I hope you’ve gotten off to a peaceful start of Ramadan. I have to be honest though, I’ve been struggling.
I went into this Ramadan with the intention of fasting in solidarity, but I’ve found myself feeling distant—from the fast, from my ‘why,’ and even from the sense of purpose that first inspired me to do this.
For those of you who don’t know, I used to fast every year growing up and then lost touch with my community, and my “why”, so I stopped. After seeing the suffering in Palestine and the unwavering strength of their faith, I, like many of you, felt inspired to fast in solidarity (here’s the announcement video).
I wanted more of whatever it was that could keep a people so resilient. So steadfast in faith that it maddens the oppressor. That carries them through a literal g-cide.
I also wanted to reconnect with something deeper- to come back home.
This year, I think I’ve been disconnecting from all of it. Staring pain in the face less because “I can’t handle it” or “I don’t have the time”. And I’ve noticed that feeling seeping into everything else.
The “I can’t” and the guilt are constant, and whether I’m doing anything to help or not - it never feels like enough. I promised myself I would never look away again, and yet, I feel myself doing just that.
So I’m hoping that in this struggle to connect back to my why while I’m fasting, I find the courage to look pain in the face again and not let it win.
It could also just be that its week 1 and my body is still adjusting, Idk.
Either way, fasting is meant to be a time of resetting, of grounding yourself in what’s important—whatever that means to you. So I’m looking forward to pushing through this block and getting stronger for myself and my people
Thanks for reading and please know, I enjoy reading and responding to your messages, so please share your thoughts, feelings, or tips with me.
Salaam (Peace),
Amel (Hope)
This newsletter was published as a part of my pal perspective movie club and realized my blogs belong here <3