It's been a minute since I shared an update. Honestly I didn't realize that many months had passed. I'll be honest, it's been a roller coaster since my last check-in. 2023 has been ... a lot. We lost my mother-in-law not too long after my last update to complications from pancreatic cancer. The time frame between her diagnosis and death was way too quick. I'm beyond thankful for the life she lived and the beautiful memories we have our time together.
Around that same time I switched medications for my depression after starting to see a new psychiatrist. We moved to Desvenlafaxine Extended-Release Tablets. (Brand name Pristiq and Khedezla)
That change took some time to adjust to. I went from feeling all the emotions to nada. I couldn't cry, I couldn't get angry, I just seemed to be existing. Thankfully my psychiatrist, therapist and some good friends convinced me to give my body some time to adjust to it. It took a few months and I'm definitely in a much better place with it. The other plus is that it helps me sleep so I was able eliminate having to take melatonin with my nightly dose of Trazodone.
As we prepare for the end of the year, I'm giving myself grace to just relax and not feel pressed to do all the things. After hosting our housewarming in August and Thanksgiving in November, I am in people overload and very content with just being in my house without a lot of outside engagement. That's something else that I'm learning to be okay with. Not feeling as though I have to be around people. There's a difference between shutting myself in because of depression and being more comfortable with my immediate family and not a lot of outside noise. Again, I have a great inner circle that helps to pull me out if it seems like I'm shutting down and pushing away.
I sat and reflected recently and realized it's been four years since my hospitalization. I had to truly give myself credit for how far I've come and truly give thanks for not being successful with my attempt. There are so many beautiful experiences and connections I would have missed out on. Reminding myself of that helps me when depression does try to take over and tell me lies about not being needed, wanted or enough.
Thank you for your support of my updates and journey. It truly makes a difference.