I used to be terrible at doing nothing on the weekends.
If I didn’t have plans, I’d be sure to make them. There were things I wanted to do, people I wanted to hang out with, and places I wanted to see and immerse myself in. I wanted to go shopping, to the movies, out to dinner, or find some reason just to get out of the house. I had this constant feeling that if I had a whole weekend with nothing going on, I was somehow wasting it.
And I really did enjoy doing those things. I liked having plans and having things to look forward to. I just didn’t realize how much they were taking out of me.
But I honestly didn’t realize how exhausting, overwhelming, and overstimulating it could be. When I was younger, I didn’t know I was neurodivergent. I didn’t know I was autistic or had ADHD, so I had no real understanding of why I could have a great time doing something and still feel completely drained afterward.
I thought everyone needed recovery time. I thought everyone spent part of their week trying to recover from everything they had done over the weekend. I didn’t realize that my brain and nervous system were processing all of that stimulation differently.
And ADHD played a part in it too. I could get really excited about plans, want to do all the things, and have a hard time turning down something that sounded fun in the moment. I could fill up an entire weekend without really thinking about what I would feel like afterward. The excitement was there, but so was the exhaustion.
Once I stopped going out all the time, I started to feel more comfortable just staying at home. Now, give me a weekend with nowhere to be, and I’m pretty happy and content with that.
I enjoy waking up without thinking I need to be somewhere or doing something. I like making my coffee, staying in my lounge wear, taking my time, and figuring out what I actually feel like doing instead of worrying about what I think I’m supposed to be doing.
I might spend half the day cooking something I’m in the mood for. I might watch a movie, get caught up in a show, read for a while, or just have some quiet time. It’s nice knowing I don’t have to rush through any of it because I have somewhere else to be.
It’s just my time.
And I think that’s one of the things I understand differently now that I know I’m autistic and have ADHD. Staying home isn’t me being antisocial or boring or missing out on life. It gives me a chance to regulate, decompress, and get back to feeling like myself after spending time in environments that can be loud, crowded, busy, unpredictable, or just a lot to take in.
Don’t get me wrong, I like going out every now and then, just not all the time. I still love hanging out with friends, going to dinner, shopping, traveling, and having plans I’m actually excited about. I’ve just become much more aware of what causes me unnecessary stress and how much better I feel when I give myself some room to recover.
I also know myself better now. I know that saying yes to everything because it sounds fun doesn’t necessarily mean I actually have the energy for it. I know that a busy weekend can turn into a very tired Monday. And I know that sometimes what I really want isn’t another plan. It’s my couch, my coffee, something good to eat, and nowhere I need to be.
I don’t think staying home means I’m missing out anymore. There are plenty of weekends when I genuinely want to go somewhere and do something, and I’ll enjoy myself when I do. But I don’t have to keep myself busy just because I have free time.
There’s something really nice about having a weekend where I can stay home, make something good to eat, watch a movie, read, drink my coffee, and not have to think about what comes next.
I used to think I was wasting my weekend if I didn’t have plans.
Now, I think a weekend where I don’t have anywhere to be can be one of the best ways I can spend it.
What does a restful weekend look like for you when you don’t have anywhere you need to be?
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water… is hardly a waste of time.” — John Lubbock
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