Every so often I am reminded that parents are different. For example, my parents were divorced finally at some point in my preteen years. You see, most of life before age 12 is blurry so I can’t recall when they finally got divorced. I remember the fighting, the yelling, the ice skating party that made Mom upset, and my Dad teaching me to read while getting frustrated at me for not pronouncing the same word twice.
I would get stuck on this part of the seven dwarfs in the book saying “hi ho, hi ho” and he would get so frustrated that I would pronounce the “hi ho” then get stuck on the next “hi ho” … I can see how that would be frustrating for a parent with low patience levels. 😂
Each of these tiny memories is what propelled me forward to be the person I wanted to be as a mom. I, of course, had my own issues and moments with a lack of patience. Little did I know that every parent has intentions to be awesome, but then you get tired, you get stressed, you get anxious, and life throws a few curve balls.
It happens to the best of us, but perhaps I think it would have happened less if I had some Faith in a higher power from a younger age. I am new to that, but this post isn’t about having Faith, it’s about reminding each of us how different we are as parents, and that “different is okay”.
Fast forward to recent times with my youngest of three kids. His driver’s ed teacher is pretty cool. He pretty much eat, breathes, and sleeps these driver’s ed courses and looks like he may have some extra qualified help added to his team, but the point is – he does a lot for these kids and parents.
Today, as I was saying it’s too early to be a good morning yet, he said he could keep my son until class. I was confused, class is at 9am, his driving time would be over at 7am. That’s a two hour difference, and the teacher just nodded like yeah no big deal.
But to me? That was a big deal! Why would you want to keep an extra kid for 2 hours in between class. And do parents actually say yes to that?
I got home and my husband reminded me that a lot of parents probably are fine with that. He reminded me that we are weird in that we actually enjoy our job as parents and see it is a true job and not something where we are to pawn our kids off onto someone else for some silly reason.
The silly reason here would be that I was simply tired, and up earlier than Id’ like to be. Ahem, that’s my job! If my kid needs a ride to get to a place where he is supposed to be, and he doesn’t have his own form of transportation? Then it is our job to make it happen. And I am grateful for those opportunities to be a Mom.
You see, my oldest is almost 22, and it’s rare I get a chance to help her. It’s rare I get to spend time with her. I can see firsthand how quickly the time goes in this Mama gig, and I want to cherish each moment I get while doing my job to foster some independence of course. That independence isn’t going to come from pawning my kid off to another human.
I am merely using the word “pawn” because I can’t think of another term, it is seriously not meant to be negative. If you know me, I am often curious about human beings. I am more curious why other parents would say YES to that statement of a random human keeping their kid for two extra hours. It just confuses me. Not in a good or bad way; but rather a curious confusion.
Can’t Wait for School to be Back
Another topic that always confuses me, similar to the above chat, is those parents who cannot wait for their kids to go back to school. They are legit celebrating the return of their kids to a bunch of strangers in this school system, which I’ve seen firsthand has changed from what it was during my firstborn and my season in going to a traditional school.
You see, I watched the downward spiral of the schools, I watched the schools get swallowed up and take in these precious kids to start telling them what to think and how to think; rather than encourage them to learn skills necessary to be an independent adult.
Skills like debate, communication, historical studies without a huge bias ( I’ve learned almost everything has some bias), and other information that is just meant to teach kids about their country USA (that they reside in), the past experiences our country has had, and so forth. Instead, they’re being taught to dislike their parents, to dislike their country, and that creativity is not something worth encouraging.
Yes, that has been my experience in the times my kids were in the school system that I actually graduated from (and loved back in the day). Each of my kids attended various grades before coming home to homeschool (all graduated now) … and I watched the system try to take down these kids’ mental health; it was horrible and I could see that no amount of me fighting this would make much of a change in the entirety of this system. It wasn’t at the teacher level, they had some pretty amazing teachers, it’s the policies that are screwy from upper levels that ‘we the people’ can’t seem to touch.
So anyway, I continue to watch parents get excited to return their kids to a system that I watched destroy my kids’ spirits (or start to destroy) and I think how different we are. I enjoy having my kids around. I enjoyed having my kids’ friends around. I just think that kids need those spaces where they can question things, be creative, and test their minds to learn who they are and what they’re made to be in this world.
They don’t need a peer or parental unit either for that matter, telling them who they are, what they will be, and how to do things. I believe parents are supposed to be a guiding light of encouragement and guidance. Parents are imperfect and should be open and honest about that to their kids, at age-appropriate levels of course.
A Parent is a Job Title
At the end of the day, I believe your job as a Mom or Dad is a job title. Society seems to want the family unit to be separated, believe me, I fell into that trap. I thought that I couldn’t fathom being with the father of my sons, yet the reason I wasn’t with him was a semi-selfish reason. It was a need that wasn’t being met for me, but it was met at some point, so if we had known how to better communicate with each other; we probably could have mended that bridge instead of divorce. He wanted to, but I did not want to try, so he just gave up back then. He didn’t want to fight.
Fast forward, we’re together again and I see this whole new view in my 40s of how having two parents in the home, albeit not always amazing, can make the world of a difference in kids. Now, my firstborn has a different dad and we did indeed break up (never married) for the right reasons; that was an abusive/unhealthy relationship.
As I continue to learn and grow and realize just how beneficial it is for the kids and me as a mom to have both parental units in the home, I have become more of an advocate for talking it out, learning proper communication, and pausing to ask more questions. These are all good skills to have, and I am grateful that my sons will see more of this as we all continue to navigate this new society and world.
Maybe that’s just it, as parents we are meant to adapt as the situation requires it and to continue to show love, and boundaries, and encourage kids to test limits safely. If they mess up, then it is on us to set a consequence if a natural one didn’t occur.
I can’t tell you how to parent, and what’s right for your family, but I do know something I’m very confident about; it’s YOUR JOB to parent YOUR KIDS, and not another soul (including me) should tell you that you’re doing it “wrong”. If you ask for advice, I will lend it, but I always maintain that space that I am a guide for someone who asked for the advice, I am not giving information that is the ultimate truth for all families or parental types.
If you have some tips and ideas on the topic or want to share your experiences, please contact me with your story and I can have it featured here, or leave a comment to keep the discussion going. We are all different for a reason, but we can be kind to one another in support of understanding each other and love each other – we’re all connected.