There is a satirical video going around that spoofs William and Kate's monthly roundups. And the reason it is so effective is because it is barely exaggeration.
Welcome to the February windup. This is what we did with the two million pounds of free money this month.
William took only twenty one days off. But it was a very short month.
Let that land. Twenty one days off in February. February has twenty eight days. That means William worked seven days. Maybe. If we are being generous.
He held a meeting about his private estate and put it down as public duty. His private estate. The Duchy of Cornwall that pours twenty three million pounds into his personal pockets every year. A meeting about his private income counted as public work.
William went to the airport. That counts as a day's work.
He went to a football match. Work.
Kate managed twenty two days off just this month. Twenty two days off in a twenty eight day month. Six days of work. Maybe. If we are being generous.
She had free tickets to the rugby. That went down as a work event. Free tickets. To a sporting event she wanted to attend anyway. Public duty.
They both had free tickets to the BAFTAs. William is president you know. He never watched the movies they sent him. But he showed up. That is work.
Then Kate smiled at all those children who waited to see her in the rain. Sadly not all of them smiled back.
Because they were cold. Because they were wet. Because they had been bussed in from school and left standing without shelter while Kate stayed dry under her umbrella.
Are you beginning to think it is all a scam?
Absolutely.
The satire works because it is true. The court circular is public. You can count the engagements. You can see how many days they actually work. You can watch the numbers and realise that two million pounds a month buys you a handful of appearances, some free tickets to events, and meetings about private estates logged as public duty.
The royals release these monthly roundups thinking they demonstrate productivity. What they actually demonstrate is how little is expected of them and how even that little is padded with freebies and private business.
Going to the airport is work. Attending sporting events you have free tickets to is work. Showing up at awards ceremonies where you are honorary president but have not engaged with the content is work. Smiling at wet children for twenty five minutes is work.
Meanwhile the taxpayer funds it. The sovereign grant rises. The duchy income flows. The properties are staffed and maintained. The helicopters are fuelled. The protection officers are paid.
For seven days of work in February. Maybe six.
The children who waited in the rain did not all smile back. Perhaps they are beginning to figure it out too.
The satire is not satire. It is documentary.