I am not well

Mar 02, 2022

Photo by Saad Chaudhry in Unsplash

{ID: A dandelion with half its fruits missing is on the left of the photo. The wind has blown the fruits away and they fly gently, suspended in the air and taking up most of the image. The background is dark green and blurred.}

I am not well.

These last two years have been mentally and emotionally very tough.

It is true that the pandemic has brought me good things. Really good things.

I’ve moved all my work online and this has given me back my home, which is now just for me and my closest ones, and time, which I no longer need to prepare the classroom or tidy up the consulting room. I met other astrologers, from whom I have learned so much and with whom I have created bonds that go beyond astrology and overflow into friendship and mutual support.

It was also during the pandemic that I recognized myself as autistic. It was a relief to understand my life from a neurodivergent perspective. I also found an amazing community that welcomed me with open arms and taught me so much about myself.

But it has been intense. And the collective anguish and doubt do not pass me by and also have personal outlines. It's already been two years of uncertainty, challenges, searching for solutions, new questions, continuous and intense processes.

On the one hand, I am under construction and need to remake myself professionally. On the other hand, I am in deconstruction because I no longer fit the role I designed for myself. My truth is now wider and I need to occupy new spaces that until recently I didn't know were mine or even knew about.

I am not well. I am tired and managing too many emotions, internal processes and external realities that overwhelm me.

In the last few days we have seen the beginning of a war that can radically change the outlines of Europe and tip the balance of power in the world.

And I have to write about the New Moon. Only I can't. My head is a knot and anxiety is running high. The focus is not where I want it to be and the emotions that are present are enormous and demand all my available attention.

With too much water in my chart, I can't bypass what I feel, on the contrary. My sensitivity is my reality. For better and for worse. I have talked a lot about self-care and acceptance in recent years, and now I need to honor my own words and respect where I am. Accept that I feel tired and confused and stop doing what doesn't make sense to me, but that I think I need to do because that's what others are doing. Surrender myself.

So, I can't guarantee that next month I will write about the New Moon again. But I can promise you that whenever I write about whatever it is, I will do so from an even deeper and ever truer place.

(Sometimes it seems that my life boils down to this: by not knowing who I am, in trying to be who I am not, I am discovering who I am by exclusion of parts).


If you want to know about the New Moon in Pisces, I recommend:

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