know how much fluid had leaked out. The front was soaking wet.
Jaeyoung pulled down both of their undergarments at the same time. Then he pressed his body tightly against Sangwoo, lower part against lower part, upper part against upper part. And then they moved together.
Sangwoo grabbed Jaeyoung’s hand.
“If it’s like that, I’ll go home... and do it myself.”
“This is a chance for me to look at your face and be done with it, right?”
“Anyway... I’ve been doing it like this all along.”
“What does that mean, what you said?”
“I don’t want to... Uh, uh, oh!”
Jaeyoung held onto both their cocks with one hand and began to massage them gently, wanting to look at the other party’s face and continue, but the strong stimulation made him collapse. Jaeyoung buried his face in Sangwoo’s neck and took another breath. He felt the heavy breath hitting his ear, the warm fingers on his back, the scent of the body and sweat stimulating his nose, and the hot skin pressed against his body, causing his emotions to surge.
“Ah... Ah... Sang... Woo.”
His movements became stronger and faster. When it came to his own body, Jaeyoung knew well, but he had never aroused two people at the same time before.
“Chu Sangwoo, Uh... What are you doing?”
It doesn’t matter because the responsive body of the other party quickly responded to the fast movements of his hand. Their firm bodies collided, releasing fluids until their hands were wet. Jaeyoung’s hand started to hurt, but he continued to increase his speed.
“What are we doing now?”
Sangwoo lifted his hips and quietly twisted his body.
“I want to hear your voice.” so Jaeyoung initiated a conversation.
“Ah... Uh...”
Unable to overcome the overwhelming pleasure that overwhelmed his brain, Jaeyoung leaned his upper body down onto Sangwoo’s body, moving his hand faster. One of Sangwoo’s arms wrapped around Jaeyoung’s neck, while the other slid down to rest on Jaeyoung’s lower hand, adding pressure. Jaeyoung turned his face to kiss and bite Sangwoo’s lips and neck.
“Who... am I?”
Jaeyoung’s mind became intoxicated with the powerful stimulation, turning white and blurry. He struggled to lift his upper body and placed his chin on Sangwoo’s chest. The other party tightly shut his mouth, leaving marks on his chin. Jaeyoung then used his free hand to pry open the tightly closed mouth.
“Ah, Ha! Ha... Ha...”
Suddenly, a loud moan burst out. Jaeyoung tried to maintain his composure as he started to lose control, slipping his fingers into Sangwoo’s mouth to prevent him from closing it.
“Ah, Uh..., Uh..., Huh....”
The sound of Sangwoo harmonized with the wet sounds. If it was like this...
“Sangwoo... Uh, if we were really doing it... you would cry, right?” Jaeyoung moved his hand faster, pressing Chu Sangwoo beneath him. Just this action alone quickly pushed him to the peak, and the overwhelming pleasure made the young man not even feel the pain of being bitten by Sangwoo.
“Sangwoo... Y-You, who am I?”
“Shut... your mouth.”
“Sangwoo... Why are you speaking like that? Uh..., Who am I...”
“Ah, Ha... Jang Jaeyoung, Damn... Hyung...”
As the excitement increased from hearing clearly, he tightened his grip and closed his eyes tightly. Then, as the train engine descended down the slope and floated in mid-air, it arrived. Jaeyoung felt like he was falling into a weightless state, an explosive burst of accumulated emotions, a black image in front pierced with red patterns, the color of physical ecstasy. Sangwoo seemed to bite Jaeyoung’s finger, causing a sudden shockwave and an explosive sound.
Two flesh-colored sticks were tightly pressed together in the palm, yielding results. Jaeyoung collapsed onto Sangwoo’s body and breathed heavily, feeling dizzy as if experiencing a new life, as if being in someone’s hands. He felt his body shivering.
“Ha... ha... ha...”
The overflowing happiness that made his hair stand on end gradually disappeared, replaced by a gentle fatigue that made him feel good. His raised hand reached to pull the still trembling shoulder and gently hugged it with the milky fluid that oozed out.
“I never thought you were mentally ill... this much.”
“...speaking of yourself like you are normal.”
Jaeyoung struggled to lift his body, holding Sangwoo’s dirty cheeks, using the back of his hand to wipe away the tears lingering at the corners of his eyes before pressing his forehead against them, unintentionally pressing the edge of his lips.
And then, a moment of calmness and tranquility passed. Both of them took a deep breath, their chests touching, but there was no improvement. The suffocating feeling in the pit of Sangwoo’s stomach signaled that he, including Jaeyoung himself, could not fulfill their desires.
The narrow space in the car felt suffocating. When he lifted himself up and let out a sigh, the skin that had been in contact still retained a faint sensation... Sangwoo raised his arms to cover his face and mouth as if he had just done something he shouldn’t have done. Jaeyoung pulled up his inner layers and spoke casually.
“I can’t stay dirty like this anymore.”
“...”
“I guess I have to go to your place... and we can take a shower together.” ________________________________________.
Chapter 44: Magenta #3.
Sangwoo continued to keep his eyes closed, allowing the silence to pass for a while.
“Do you want me to come inside?”
The other side of him became more sensitive.
“Don’t you want to?”
The other side’s symptoms seemed strange since earlier... Jaeyoung understood that there must be some resistance, but it didn’t seem so straightforward. However, what they both wanted was right in front of them now. The young man had no time to pay attention to Sangwoo, and even now, even though he had cummed once, the headless trunk of desire remained erect as before.
“First... Please back off first. I have something to say, but I can’t say it in this situation.”
The other side probably meant the disheveled state of clothing. The clothes were damp, his cheeks stained with milky white spots. Moreover, the cock was still standing there. Jaeyoung glanced down at Sangwoo, who suddenly showed a fluctuating mood, but then returned to the driver’s seat.
He managed to put on pants, opened the console of the car and grabbed the prepared condom bag to put in his pants pocket. As for the clothes, he thought he would have to take them off before putting them on properly.
In the meantime, Sangwoo got out of the car and walked quickly towards the building. Why did he look like he was trying to escape? Jaeyoung quickly got out of the car and chased after him.
Yes, that’s right... The other party was fleeing because Sangwoo’s unbuttoned shirt fluttered as he ran up the stairs, two steps at a time. Jaeyoung followed him and managed to catch up with Sangwoo on the third-floor stairs. He wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, causing him to turn around.
“Why are you running away?”
The staircase in the apartment building was dark, so Sangwoo’s eyes reflected the light from the street that shone through the window. The eyes that were once emotionless upon first sight now contained hidden hatred and annoyance. When he looked beyond the bindings that covered him, he would encounter a certain intense heat. However, Jaeyoung also saw the trembling turmoil behind that intense heat.
Why? It wasn’t enough to have moments of happiness. Why was it so difficult to put on a calm expression on his face? It seemed like there was something to say. He wondered if he was being too indifferent, but Jaeyoung didn’t want to hear anything at that moment. He tightened his arm around Sangwoo’s waist.
‘There’s a better way. And why do we have to speak?’
He was ready to use his body to express the emotions that were tightly packed in his heart and inject them into his bloodstream. He leaned Sangwoo’s body against him and closed his eyes, pressing his lips against the base of his neck. His fingertips slid along his back and the edge of his lips moved upwards.
Sangwoo’s body was feverish, like someone with a fever, and Jaeyoung’s fingers moved from his back down to his waist, moving up slowly along the side, touching each rib. While feeling a shiver under his arm, the sleeve of the shirt was pushed off, and his fingers trailed down the muscles on his arm until they reached his hand and intertwined.
As soon as their eyes met, Jaeyoung’s chest was forcefully pushed back, retreating two steps until his back touched the cold wall, and he felt a menacing presence approaching him closely.
“But... it’s making it impossible for me to speak.”
The two pairs of lips were just inches apart. Apart from the smell of alcohol. It was clear that there were hormones spreading out, stirring them up. Otherwise, it would be impossible to explain this turbulent state of mind.
“Why... Do you enjoy tempting people and making them suffer?”
Sangwoo’s forehead touched Jaeyoung’s forehead. When the other party used his hand to cover his eyes, Jaeyoung’s vision became dark, his heart beating as if it would explode. In an instant, Sangwoo’s lips touched Jaeyoung’s neck. Jaeyoung felt as if he was being forced to do the same thing again, biting down on his neck bone, his tongue hotly caressing the skin. Even though his consciousness was blurred by the teasing, the stairs leading up to the quiet building were filled with the sound of footsteps.
Jaeyoung couldn’t bear it anymore and held Sangwoo tightly in his arms. Then he pushed the other party up the stairs until they reached a small area less than one pyong [1], pushing him against the wall. At that moment, Sangwoo grabbed Jaeyoung’s wrist and pushed him into the corner.
“Now it’s my turn.”
Sangwoo continued from where he had stopped a while ago, without saying anything, and held Jaeyoung’s hand tightly, afraid that Jaeyoung would escape. Jaeyoung let Sangwoo do as he pleased, but staying indifferent was too difficult. His body was not satisfied, he wanted to take off all of Sangwoo’s clothes, to hold him tight, and merge into one. How narrow would the space inside Sangwoo be? How aroused would the other side become? He kept thinking about these things until his head felt dizzy.
“Go into the room first.”
Jaeyoung grasped Sangwoo’s wrist that had slid into his waist and slowly stepped forward. He didn’t know why he felt like unlocking the door took too long. Jaeyoung thought that he couldn’t bear it any longer, but sometimes, if he touched Sangwoo’s chest and kissed him, it might make time stretch even further. Sangwoo entered the wrong code three times before the door finally opened.
As soon as they entered the dark room, Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo’s body and pushed the other side to the back. He quickly found the position of the bed and pushed the other side down, immediately climbing on top. Just when he was about to kiss, Sangwoo turned his face and pushed Jaeyoung away.
“I need... some time to prepare.”
Jaeyoung ignored the words of the other side and held the chin of the person beneath him to make him turn back and looked at him, then pressed his lips down. Sangwoo used force to push Jaeyoung’s face away.
“I told you I need to prepare... Ah, hyung, please...”
Jaeyoung unbuttoned Sangwoo’s pants and pulled them down. At that moment, Sangwoo’s body stood up and tensed with an angry expression.
“Please wait! Just stop for a moment and give me some time to prepare.”
While being shocked by the unexpected turn of events, Jaeyoung heard a loud door closing. He turned to look at the bathroom door. Then he stood against the wall for a while before sitting on the floor feeling empty.
“What is it?”
“Please wait a moment. Just for a moment.”
Then came the sound of water, but it didn’t sound like the sound of a faucet. Jaeyoung thought the other side was probably washing his face in the bathroom sink. He stood leaning against the wall before finally sitting on the floor.
When the overwhelming emotions subsided a bit, he thought of drinking a glass of water, so he stood up and felt around for the light switch. When he turned on the light, he found a studio room separated from the kitchen area, clean and sparkling like new, with few pieces of furniture, giving a sense of spaciousness.
Apart from the bed, two desks, a bookshelf, a clothes rack, and a small cabinet, there is no other furniture in the room. In the kitchen, there is a gas stove, wall shelves, and a refrigerator. When I tried opening the refrigerator, there were seven cans of coffee, two or three eggs, one pack of milk, and two bottles of water.
He opened a bottle of water and walked back to the room. There was no chair in the room, so he leaned against the bed, on the white bedsheet.
There was a blue blanket neatly covering the corner.
‘He sleeps here every day.’
That organ that defied him to calm down felt like it had blood flowing through it again. Jaeyoung looked away.
The bookshelf only had big programming books; there were no regular novels at all. On the top of the hanging rack, there were hangers for shirts and jackets, while the bottom had trousers, six shirts, and two pairs of pants. They all looked familiar; there wasn’t a piece he hadn’t seen before. He secretly thought that the other party must have clothing criteria because it looked like they were arranged in order.
There are two tables in the room. One table only has a lamp, probably for reading. The other larger table is a work desk with a large desktop computer and a dual monitor, UHD, forty inches, which seems to be connected to a clear CPU case. Just by looking at it, you can tell it’s highend. In addition to this, there is also an expensive mechanical keyboard, gaming mouse, and speakers.
“It might cost around three million won [2[.”
The computer on the table looks more expensive than all the other items in the house combined, judging from the difference between the hanging rack and the computer... Jaeyoung thought that it suited Sangwoo well and couldn’t help but smile silently.
“Jaeyoung-hyung.”
When he heard that sound, he jumped up as if he was startled and ran to the bathroom.
“Oh, why? What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well somewhere?”
“I’m a bit sober.”
Sangwoo spoke calmly, feeling that it was strange and not good to reach this point, so he probably wouldn’t say that he didn’t like it. Jaeyoung’s heart was in turmoil, and while he was waiting, he heard a loud noise coming from behind the door.
“I’m trying to make it better... I’ve been trying... I’ve studied a lot, really...
but I’m not confident.”
“...”
“Please go back.”
“Ha?”
Jaeyoung was speechless. If he felt uneasy about having a relationship with a man, he understood. Moreover, he knew that Chu Sangwoo’s personality was many times more severe than that, but until just now, the other party had still clung to him intimately and seemed happy. After hearing this, he was simply shocked, after thinking about what to say and deleting it several times. Jaeyoung finally opened his mouth.
“Did I force my way in? Were you not okay with this?”
He could sense the coldness in his voice. After a moment of hesitation, the other side finally replied.
“I know you, Sunbae will be angry, but still...”
“I’m not angry, I just don’t understand at all.”
“I couldn’t do what was in the video, just that.”
It was a polite way of saying that his expectations had turned into mere scraps of paper for Sangwoo, while Jaeyoung’s breathing became heavier and his heart was on the verge of exploding from happiness, now overwhelmed by anger.
“Does this mean we won’t meet again? Not even for games or anything?”
“I guess I’ve gone crazy myself, please help me by leaving.”
“Are you crazy or something?”
He exploded with anger, his voice cracking. Even though Sangwoo acted nice, there were times when he deliberately stirred up trouble, and this time it turned out to be the worst.
“Why are you so thoughtless?”
“I asked you to go back, how can I not ask for that?”
“Come out, stop hiding, you animal! If you’re going to talk like that, say it to my face.”
The other side remained silent. Chu Sangwoo must have some problems. Just when things were going well, he found a way to make everything chaotic again, and this time it was the worst.
Jaeyoung cursed and slammed the door, feeling like a frustrated person who couldn’t have sex and felt disgusted with himself, but he had no intention of apologizing anymore. Even though he cursed before, his feelings didn’t improve at all. Sangwoo remained silent for a while. Then there was the sound of the door closing, bang.
“It’s easy for you, isn’t it? Just stay indifferent, that’s enough!”
“Stop talking nonsense. I can’t go on like this. Come out and speak so I can understand. If not, then I won’t go anywhere.”
“If we go out, what then? We’ll kiss...touch each other...like there’s no tomorrow. Without holding back. Isn’t that what you want?”
“If you can’t hold back, let it be. And don’t pretend to be cautious!”
“How can you say something so easy like that? Because I can’t do anything at all!”
“Why are you saying things I don’t understand like that!”
Jaeyoung screamed and banged his head against the back of the door before slumping down to sit on the floor. Sometimes, just thinking about what to do with this guy would be foolish. This stubborn person who only looks ahead on the path he knows. Never taking a step towards suspicious paths, always doing what he’s used to.
“You’ve been living like that your whole life, doing what you used to do, wearing the clothes you used to wear, eating the things you used to eat. It’s not deviating from your grand life plan even a bit.”
“I’ve been living a good life all this time. Until you hyung interfered.”
Now it’s the same as before. He didn’t do anything wrong, everything is his fault. Jaeyoung felt a throbbing headache. Just when he thought that the matter that intruded and disrupted both their lives was a real thing, he felt even more of a headache.
But it’s not a one-sided relationship. If Jaeyoung is destroying Sangwoo’s daily life. Sangwoo himself wouldn’t be any different. Jaeyoung cared for Sangwoo, devoted time and effort to playing games with him, and both sides were affected by each other. But that brat never realized that it was a matter between two people. In Sangwoo’s thoughts, there are only perpetrators and victims, and he gets heated because he wants to protect his daily life. Jaeyoung couldn’t tolerate that.
“Let’s talk first, you brat.”
“No.”
“Come out when I’m still talking nicely.”
“Just go away for now.”
“Don’t provoke me. If you don’t come out within ten seconds, I’ll do something you won’t know about.”
“You jerk. Just try...”
“I will try, what next? Do you think I can’t break this door?”
“Well, try it then. I’ll wait and see if you can make it to the police station without any doubts, big brother.”
Chu Sangwoo seemed like he was born to provoke Jaeyoung. Jaeyoung looked around the room with an annoyed face before speaking.
“The computer looks expensive.”
“Don’t look at the computer! Absolutely not!” Sangwoo replied in a mocking tone.
“Ten.”
“Oh...I already refused, didn’t I?”
“Eight, the wire is gone. You should have said something before I entered this room.”
“At that time, I wasn’t in a state to make decisions. I drank too much, and you hyung just kept serving me more...”
“Don’t listen, seven.”
“Hyung, you wouldn’t force anyone to have sex against their will.”
“Five... Get out. I’ll talk to the kid in your pants myself.”
“Now it’s calm.”
“Just three seconds remaining.”
“Oh, damn… damn it.”
Though he spoke like that, Sangwoo quickly opened the door before the time ran out. Jaeyoung evaded the preemptive attack and leaned against the wall, looking at Sangwoo who exhaled heavily with a flushed face. His shirt on top was neatly buttoned with three buttons, while the bottom had no buttons, making it slightly disheveled.
“I’m speaking from the bottom of my heart. I’m so stressed because of you, hyung. It might make me feel worse.”
‘What’s wrong with him?’
Jaeyoung blinked at the other side and remained silent for a moment. He was surprised by how straightforward Sangwoo was—how he suddenly came to find him at the restaurant and waited there, saying there were things to talk about after pushing him away coldly, including when he calmly said they should sleep together. Therefore, he thought this time they would really do it. Even though he was the type of person who would proceed firmly if he agreed, why did it turn out like this all of a sudden?
“Explain it properly, don’t forget that I’m a person. No, not an NPC.”
“...”
“It’s not something that can be easily spoken out like that?”
Sangwoo looked down at the floor with a sullen face, but when he heard those words, he raised his eyes to look.
“Easy... is that so?”
“And isn’t it true? You immediately cut off contact as if you were closing a website, thinking that human relationships are as easy as that.”
“Everything must be easy for you, hyung! You are so skillful and experienced... to the point of not feeling anything. I don’t even know what situation I’m in.”
“Then just say what you are worried about, because all I see is that you’re doing well and carefree.”
“I’ve been trying to speak since earlier. But in my mind, it’s all blank and confusing, and the feeling is strange...”
“So just forget about it. What’s the problem?”
“I told you not to send such provocative words!”
Sangwoo’s voice cracked. Jaeyoung slightly recoiled, while the other side’s posture seemed aggressive as if ready to strike. Both locked eyes for a while, and it seemed like Sangwoo was genuinely angry—his remaining eye gleaming sharply. If he were stabbed, it would hurt to watch.
After who knows how long, those pairs of black eyes turned watery, and Sangwoo’s face gradually twisted each time, making him flinch.
“Sangwoo?”
Jaeyoung shifted his legs automatically and stood up. When they were at eye level, he could clearly see the tears welling up in those eyes, the trembling muscles on the face, and the clenched lips. Jaeyoung reached out to touch the cheek of the person in front of him unintentionally, but of course, he was rejected.
“Sang... Are you crying?”
________________________________________.
[1] 1 pyeong = 3.3058 square meters.
[2] 3 million won, approximately 2250 USD.
Chapter 45: Magenta #4.
Sangwoo stared at Jaeyoung silently and then turned away. As he reached out to grab his arm, he was forcefully pushed back, causing the young man to stumble backward. Seeing that the other party was about to go back into the bathroom, Jaeyoung lunged forward and slid his arm through the door, preventing Sangwoo from closing it successfully. Not knowing what else to do, he escaped to a narrow corner and covered his face with his hand, pressing his forehead against the wall. It wasn’t just tears welling up, but tears streaming down his cheeks.
‘Ah... you cheat.’
Jaeyoung lost his fighting spirit for a moment, the sharp thorns that had protected his heart tightly now shattered, and the words he had kept hidden became weapons turned back against Sangwoo. In terms of human morality, does crying during a fight go too far?
Jaeyoung allowed Sangwoo to stay like that, overwhelmed with fear and pity. In the quiet and intimate space, only the sound of irregular breathing could be heard. It was unclear how much time had passed. The other party eventually turned on the water.
“Is it getting better?”
Fortunately, it was clear that Sangwoo’s aggression had subsided, he walked past Jaeyoung straight to the bed, tightly wrapping the blanket from his neck down to his feet. Then he sat huddled in a corner of the bed, like a trapped prey, showing only his eyes amidst the pile of blankets.
Jaeyoung discreetly clucked his tongue and reached out to pull a couple of tissues from the table, placing them at Sangwoo’s feet. Then he sat at the end of the bed as far away as possible from the other party and let time pass.
“Hyung, you don’t know anything.” Suddenly, Sangwoo spoke up.
“No matter how I try to help myself, I can’t solve any problems... It just keeps getting worse. And I’m lacking self-control.”
Jaeyoung made the decision to listen to Sangwoo instead of interrupting by saying, “I feel the same way.”
“All I think about is sex. My life is not going well lately. Hyung, you may think it’s easy, but for me...”
Sangwoo explained in detail how difficult things were and how damaged he was because of Jaeyoung. Even though the words about wanting to inject drugs to numb himself sounded a bit scary, Jaeyoung remained silent. Not a word inserted, but the more he listened, instead of understanding the other person’s situation, he became more agitated.
He didn’t know how to speak properly. Would the other party believe that it was normal, a human experience, a general feeling of distress that everyone encounters in life? Jaeyoung tried to carefully arrange his words in his mind. Sangwoo was someone who chose to listen to other people’s words, but at the same time, only listened superficially, so he had to be cautious in speaking.
“Sangwoo-ya... or are you still a virgin?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Then why did you act like an overacting character? Like a primary school kid experiencing his first erection.”
Failed. Jaeyoung didn’t spend enough time deliberating on his words.
Sangwoo sniffed and reached out from under the blanket to pick up a tissue. Then his hand emerged again near his throat and he ordered a tissue.
“I’ve been able to control my desires well all along. Even though emotions have come up, I’ve never felt this choked up before. It’s all because of that weird brother of mine.”
“Am I weird?”
“You look sexy... If I did everything I imagined when I looked at you seriously... I would definitely end up in jail for life.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. What’s wrong is just my worthless self. Why did you make me like this? Everything has fallen apart because of you alone.”
‘So are you going to blame me or tease me for it?’
Speaking like that after listening to Sangwoo’s explanation, Jaeyoung finally understood what Sangwoo was trying to convey so clearly. In summary, it was ‘sexual desire,’ which used to be apathetic towards others but now had a strong reaction towards him. It was an unexpected story that led to creating a movie plot, but it was a pity that it had been used as an unpopular term. What are those arthouse film directors doing, why haven’t they come to take Chu Sangwoo yet?
“Then try it on me once, let’s see how it goes.”
That was the struggle of a young man who couldn’t abandon the soul of a wild animal. This kid sat there, sniffling and crying right in front of him. No matter what, he should have touched him at least once, and committed a crime like this. He might turn into ten liters of trash, but Sangwoo shook his head wearily.
“How can I do that to you? Even if I have emotions. I myself hurt you... I can’t handle it anymore. Moreover... I’m not confident enough to insert my stuff into your organ for excretion. You must have had high expectations,
I’m sorry for disappointing you.”
Somehow, Sangwoo-ya is still the kind of person who puts himself at the center and only thinks of himself as a man without considering that I am also a man. And then Jaeyoung understood on his own that he was the one who was to be the one who gets to be penetrated 100%.
Jaeyoung exhaled heavily automatically.
Chu Sangwoo lacks social skills, lacks empathy for fellow human beings to the point where he cannot express it in words, as if the world consists only of himself. For the past fifteen years, he has never had deep relationships with people around him and has only associated with others out of necessity or convenience.
‘I’m tired. I’m exhausted.’
Jaeyoung was emotionally drained and felt too much just to try sleeping with the other party again. I don’t know how many times he had to spin his head like a roller coaster because of that doctor.
‘Damn it, I am clearly on the losing end.’
Jaeyoung raised his hands and closed his eyes, sitting there quietly.
“Okay, I understand what you’re trying to say. Let’s sleep now and talk tomorrow because right now neither of us can think straight. I have to wait for you to get sober first.”
“Why aren’t you responding?”
Jaeyoung turned back, thinking, ‘This damned kid is driving me crazy,’ before closing his mouth because at that moment Sangwoo had already fallen asleep against the wall.
‘I’ll kick this guy later.’
His serene sleeping face made his frustration surge. Jaeyoung clenched his fists but didn’t know where to put them, so he finally turned his face away.
He hunched forward and sank into thought. This is the time to gradually decide what to do next. If they’re going to color each other and end it like this, it’s better for him to withdraw from the game project now. Even though he had done a lot of slave-like work, once the prototype game was finished, the workload would increase even more.
“Damn... Why does it have to be so complicated?”
The simple principle is, if interested, proceed. If not interested, stop and things break down. A sharp triangle composed of work, desires, and relationships is tormenting him. Sometimes stopping from now on might be the smartest choice as Sangwoo said.
Jaeyoung took a deep breath and got up to wash his hands and face in the bathroom. Then when he came out, the computer, which boasted the biggest display in this area, came into view.
‘Don’t look at the computer! Absolutely not.’
It’s clear that the more he forbids, the more urgent it becomes for Sangwoo to make him leave the house. Jaeyoung approached the CPU case, which was clean and shiny, and pressed the power button. Although his body was wearing only a messy black shirt, the CPU lit up with lights, LEDs, and rainbows.
The high-spec computer booted up in the blink of an eye. Since it was a computer used by only one person, the owner didn’t set a password. The system immediately ran into the desktop with a black and white checkered background, resembling a large chessboard spread out on the screen, and there were only three icons.
This PC, trash can, and...
‘Huh?’
Jaeyoung thought he was being naive, so he leaned closer to the screen, but the folder was named ‘Jang Jaeyoung.’ Definitely not wrong.
What is that folder? He couldn’t guess at all. Is that folder collecting vulnerabilities or gathering documents for a lawsuit? Jaeyoung doubleclicked on the folder nervously.
‘What is this?’
The folder was filled with pictures of Jaeyoung. It recorded dozens of pictures and more than ten video clips. There were pictures from his high school days that he couldn’t remember when they were taken, up until the most recent picture he posted on social media, organized by date, month, year, location, and source.
‘“I never thought you would use my own pictures, damn psycho kid.”‘
Other folders were even bigger. Jaeyoung’s preferences, including belongings, style, athletes, and hobbies, were meticulously arranged in document files, judging from the update playlist on YouTube, which seemed to have been checked by the other party just this morning.
This situation was unbelievable, like a scene from a sitcom, but the warm feeling between the intense heat and warmth gradually spread from the bottom of his heart. He felt his flesh trembling and his heart beating fast, a smile forming at the corner of his mouth.
‘Chu Sangwoo, is this... Are you sure it’s just a general interest on your part?’
He closed the Jang Jaeyoung folder and continued exploring Sangwoo’s computer. Sangwoo had installed all the games recently released as a selfproclaimed game developer. Not only online games but also offline games were talked about, and as he was browsing here and there, his cursor subtly entered the download folder.
He vaguely remembered that when he was in the car, Sangwoo said he paid to purchase videos for study, and in the folder, there were indeed five video files that were just downloaded two days ago, as he honestly claimed.
When he saw the file names, Jaeyoung frowned.
Big objects, using devices, or using dildos... But why is there sex with relatives? Rape? BDSM? Bondage?
He double-clicked and played the videos in order.
The first video showed two men wearing gowns with their eyes closed, leaving the naked bodies exposed. The atmosphere looked like a research study, starting with dripping tears or arousing with a vibrator. And in the end, it concluded with bodies shivering.
The second video, when opened, started with that guy fucking a small, thin, helpless-looking man. If it ended there, it wouldn’t be too bad, but no, it played sadistically until the other party’s eyes rolled back and blood dripped out in the end.
The third video involved swinging, the fourth video involved assault, and the fifth video was too violent to describe.
The characters in the video, “although it looks like just acting”, all scream and cry with painful voices.
‘So its videos like these.’
It is clear that Sangwoo, who believes in the manual, thinks sex between men is horrifying after watching all five videos. Judging from his behavior, he probably chose to download the top five popular files, but it seems that the website he accessed for downloads only has hardcore videos.
Jaeyoung sat still for five minutes. Sangwoo looked at him eagerly, but he just pushed him away and said there was something to talk about. And then he said he needed to prepare himself. Then he said he couldn’t do it.
When he understood all those refusals, his thoughts became clear.
Each person has a speed that suits them. If you rush too fast, the boat may capsize. Now he knows what to do next. He’s not too late.
Jaeyoung deleted all the video files and got up from his seat. He walked to the bed and stopped in front of the sleeping Sangwoo, who seemed uncomfortable. So he untangled the tightly wrapped blanket around the other side and gently laid it on the bed. After arranging the blanket properly, he sat down and stared at the face in front of him.
In the waking moment, if he doesn’t roughen up, arguing shouldn’t be so calm while asleep like this.
“You crazy kid.”
There was no response.
“Today I saw everything you dug up. Very impressive.” Jaeyoung spoke indifferently.
“I have given up on the plans to give up or let you go. Just know that.” Despite being crazy, it’s strange that the other side still looks attractive.
“What we did today...”
Jaeyoung used the back of his hand to stroke Sangwoo’s cheek. Then he slid his thumb to the corner of the mouth.
“Next time I’ll continue, so remember this feeling well.”
Then Jaeyoung thought of leaving in a cool way, but he couldn’t resist. He had to press his lips against the other’s forehead, lingering in mourning, and before getting up, he whispered in Sangwoo’s ear. “Today, no matter what, you have to dream of me.” ________________________________________.