Since 2015, I would choose a word for my year rather than resolutions. A singular word seemed to be simpler and more flexible in terms of realigning myself than resolutions ever could. Anyhow, last year, I had anticipated some big changes in my life for 2024 and decided that "Courage" would be my word. As much as the big changes were something I had looked forward to and worked towards, they were still scary and I wanted to remind myself that I needed to be brave in navigating them.
Very early on in the year, it became clear to me that the changes I had anticipated were not happening. As I sit here in December and look back at my year, I most definitely had to dig deep and find courage.
I needed courage to deal with broken dreams, smashed plans and the grief that accompanied it.
I needed courage to advocate for myself, my nervous system and to fight for my dreams.
Buying a one-way plane ticket to Melbourne for an ownself-plan book tour without anything set in stone required not just courage but a bloody amount of faith haha. I swear I still can't believe I did that. It was such a difficult few months, and yet there were so many good and surprising things that came out of it. It didn't just open new doors for my professional life but it deepened some relationships in a way that couldn't have happened if I did not take such big risks.
In a podcast I listened to about the book What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Recovery by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry, one story particularly struck me. Dr Perry talked about children in the hospital when they were asked if they wanted a new toy, or a toy he got from their home, would always choose the toy from home. And then later when they've been discharged and he visits them at home and he asks the same question and offers a new toy, they always choose the new toy.
He said:
Your ability to be curious and explore the world is directly related to your ability to feel safe and settled, and so kids that don’t feel safe don’t want to see new things. They want to go back to things that are safe and familiar.
I listened to that podcast years ago and it still is seared in my brain. The older I am, the more I believe this: my true generational wealth is that I had parents who loved me as a child. Yes, we have issues as all families do but my ability to take risks as an adult in her 30s is because I am safe and settled in my belief that my family has my back, and that I believe in my ability to figure things out (definitely spent my late 20s and early 30s failing spectacularly in so many areas of life to come to this conclusion) and because of my faith that God didn't decree anything that is not in my favour.
I don't tell people to be brave if they don't have a solid support network. Because one of the big reasons I can even afford to be brave is knowing that if it fails and I fall, I will land on soft ground. It may be a tattered thin mattress that God and my family and friends put out that catches me, but it will be there. Alhamdulillah.
Anyway, the moral of the story is: be careful what you choose as your word of the year haha.
Or maybe it is this: Everything will be fine in the end. I mean, we don't know how it will be so we might as well do our darndest.