I have an insanely busy schedule this week. While I'm actively working my day job at Juilliard, I'm also in Maryland at Playweek MD, a week long chamber music workshop for adult amateur musicians. Our teaching and rehearsing schedule here is heavy - and we have our faculty concert this evening.
I have to admit, that I haven't had a chance to practice, and I'm playing 3 works on tonight's concert: the York Bowen Viola quartet, a movement from Kenji Bunch's String Circles for viola quintet, and 2 movements from Dvorak string quartet #12, Op. 105.
The Bowen is HARD. The first viola part could have been written for violin, as more than half of the part is in the upper ranges of the instrument. The challenges I'm facing include a mild overuse injury to my right thumb, after performing a movie score with the NJSO 2 weeks ago as well as trying to read the score on my Ipad with an uncomfortably small print that is reinforcing my need for a new Rx for music reading glasses.
This is called cramming. I'm cramming it all in, all the time. Never with enough time to deeply reflect on what it is that I'm performing, the fingerings I want to use, the bowings, let alone the musical intention. I'm not really connecting to what I'm performing today - I'm getting through it and crossing it off the list.
Is this what I want? No.
But here's what I'm up against: years of never being able to say 'no' - to work opportunities, to performance opportunities, to the needs of others in order to keep a pay check coming in, a professional relationship developing, an opportunity to 'do what I do.'
Today will be fine, the performance will go well, and I'll be crossing it off the list, but I'll also be glad when the week is over so that I have some breathing room to start being more intentional with my time, effort, and in what I say 'yes' to.
This will include working on my solo viola performance repertoire for my album. I have a lot of time ahead where I've 'x'ed' out my calendar to dedicate time to practicing, both physically and mentally. There's always an element of discomfort when I do this as I'm intentionally giving myself my own time however, this is exactly one of the lessons I'm trying to learn from embarking on this project. Let's see how it goes.