It is the end of a very long adventure, in which Second Archivist Eldaline was rescued from Windhelm by her library assistant Skavild. They were last seen in a boat on the Sea of Ghosts.
On the 10th of Second Seed, Second Archivist Eldaline awoke in a sombre room, in a suspicious dress, surrounded by sinister decor.
"Skavild!" She said. "Am I dead?"
"Nope." Said Skavild.
"Am I a vampire?"
"Nope."
"Then, is my breakfast ready?" said Eldaline.
"Down in the great hall." said Skavild. "You need help?"
"We're at Valerica's, aren't we? List the damage."
"She says you've got four cracked ribs, some burns and you shouldn't lie on your left side for a while. And I'm afraid Valerica has put very heavy eyeliner on you. I think it's eyeliner, the dark stuff. She was trying to fix your black eye."
"Do I have a black eye?"
"I don't think the Stormcloaks like me very much, Skavild."
"I wasn't wild about you when I was a Stormcloak. You're an acquired taste, is all. But if you do decide to become Jarl of Windhelm, you might have to do it the 'Feared by Subjects' way."
"What is the other way?"
"'Loved by Subjects'." said Skavild.
"Yes, I knew that. I was only checking."
"Thank you for rescuing me from Windhelm, Skavild."
"You can thank me by coming back to Solitude and getting some rest, and no more schemes for a month at least."
"This lightly poached ectoplasm is delicious, Valerica." said Eldaline.
"The ghost was freshly exploded in the Soul Cairn this morning."
"Did I detect a hint of court wizard... No! Imprisoned soothsayer!"
"To the 12th Duke of Anticlere."
"I never regret my visits to Castle Volkihar." said Eldaline.
"Well, I do." said Skavild. "Why are you both so weird?"
"I'm so glad that Zuli has decided to come and live with you."
"Yes, Serana has become very fond of her. They're best friends, or in love, or something. I wasn't really listening." Said Valerica. "Although of course my daughter is very interesting, I think I am on the verge of discovering a species of long-extinct mushroom."
Skavild asked. "What are all these enthralled Dawnguard doing here?"
"They aren't enthralled, Skavild, they're just very happy." said Valerica.
Eldaline had just finished her fourth helping when a passing Altmer accosted her.
"Second Archivist and Field Commander Eldaline! You've come to rescue me! Again! Please, can I leave this terrible place!"
"Who in Oblivion are you and what is wrong with your ears?"
"It's Aralina, Madam, and you rescued me in Hammerfell! You used to call me 'Lop-Ears' and 'the Scout With The Fireballs'. Please, say we can go!"
"Valerica, you promised me you would stop snatching Northwatch guards."
"But she looked so juicy." said Valerica.
With only a little more ado, and stopping only to collect some more uniforms and reassign Eldaline's soldier, they finally disembarked in Solitude.
"I will try not to be too self-conscious about my black eye."
"Nobody's going to comment on your black eye, Eldaline." said Skavild.
"I suppose not." said Eldaline. "Not while we're travelling with a giant rabbit, anyway."
"Look, a Thalmor with a black eye!" yelled the priest of Mara.
"Your goddess is fat." Eldaline explained.
"I want to know two things before we get back, Eldaline." Said Skavild. "First, how did you know that you'd be able to withstand the Thu'um? Anyone else ever used it on you? While you were time-travelling, for example? Anyone famous? Anyone you were perhaps trying to assassinate?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Skavild." said Eldaline. "This way, Special Agent Hoppy. Is there really nothing you can do about your ears while you're assigned to me?"
"All right, second question. How did you win a wrestling match against an 8-foot tall Nord who weighs five times what you do?"
"Well, I just held her in place long enough to offer her money. That is what I always do."
Before she could even sit down, Eldaline could see that many things required her attention. Fortunately she still had a half-dressed blond secretary. "Ondolemar, my little apple-dumpling, my honey-nut treat. Why are all these people using my private bar, and who has built an extra two stories on my apartment while I've been gone?"
"Oh... what happened?"
"Do you mean, about the apartment, or my black eye, or just in general?"
"Oh gods! Never mind. Attention, archivists, secretaries, agents, guards, hangers-on and parasites. From today I shall be holding everybody in this room to a different standard. You have Skavild to thank for my safe return.
Accepting his aid did not mortify my pride badly enough as to kill me. This is an important discovery for all of elven-kind, which I have made and intend to put my name to. I shall write a five-volume treatise on the potential benefits of altruism, and anybody who attempts to plagiarise it will be killed. In future, any of you are permitted to offer similar help, within reason, should the need arise.
He was magnificent. He single-handed fought every guard in Windhelm, and swung through the great hall on a chandelier, slashing and grunting with dominant, visceral potency, and raw, barbaric prowess."
"Actually, Eldaline, you were unconscious, so you didn't see it, but I used an Ancient Falmer spell and stopped time." said Skavild.
"He is very funny, Second Archivist Eldaline. Are you going to display him at the Ambassador's next soirée?"
Skavild tried his best to remember that it would be much worse if they did believe him and that they were elves and foreign and didn't know any better, and to forget that he was carrying a two-handed sword the size of a small horse.
"And Skavild must remember at all times that this is not some provincial mages' college. You are among the finest minds and most brilliant historians and administrators of our time, and must behave accordingly. Now, what news from the rest of Tamriel?"
"They say syndicates of wizards have led a boycott of Imperial goods in the lands of the Altmer."
"That newspaper is two-hundred years old. That was us. We did that. You, Agent Mopsy! When you see Ondolemar doing that, please help him! It is no good both of you standing there and looking confused. What news from the rest of Tamriel?"
"A unique and mysterious artefact called the Book of Fate has been put on display in Calixto's House of Curiosities in Windhelm, and the Jarl says it is a hoax."
"He is probably right." said Eldaline. "Anything else?"
"Jarl Korir of Winterhold has been injured after making romantic advances to a draugr."
"I'd like to say I'm surprised." said Eldaline. "But I'm not. Keep reading."
On this day in history: First Era, 669, Dwemer disappeared. Fourth Era, 173, the Imperial City fell to Aldmeri forces. Notable birthdays: Bendu Olu, ancient King of Colovia - Trof G'gnafga, Sload Lich, Kingdom of Thras. Eldaline Alkinour, Thalmor military commander, librarian and historian... Oh, Second Archivist Eldaline, is it your birthday? Happy Birthday."
"Thank you."
"Happy Birthday." Even Drods'Ath, Eldaline's Dremora, understood about birthdays, despite not having one.
"All right, everybody get on with whatever it is you do."
"Welcome back, Second Archivist Eldaline! We hurried to Solitude as soon as we heard you had gone missing." said Archivist Halthir, appearing long after everybody else for some reason.
"I am sure you did, and had no thoughts of taking charge of my office. Report to the library immediately with that other one with the silly hair."
"Why didn't you two clowns tell me his name wasn't Wilfred?"
"Oh, Second Archivist Eldaline, Archivist Halthir said that I had to..." began the even more junior archivist.
"I was standing in the middle of the Palace of the Kings, uttering defiant curses upon my enemy in what I thought were my last moments, calling the leader of the rebellion the wrong name. I was utterly mortified. I cannot imagine what he must have thought of us. So, thank you for that. Start again."
"Really, Second Archivist Eldaline, Archivist Linvel is making the entire thing sound more complicated than it really is."
Eldaline stood up, scattering junior archivists and their wits. "Enough! Skavild will always offer a correction if a mistake is made!"
"Your cowardice and negligence has caused inaccuracies to enter the Archives of Alinor, the most complete and perfect collection of texts upon Nirn!"
"And, after the week I have had, to watch you both simpering accusations at one another disgusts me!"
"Report to my Dremora immediately and ask to be sent on a fortnight's research holiday in Apocrypha! Come back when you've found a book that instructs you how not to be grovelling sycophants!"
"Do not be afraid, Archivist Linvel. I am sure Apocrypha is very nice, and I shall look after you."
"Makes you sick, doesn't it, Skavild?" said Eldalince.
"Heh heh." said Skavild.
But to conclude, Eldaline fell into gloomy self-reflection for a moment. She was a very important Altmer with four cracked ribs, a black eye, a secret Nord grandfather, and the best Library Assistant in the modern history of Tamriel. Everything might have been much worse.
THE END