Becoming more self-aware of self-sabotaging behaviors is an important step in personal growth and well-being.
Here are some tips to help you in this journey:
Reflect on Past Behaviors: Regularly reflect on your past actions and outcomes. Identify patterns where your choices may have negatively impacted your goals or relationships. This can help you recognize self-sabotaging behaviors.
While I don't agree with living in the past, sometimes we need to revisit a previous situation through the lens of today. This will help you see patterns of behavior within yourself. Try not to focus on an ex friend or partner in this scenario, rather look back to see if you can find patterns within yourself that still need some work. This could be noticing that, while you no longer yell and scream, maybe you do more subtle things to push people away in the present day. Since you no longer yell & scream, maybe you weren't as aware that you're technically self-sabotaging. As this subtle behavior isn't as "in your face" as a yelling match would be.
Understand Your Triggers: Pay attention to the situations, emotions, or thoughts that precede self-sabotaging behaviors. Understanding these triggers can help you anticipate and manage them more effectively.
The next step in this process is to pay close attention to how you're feeling internally when a situation occurs. This is called "understanding your triggers" because you may feel compelled to defend yourself or yell or respond in some highly emotional way to someone or some situation. When you start to understand the various words, people, or scenarios that "trigger" this type of defensive or emotional response, you can start to manage how you respond or not during these particular scenarios or around this person.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Self-sabotage often stems from negative self-talk. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are truly accurate or if they're based on fear and insecurity. Replace them with more positive and realistic thoughts.
One of the biggest reasons, at least for me, for self-sabotaging behaviors is thinking that you're not good enough, that you're not valuable, or that you're not worthy of whatever situation you're in. Maybe you're in a healthy relationship, but you're uncomfortable because you've always found chaos to be the "normal temperature" for you. There are far too many variables as to why you may have this negative self-talk, the key is to understand that you're not alone with this type of self-talk. Try to pause when negative thoughts come and learn to ask if they're logical or not. How to determine if they're logical or not, is to reflect about what these thoughts are saying and if you have any real-life examples of data or experiences to back them up. Chance are, that the negative self-talk is not relevant, and only making your life harder for no good reason.
Set Realistic Goals: Sometimes, self-sabotage occurs when goals are unrealistic or too vague. Set achievable, clear, and specific goals. Breaking them into smaller steps can make them more manageable and less overwhelming.
Take a moment to evaluate your goals in life and business. The situation that is causing you to wreak havoc, may just be too large of a step for you. While this part is difficult to swallow your pride and admit that you've reached too high for a first step, it's a necessary evil to avoid self-sabotaging behavior. Realistic goals sometimes start smaller than other people and that's OK. You need to do some inner work to find out what your first step looks like, without comparison to someone else's first step or current situation. We all start somewhere.
Seek Feedback: Sometimes, it's hard to see our own self-sabotaging behaviors. Ask for feedback from trusted friends, family, or colleagues. They can offer a different perspective on your actions and their impact.
Another way to work on growth is to ask beloved friends and partners for some feedback. Please use this as an educational resource rather than a reason to start defending yourself. To seek feedback, you truly have to work through some things to be confident and trusting enough to know that these beloved people have your best interest at heart. Make sure you seek feedback from trusted sources only.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and actions in the moment. This awareness can enable you to make more deliberate choices rather than falling into automatic self-sabotaging behaviors.
I am all about mindfulness. This is why I will remove social media apps from my smartphone if I feel I've been too involved in them. Learning to be more mindful and living in the present will take time, but it helps you to reduce self-sabotaging behaviors. Use this Switch Off Download & Print Journal to practice mindfulness.
Celebrate Progress: Recognize and celebrate the progress you make, no matter how small. This positive reinforcement can motivate you to continue working on reducing self-sabotaging behaviors.
I am a huge advocate for celebrating your WINS! I tell you, every time I find myself handling a situation better than I would have in the past? I jump for joy and give myself a pat on the back! You must do this. It's so encouraging to be aware of how much you've grown and continue to grow.
Develop Healthy Coping Strategies: Find healthy ways to cope with stress, anxiety, and other emotions that might lead to self-sabotage. This could include exercise, hobbies, or relaxation techniques.
As you continue to work and grow on pausing to reflect so that you can change your self-sabotaging behaviors to a healthier option, you'll find new coping strategies. Sometimes a digital detox, a walk in nature, or having a therapist can help you find and develop healthy coping strategies for situations that are just hard. We are all imperfect human beings, and no matter how much work we do, sometimes we fall off track. Healthy coping strategies increase your abilty to have more growth for a better YOU.
Be Patient and Kind to Yourself: Change takes time, and it's normal to slip up. Be patient with yourself and recognize that self-awareness and changing behaviors is a journey, not a one-time event.
Above all else, I must remind you to be patient and kind to yourself. This process will be a forever work in progress for you. While you may work through some triggers, other situations will arise to show you another spot to work on. I firmly believe that human beings will forever be a work in progress, learn to fall in love with the journey, and appreciate your unique pace of growth.
Sending you love and light on this journey.
xoxo,
Brandy Ellen