So a body language expert has finally said what anyone with eyes has been able to see for years. William and Kate looked tense at the BAFTAs.
Judi James told Hello magazine that while the Prince and Princess of Wales delivered their usual impeccable red carpet glamour, there were a handful of tells that might reflect the undeniable tensions of the past week. She noted that William's fingers were slightly curled so that his index finger touched his thumb, which she called a self soothe ritual. She said his lips were pulled inward and his brows pulled into a small frown, showing some anxiety.
And of course, the explanation offered is Andrew. The tension was about Andrew's arrest. Case closed. Nothing else to see here.
Except here is the thing. William always looks like that. He always has a face like thunder when he has to do events with his wife. He is constantly balling up his fists. He is constantly clasping his hands protectively in front of his crotch. This is not new. This is not Andrew related. This is every single public appearance they make together.
Let me tell you what body language experts have said about Harry and Meghan over the years. They have found tension when Harry and Meghan are walking along holding hands and smiling. They have found signs of trouble when Harry and Meghan are laughing together. They have found evidence of a struggling marriage when Harry and Meghan look at each other with obvious affection.
Meanwhile William and Kate's extreme physical awkwardness has been held up as the gold standard of body language for a couple. The minimal touching. The careful distance. The way Kate looks at William and he looks anywhere else. The way she reaches for him and he flinches. All of this has been framed as dignified restraint. As royal propriety. As the appropriate behaviour for a future king and queen.
But look at the photographs from the BAFTAs. In the lift, Kate is smiling and looking at William for the cameras because she knows the shot they want. William's upper body and head are tilted away from her. He is not returning her look. He is not returning her smile. She has positioned herself close to him and he is leaning away to create space and separation.
This is not tension from Andrew's arrest. This is how they always are. This is what their marriage looks like in public. She tries. He retreats. She reaches. He flinches. She smiles at him. He looks at the camera or at someone else.
The body language expert called his curled fingers a self soothe ritual. But anyone watching can see what it actually is. It is a way to avoid holding his wife's hand. When your fingers are curled into themselves, they cannot be clasped by someone else. When your hands are protectively covering your crotch, they are not available for the signature truncated touches and pats and strokes that couples supposedly give each other.
One commenter put it perfectly. That was not self soothing. That was trying to keep his wife from holding his hand.
And here is what strikes me. The press keeps pushing William and Kate as the greatest British love story of all time. They keep insisting this is a marriage of deep connection and partnership. They keep framing every awkward appearance as dignified, every flinch as restraint, every avoidance as propriety.
But the more they push that narrative, the worse appearances like this seem. Because we can see it. We can all see it. The tension is not from Andrew. The tension is from two people who do not want to be near each other but have to perform togetherness for the cameras.
Forty more years of this. That is what the British public is being asked to accept. Forty more years of curled fists and protective crotch clasping and leaning away in lifts and flinching at touches. Forty more years of body language experts finding excuses for what is plainly visible.
Harry and Meghan hold hands and smile and look at each other with genuine warmth and the experts find tension. William and Kate stand apart with faces like thunder and the experts call it dignified.
The double standard has always been obvious. But now, with Andrew providing a convenient excuse, it is even more blatant. Every bit of tension William shows can be blamed on his uncle. Every frown is about the scandal. Every curled fist is a self soothe ritual related to family stress.
Nothing to do with his marriage. Nothing to do with the woman standing next to him trying to catch his eye while he looks everywhere else.
A reporter asked William and Kate if the monarchy was in peril as they arrived. Kate gently urged her husband to look at the people. A lip reader decoded his response. Watch your step.
Watch your step. Said to his wife in public. At an event where they are supposed to be presenting a united front.
That is the marriage. That is the body language. That is the tension that has nothing to do with Andrew and everything to do with two people trapped in a performance neither of them can sustain for forty more years.
But sure. Blame Andrew. Blame the scandal. Blame everything except what is right in front of our eyes.