"I would ask why you have built this snare and compelled us to spend days inside it, but I am afraid even an officer of the Thalmor has not the patience to understand a Sload plot." said Eldaline.
"You are not tired yet, I see. This is inconvenient to my purpose." said the Sload.
"I regret that I am not permitted to be defeated at the hands of a magical mollusc." said Eldaline. "My Ambassador would kill me."
"The lives of your soldiers hold importance to you. Even the tadpole, who is still apparently non-sentient. Why? Have you implanted your knowledge and power into their flesh in the form of crystals to be absorbed, so that you might gain immortality? Or do you instead intend to give them as slaves to your Daedric lord, in exchange for the wisdom beyond the world?"
Skavild said, "Oh, great, give her ideas."
"Why are you holding me in place with your swords?" said Ondolemar.
"I was bored." said Aranwen. "And I'm waiting to kill the Sload."
"End this illusion, and face me in battle with the dignity that befits a fellow mage of noble stature." said Eldaline, to a giant slug with feet.
"You must be ignorant of the intricacy of the plan. Many centuries have gone into its design and many elements were present in its eventual execution. According to the specifications, you should not have been here. The famous and powerful elf mage Dhaunayne Aundae should have entered the illusion, as instructed by the enchanted gift she received, but instead a ship's crew appeared, some time ago. They tired quickly. And their existences did not outlast my studies upon them."
"Say that name again." Eldaline demanded.
"Dhaunayne Aundae?" said the Sload.
"Well, that was nothing like any of us guessed." said Eldaline. "Carry on, you wretched Thrassian globule. That elf is a vampire, now, anyway. Has been for centuries."
"Then appeared the less famous but still powerful Second Archivist Eldaline, and as I knew your soul was of interest to many Daedra lords, I incautiously allowed my plan to adopt an outside element. The effect of this was to turn my certain gain into a dreadful misadventure. In my greed to subdue and offer both of you as sacrifices upon the Pillar of Thras, I exhausted my power, as you observe. But, Eldaline, author of, amongst other works, 'Sload: Is It Edible?', can I not offer you, in exchange for your reasonable and measured behaviour, an informed answer to your question?"
"Oh, you'll give me the answer. Just not in the way you hoped." said Eldaline.
"You cannot eat me. I have centuries more of knowledge to acquire." the Sload cried.
A cloud of fiery shards sprang into the air. They all beheld confusing visions, that could not possibly be real. They doubted their own existence. They certainly doubted the existence of Sload. They argued with small seas, fell into tiny tributaries and were chased by miniature mountains. This was the remnants of the illusion spell and what was left of their enemy's power.
All present were actually stumbling blindly and bumping into one another in a most inappropriate manner.
"Where's that Sload?" shouted Eldaline. It was proper that she regained her senses before anybody else as she was the commander.
"Ahh, ahh, Auntie Eldaline. I hurt my nose." said Rufus.
Very hopefully, Aralina suggested: "The Sload has evaded us, Second Archivist!"
The Sload blomped up the stairs and into the doorway of the antechamber. There is no other suitable word to describe the movement of a Sload.
Rufus smiled proudly. "Good thing I don't need the toilet, though, Auntie Eldaline, isn't it?"
Ondolemar said, "Shall we give pursuit, Second Archivist Eldaline?"
"This is very important, so think carefully before answering. Does anybody still think they're a fish?"
"I don't think so, Second Archivist."
"You will not ensnare me, for I am the wizard Hl'trarl, master of snares!" said the Sload, finally squeezing free of the doorframe and blomping into the halls beyond.
"The human is right." said Aranwen. "The Sload are a stupid worst enemy. We should get a better one."
"Are you just saying that because he blew you up and you're embarrassed?" said Skavild.
And suddenly, the humming noise ceased.
"Well, what did I tell you?" Eldaline said. "We are exactly where I said. I wonder how long we have been running around in circles on this iceberg."
"It is lucky that nobody saw, Second Archivist." said Aralina.
"Look at those elves running around in circles on that iceberg!" shouted a passing pirate.
"Your mother is an iceberg." said Eldaline.
Ondolemar said, "What is that flapping sound?"
"Language!" said Skavild.
"Oh, it's that damned big chicken! Looks like it was real after all."
"Ahh." said Rufus, running away.
Eldaline again grew unreasonably excited and uncharacteristically sentimental at the approach of the magical and carnivorous bird.
"Beloved noble compatriot! How did you get here?"
"I blame the Sload." said Skavild.
"Oh, so you believe in Sload now?" said Aranwen.
"I didn't say that. I just say I blamed him."
"You are kind to let me pat you on the nose." Eldaline said. "Mind his tail, everybody. He's getting ready to take off."
Rufus came back. "I changed my mind, make it come back, I want to pet it."
"He did not fly here, he was brought."
After a short hover over the next bay to the east, the gryphon darted up into the clouds with a delighted shriek.
As the sky began to darken, there was no sign of the stolen gryphon, but the small party made its way down from the iceberg and to its last hovering point.
"Gods, there are more of those foul things. A whole camp full." she whispered. "And, look!"
"Talos worshipping bloody Sload, I'll kill them." hissed Ondolemar.
"I meant, the cage over there. I do not know why they brought a gryphon. But the ways of the Sload are mysterious and unusual."
"Oh."
"I will request a large elite force to capture one of these Sload, to discover their purpose here." said Eldaline. "I have always wanted to interrogate a Sload."
Aralina peered at the Sload in the bay. "And eat one, Second Archivist, if I have understood your book correctly. I would gladly help you consume the sticky essence of a Sload, if you require assistance."
"Thank you, Flopsy. But that will have to be for another time." said Eldaline. "Let's go to Dawnstar and see if they'll give us a drink."
To be concluded next time