You know when you swallow too big of a pill, like one of those horse pills the doctor prescribes after you are diagnosed with COVID 19 and strep throat?
It feels like a permanent marker lodged in my throat. It is hard to swallow. Everything scratches the roof of my mouth. The anxiety will not ease. It will not let up. It is like someone is playing the drums on my nervous system. That inevitable feeling that the time is coming.
Submission and surrender.
I thought this was my Isaac moment. I thought I was walking in what many theologians would call an Isaac anointing. I thought I would not actually have to sacrifice Isaac.
Can you imagine how Isaac must have felt as his father prepared the fire?
Isaac asked, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?” Abraham answered, “God will provide for himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.” Genesis 22:7–8 ESV
Abraham later named that place “The LORD Will Provide.” Genesis 22:14 ESV
I am sure it did not take Isaac long to figure it out as his own father prepared him for the offering and tied him up.
Can you imagine your own father, the person you trusted, being responsible for your bondage?
He was the sacrifice.
Can you imagine the relief Isaac must have felt when he was finally untied?
Now it feels like God has taken the ties off. The chains have fallen to the ground, yet I am still standing intertwined in rope because being untied is not the same as being free. It is not the same as running freely. It is not the same as experiencing peace on every side.
It started as a lump in my throat, but now it feels like a heart attack. Constant sweating. Heat rising. My chest pounding like a clock ticking away each second as the exchange draws near.
When what God has for you is not your preference, nevertheless, Jehovah, “not my will, but yours, be done.” Luke 22:42 ESV
Let Your will be done in me and through me.
Holy Spirit, fill me until I overflow. Show me Your plans for today. I know the plans I have made for myself, but God, what are we doing today? Help me walk in step with You.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 ESV
God will surely order your steps, but you have to ask.
Open my eyes, God. Remove the log from my own eye. Matthew 7:5 ESV
Help me
To GET TO STEPPIN