the length of march felt significant because it brought a gradual tangible change. winter finally gave way to spring, the season of beginnings, warmer weathers. i look forward always to this period because my singaporean body is most comfortable to the sunny rainy wet climate instead of dry and cold. perhaps having now lived a few years on an island with seasonal changes, i can better appreciate the passing of time felt in my body and on my skin. i also look forward to this period because i particularly enjoy beginnings.
march offered beginnings big and small. for one, yipeng and i finally launched the name and logo of our artist-in-residence project on instagram: YAHAHA International Residency for the Arts in Taiwan. this launch comes after about a year of casual and serious preparation: thinking ideas, talking through ideas, noting down ideas. and although there is still so much work left to do before we physically open such as renovations, making a website, setting up our company, we start quite promisingly.
a smaller beginning was the attendance in my first ever official pokemon competition. factually, half-attendance, because i signed up but wasnt selected to compete. then, i also found out in person that the videogame category i signed up for was a side-event, the main event was the trading card game. i started trying my hand at competitive pokemon late last year. i unexpectedly had to confront my own pride. you see, the older we get, technically the more experienced we are, and the older we get, the less we open ourselves to new things, the less we want to try something completely new. perhaps because we are taught it is embarrassing to fail or lose, or because our body and mind is more mature and it takes more effort to maintain flexibility, or maybe we just want to be in a comfortable place. and of course, it is ridiculous to expect myself to be an expert at anything i /just/ decided to do. masters exist because they spent years of training alongside their talent (if at all). me? i enjoy beginnings, the excitement of it, the hope that i could be good at another thing. what happens then when i enjoy beginnings, but also enjoy being a master, being number one?
the most honest response, and my way in the years adding up to my current life, is to leave and start again. i start and start again, in different disciplines, in different communities, in different places. and perhaps it isnt even accurate to say i enjoy being a master or being number one, i think what i mean to say is i enjoy feeling /special/. most of us do, too. and it is always easier to /feel/ (notice the emphasis) special when we are new to, when we are new at. perhaps that is the real reason i enjoy beginnings.
now that i am no longer new to taiwan, i grapple again. now that i am no longer special (a feeling!) here, what do i do? what is the next new thing? having uprooted myself and starting restarting in so many different residences the past few years, i find a desire to nest. i now desire routine, a room to decorate, a place to tend to, a depth of interaction. how do i term it? a more considered beginning? i hope to find a balance between these desires of beginning and nesting. this residency project with yipeng seems an optimistic cast into the world.
last week i met up with jee, their first entry into taiwan. it was nice to catch up on where we each were at, and to look back at how we began, now four years ago. we talked about how we were each coming to big decisions to shift the direction of our lives. this seems to be how it is with life nearing thirty years of age, us individually doing our specific work in our corners of the world, then meeting occasionally to remind each other of our roots, our beginnings. i am glad to still have these people around me who began with me years ago. i will learn to be more faithful to these beginnings, to learn to continue them.
playlist about winter going into spring:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Z8nRGYLkIH4THetMcagoc?si=-kH47pxERe-e8dKllNIMew&pi=a-3Oja7eoDS3aT
some highlights from the daily writing:
3/1 we fixed the logo today.
3/4 more design work. sent stickers for print.
3/6 more talk about budget and design for renovations. its cold again. awaiting spring.
3/9 first time at the pokemon regional league in taiwan, this time in kaohsiung. turns out vgc (video game competition) is a small community and the tcg (trading card game) is the main event. we learnt how to play the card game there. allergies made me lethargic and cranky.
3/10 design and budget constraints. having to make practical decisions amidst the idealistic desires.
3/11 not sure why, the beginning of a week of slow and nothing days.
3/14 last last gallery sitting day. in the gaming world, we lost so much.
3/15 in serious discussion about the programming of our future residency project. yipeng is going up to taipei to talk about renovations with his parents. worried and hoping it all works out.
3/17 final week countdown to the reveal of our residency project name and logo! so much progress in these few days.
3/18 a significant weather change this week. spring is coming. i like beginnings.
3/20 small collage work with yipeng. recognising that we have collaborated on 5 exhibitions together already.
3/22 meeting with our friend who will teach the first workshop at our residency trial in july!
3/23 meeting with second friend who will teach the second workshop at our residency trial in july! logo and name reveal tomorrow!! and the sudden arrival of spring!!!
3/24 INSTAGRAM LAUNCH
3/26 in taipei, reunited with jee. we meet almost once a year. looking back at who i was and what i am. very identity very aries stuff.
3/27 yipeng drove jee stefan and i out to the northernmost tip of taiwan at 石門 to be near the pacific ocean. i enjoy quality interaction like this, not necessarily too serious. exchanging our experiences about trying to be an artist or to work in the arts in different contexts. made better with the sun and breeze. we are all looking forward to our residency model. feels like we can make a change.
3-4（有關開始）
3月期間一直有個重大的感覺，它帶來了持續實際的變化。冬天終於讓位給春天，那代表「開始」的季節，暖和的天氣。我一直期待這段期間因為我的新加坡身體，比起在乾冷的氣候下，擅長在晴天雨季生活。也許目前在有氣候變化的島上住了幾年，我可以更好珍惜時間流逝在我身體和皮膚上製造的觸感。我也期待這段期間因為我享受「開始」。
3月提供有大有小的開始。一是我跟奕芃終於推出了我們藝術駐村計畫的名字和 logo：YAHAHA 台灣國際藝術村。這是經過了一年多的隨意和認真的準備：想點子，討論點子，紀錄點子。雖然證實實體開幕還有很多工程，如，施工，架網站，成立公司，這還算是個很有希望的開始。
比較小的開始算是我第一次參加正式的寶可夢比賽。事實上，我算是參加了一半，因為我雖然報名但沒被選上比賽。還加上，當天在場發現我報名的電動比賽是負鼠，主要活動是卡牌遊戲。我是去年底開始嘗試寶可夢電動比賽，無意識的面對了自己的自尊。你看，我們年紀越大，照理來說應該更有經驗，而年紀越大，我們開始封閉，我們更防備於嘗試完全新的東西。可能是因為我們學會了失敗或輸是丟臉的，或是更成熟的頭腦與身體更需要努力保持彈性，也或是我們就想要待在舒適區。當然，要求自己在第一瞬間嘗試的新東西可以立刻到手，馬上變專家，是荒謬的。專家存在是因為他們花了多年的訓練搭配天份（如果有的話）。我？我享受開始，它帶來的興奮感，那或許我也可以懂得這另外一件事的感覺。那如果同時享受開始，又享受當專家，又享受當第一名，要怎麼辦？
最誠實的答案，和我這輩子到目前處理的方式，是離開而再開始。我開始又開始，在不同的領域裡，在不同的群眾裡，在不同的地方裡。而或許要說我享受當專家或當第一都是不準確的說法，我想我想說的我享受自己是～特別～的。我們大部分也是。而要感覺到（強調在感受）「特別」，最容易的方式一定是當我們顯得「新」的時候，當我們顯得「新」的地方。或許這才是我享受「開始」的原因。
對於台灣，我不在是「新」的了，我又糾結著。當我在這裡不再是特別（一個感覺！）的時候，我要怎麼辦？下一步是什麼？過去的這幾年，我拔根，開始又開始在不同的居所，現在我搭窩（定居）的慾望。我渴望習慣，可以佈置的房間，可以管理的地方，有深度的互動。要怎麼稱呼它？更講究的開始？我希望找到「開始」與「搭窩」的平衡。跟奕芃這個駐村計畫好像是個樂觀的許願。
上週跟 jee 見面，是祂第一期來到台灣。開心可以一起更新我們彼此的現況，回想我們四年前是怎麼開始的。聊到我們彼此都在個要做大決定影響人生方向的時候了。這好像就是接近 30 的日子，我們各自在世界的角落們為自己的事努力，偶爾見面提醒彼此我們的根源，我們當初的開始。能有這些多年前跟我一起開始的朋友們真的很幸福。我會學習對這些開始忠實，學習讓它們永續。
有關冬天變成春天的歌單：
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Z8nRGYLkIH4THetMcagoc?si=-kH47pxERe-e8dKllNIMew&pi=a-3Oja7eoDS3aT
日記精華：
3/1 今天把 LOGO 定下。
3/4 設計。貼紙拿去送印。
3/6 討論裝修施工的錢和設計。又突然冷了。期待春天。
3/9 第一次參加台灣季寶可夢比賽，高雄。結果發現 VGC （video game competition 電動比賽）是個很小的群體，而 TCG （trading card game 卡牌遊戲）是主要的節目。我們學歷怎麼玩卡牌遊戲。過敏讓我很累也很不爽。
3/10 設計和預算的限制。需要在理想中做出實際的選擇。
3/11 不知為什麼，開始了一週緩慢沒什麼的日子。
3/14 最後最後一天顧展。在遊戲世界裡，我們輸了許多。
3/15 認真討論之後駐村的節目。奕芃往台北上去跟爸媽討論裝潢的事。緊張，希望一切順利。
3/17 最後一週倒數推出駐村計畫的名字和 logo！這幾天進展大。
3/18 明顯的天氣變化。春天來了。我喜歡開始。
3/20 跟奕芃做了小屏帖。意識到我們已經一起合作展出五次了。
3/22 跟之後在駐村7月試營運會待第一個工作坊的朋友開會！
3/23 跟之後在駐村7月試營運會待第二個工作坊的朋友開會！明天推出 logo 和名字！！和突然來臨的春天！！
3/24 INSTAGRAM 推出
3/26 在台北，跟 jee 會合。我們大概一年見一次。回想之前的我和現在的我。很身分很牡羊的事。
3/27 奕芃待 jee stefan 和我到靠太平洋海北部的石門。很享受這種紮實的互動，也不用太嚴肅。互相分享我們在不同脈絡下當藝術家或在藝術領域裡工作的經驗。太陽，海風，加分。我們都很期待駐村的樣子。感覺真的可以改變什麼。