Yesterday I didn't write, despite hoping to make the effort every day.
I thought a lot about writing.
I even opened up a blank document to start a couple of times.
My lack of writing was partially because I spent the day hanging out with family and running errands, but mostly because I spent the majority of the day with a raging headache.
Why the headache? I can't say for sure. I do have wildly problematic inflammation issues, but I've also been incredibly careful about my food consumption, so I don't think it's that. I'm a bit sensitive to the adorable kitty cat that lives here, but that explains the slightly stuffy nose more than the headache. Unfortunately, I think the mostly likely culprit is the massive bash to my head while cleaning the other day (thanks, door frame - you win this round). I've had a concussion in the past, and it's nothing nearly that bad, but I was immediately sick to my stomach when it happened, with headaches, nausea, and dizziness popping up ever since. But I don't have time for a week of brain rest, so on we trot, wise or not.
I did get much better at listening to my body in 2023 and learning to rest. Sure, it was mostly because I was so incredibly incapacitated that I could barely walk, but still, it happened. I will admit that I find it incredibly difficult though. I have had chronic pain and illness issues since childhood - resulting in a million tests over the years and zero answers - so I have spent most of my life just pushing through scenarios that would debilitate others. But I suppose it's made me strong and resilient. At least I have that.
I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like without all of the illness. When I feel well (and sometimes when I don't), I really go hard, living up to my motto of DO ALL THE THINGS! It's actually difficult to imagine a life that is more fast paced than most of mine has been. But I definitely have enjoyed the time spent this year with joints that barely hurt, no eczema, sinuses that function as advertised, and a distinct lack of persistent and nearly consistent headaches and nausea. Would things have been different without all of that present?
The good news is, I have the opportunity to mostly find out. When I was incredibly ill in the winter, to the point where I could barely walk up the stairs, I went to the emergency room. The doctor there told me that he was 100% certain that I have fibromyalgia, but that the bulk of my flare up was being caused by the intense stress I was under from outside forces (keep watch, because someday there will be a book all about those stresses). Even though fibromyalgia is really just a blanket term for “You're sick and sore and we have no idea why!”, having a name for it somehow makes it a bit better. And because of the anti-inflammatory diet I've adopted, I still have flare-ups, but they are generally less frequent and less intense, so I actually do get a lot of time off from feeling awful. Unfortunately, the stresses remain, but hopefully 2024 will help to clear that obstacle as well.
Heath is a funny thing that I think many people take for granted. Having friends from around the world, I really can't complain about the position I'm in because I get to see how much worse it can really be. I have a friend in Jordan who was in a motorcycle accident in their 20s and is now wheelchair bound; I have a friend in Kenya who has epilepsy, can't afford medication, and has a significant portion of the people around him that think he convulses because he's cursed. Yes, I do have particular pockets of my life that are stressful beyond comprehension and have probably taken years off of my life (coupled with chronic illness issues), but I also know that my story is a much brighter one than many.
And here's the crazy thing. The more I talk about my health, the more I realise that so many other people don't feel happy and healthy either. I even started a Facebook group so we can all offer support to each other. Unfortunately, I think this is a product of our current society. How could we possibly be healthy and mentally sound in this landscape? Prices of everything continue to skyrocket. It's nearly impossible to find time for self care because of external demands. The food that is readily available for purchase continues to get less and less healthy. We have “universal health care”, but have family members who can't afford to have rotten teeth pulled or buy life-saving medication. It's all a mess; no wonder we're all so unhealthy.
But, I also have hope. I sincerely hope that we will come to a point where everyone cares enough about the people around them that the entire world starts to shift. Maybe one day, not having teeth falling out of your head while causing terrible, painful infections will be a right and not a privilege only afforded to some. Perhaps with a little extra love and connection, we can all help each other over our walls and lay the groundwork for a better, healthier future for us all.