Everything I write is from my own experiences/thoughts. When I talk about autism or autistic people, I'm not speaking for every autistic person or about every aspect of autism, I'm acknowledging that I'm not the only autistic person to have this experience/trait. I'm also still learning about autism, despite being diagnosed for over 11 years. I've learned that what I knew about autism is wrong/outdated/not the only view, and language is important but can change so quickly. I'm happy to be corrected, I'd rather know than continue to get things wrong, but please be gentle: I'm sensitive to being criticised. (Ironic when I'm blunt and critical, I know.)
I'm not proud of some of the things I've done. I'm embarrassed at the amount of police involvement, ambulances, hospital visits/stays I've had. I still want to write about it, both for myself and in the hope that people/professionals can learn from it (though the people who need to learn probably won't read it). I'd like to feel that I'm more than the complex problem that I feel like services and my family see me as, particularly in the last few years. I know something's gone (more) wrong, I don't know what it is or how to get back to being sort of OK. I know I wish I'd never asked for or expected help from services, because the hope of help and then having that hope taken away has made things worse, not to mention the damage caused by inappropriate hospital environments under section (or threat of section - because yes, I went "voluntarily" once. Never again!). I know I'm not alone in wishing I'd never asked for help.
I could ramble on forever. I'm not sure how best to end writing like this. Do I just stop writing? Do I say something specific? I guess I'll figure it out along the way.