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Little CERN used to be well adjusted, eager, and optimistic. There were days, long ago, when he would run gleefully through fields of daffodils, gently playing the lyre, and reciting beautiful poems. Getting him to smile was almost as easy as getting him to volunteer.

All he ever wanted was total, infallible control of reality. Was that really too much to ask? His first attempt at this was to corner the gold market, but that was foiled by being only four years old at the time and being sent to bed mere minutes before the market crashed. Next, he tried to seek the Papacy, and when those pedantic little fascists balked at the idea of him being the Pope, well, he just lost it.

The Cynical ER Nurse doesn't traipse through fields of daffodils anymore. No. Instead, he has become bitter, disaffected, and perpetually undercaffeinated. He is sarcastic, cynical, and rarely (if ever) gives you a straight answer. He is fond of writing character bios like this one, where he makes up stupid personas to throw people off track and hiding his real intentions- getting you to mind your own damn business, and getting him a cup a coffee.