MELINA
My mom comes out of her room wearing some lingerie and I walk around her and peek in the room to see me sleeping on the bottom bunk. I turn around and my mom opens the door to a random man and kisses him. Although my brothers claimed ignorance about my parents’ separation, I suspected that their strained relationship with our mother played a role. Now that they are grown-ups, they hardly speak to her, unless it’s necessary. However, they have a better relationship with my dad.
My mom wraps her legs around the man’s middle, and he carries her to the bedroom. I hear my mom giggling and moaning and I see little me walking out of my room and my heartbeat faster. “Turn around and go back to sleep” has no effect on me.
I feel Joey’s presence behind me. “You have suppressed this memory for years, but it’s time to face it.”
Little me opens the bedroom door and I stand there shocked as my mom is on top of the mystery man riding him. Tears form in my eyes as I watch the scene unfold.
My mom turns to me and shrieks and grabs her robe and runs to me. “Lina, let me take you back to bed,” she grabs my arm and instead of taking me back to my room, she takes me to the living room. She crouches down until she’s eye level. “Honey, mommy is going to ask you to not tell anyone what you saw. Mommy and daddy are going to get back together. I don’t want daddy knowing about my special friend, okay?” I nod my head and my mom stands and grabs a cookie from the cookie jar and hands it to me. “For being a good girl, you can have an extra cookie tonight. We’ll have a special day this weekend, just you and me, okay?” I smiled, and I finished the cookie, and she tucked me back into bed before closing the door.
Turning to Joey “I want to leave now please” I don’t care that tears are falling from my face. I now remember why I blocked this memory out of my mind because I felt guilty hiding this secret from my dad. My father reconciled with my mom, unaware that she was still being unfaithful. I knew my father’s love for my mother was genuine, but I couldn’t ignore the nagging suspicion that she was cheating on him. I regret not telling him about the man in her room. Maybe then he would have found someone who would love him with all her heart. With a snap of his fingers, Joey whisks us away to an office library.
He settles onto one couch, and I take a seat across from him, sinking into the soft cushions. “That memory has warped what you saw was acceptable in a relationship.”
Taking a few napkins, I wipe away the tears and try to steady my breathing. “My mother and I are complete opposites. I have never cheated in a relationship. In fact, I have given my all in my relationships.”
Joey uncrosses his legs and leans forward. “I didn’t say you cheated in your relationships, but you certainly have trust issues and abandonment issues.” I tried my best to hold back tears as he continued to speak.
“You have been in relationships with boys longer than you should’ve. Even after catching them cheating, you still gave them the opportunity to apologize and vow not to repeat it. Attempting to ignore the situation failed, and upon discovering their infidelity, you had no choice but to confront reality and end the relationship. And soon after, you’re diving into a new relationship.”
He hands me more napkins and the tears stream down my face because I always thought I would never end up like my parents. I always believed I was stronger than my father because I left when my boyfriends if they cheated on me more than once. Unlike my mother, I was honest and respectful to my partners and never cheated on them. Maybe my relentless attempt to distance myself from them made me blind to my own deeper issues.
I feel arms around my shoulders, and Joey brings me in for a hug. “The process will be difficult, but necessary to move forward.”
I continue to cry and then compose myself. “Why do I need this? Why can’t I just go to heaven and be done with this?”
Joey’s hands rubbed my shoulders in a comforting rhythm as he spoke. “It may seem tough now, but once you reach heaven, you’ll be unburdened by any regrets or ties.” Once I’m all cried out, Joey continues to hold me, and I take comfort in his embrace.
I look up at him. “How did you do this by yourself?” I move a little to turn to him and I can see some pain in his eyes.
“It was hard. I didn’t have any guide. When I tried to enter heaven, an angel sat me down and explained what I needed to do. When the angel explained that to me, I was angry because I just wanted to leave my life behind me.”
As he pauses, I reach out and take hold of his hand. “Starting the journey alone was tough, but completing it brought a sense of relief that lifted a weight from my shoulders. Later, I spoke with God and the angels, and we established a guidance program for the departed.” He stands and I follow his lead. “I think we should call it a day. This house has some bedrooms we can stay in.” Following his lead, he leads me to a bedroom with some clothes that look like they will fit me. I’m not surprised he probably had this planned when I died. The thought of not waking up at home and not seeing my loved ones frightened me. As I shut off the light, I hear my tears hitting the pillow, and I long for this to be a nightmare.