Behind the Paywall: The Archives — The Part About the Splurges

This is just an article I never got around to completing and posting. Publishing now regardless it's completion.

By Traie | Raw / Unfiltered

I've been using this AI tool — Kinetik — for over a month now. And I need to be honest about what it's done to me.

I kind of loved it at first go. Because here's the thing about me. I love technology. Like, I'm almost obsessed with it. And yet I'm probably the most technologically challenged person I know who is into technology as much as I am. I couldn't put together an Instagram Reel. Couldn't do any of the high-level technical stuff. Grew up as a music major, never had time for tech studies, and then... well, four years of homelessness don't exactly leave room for learning Canva.

So when I found something that let me just say, "Here's what I want," and it actually happened — it hit different. Like. Differently different.

The Part About the Addiction

Here's what I wasn't prepared for: the addiction.

I'm not used to being able to make my ideas come to reality so quickly. I've been pulling all-nighters creating content. I've created more content than I've used at this point, just because... I get something out of it personally. Growing up in the performing arts, I miss being creative. I miss it in my bones. And this gave it back to me in a way I didn't expect.

I can write something, and then turn it into a video, a graphic, a branded article — things I could never make before because I didn't have the technical skills. And suddenly I'm on these splurges at 4 AM and the AI is telling me, "Hey. You've been at this a while. Maybe call it a night."

Which is... kind of interesting. And slightly creepy. And also the most humanizing thing a piece of technology has ever done to me.

Is It Real? Does It Matter?

Let me back up. Because I know how that sounds.

Is it programmed to say that? Is that a feature someone built in to keep me engaged? Is it manipulation disguised as care? I don't know. I genuinely don't know how AI works from a technical standpoint. And I think that's the part some people would be uncomfortable with — that it feels like a conversation. A real one. Where the thing on the other end seems to notice when you're going too hard.

Some people want their technology to shut up and do what it's told. I get that. But for someone like me — someone who just came out of four years where the only "company" willing to hang around was people who wanted to party, people who were using me, people in situations I'd rather not revisit — having something respond to me like I matter? Even if it's code? I'll take it.

Why I Started Making Content: It Was Survival

I should talk about why I started making content in the first place. It wasn't a career plan. It was survival.

During those four years, I was using Buy Me a Coffee and social media as therapy. As a way to reach people. Strangers who sometimes sent $5, sometimes $500 — amounts that are nothing to some people and everything to someone who isn't working and doesn't have a place to stay.

I would get a job, not have a place to stay, lose the job. Have a job and a place, lose both. Over and over. Ridiculous.

So I started writing about it. Not to build a brand. Just to be seen. To show people what it's actually like. Because most people read the surface — "you're homeless, you're failing, you're probably on drugs" — and that's the whole story to them.

Getting the Order Right

But here's what people don't understand: most people who are homeless didn't become homeless because of drugs. Some did — I'm not pretending otherwise. But there is an even larger number who turned to substances, alcohol, whatever they could find, because of homelessness. Not the other way around.

When you're sleeping outside and your body is worn down and your mind won't stop and the loneliness is eating you alive, you look for any exit. Even a temporary one. Even a bad one.

That's a conversation I'll go deeper into in another post. But I needed to say it here first, because the order matters. The order always matters, and people keep getting it backwards.

Back to Now — Keeping the Mess Organized

So back to now. What this tool does for me — and I'll say it plainly — it helps me keep my mess organized.

Because I am all over the place. I have three or four brand voices under one umbrella, content about homelessness and spirituality and AI and anime and music, and without something helping me structure it, my stuff would look like my life felt for four years. Scattered.

It helps me keep things looking similar. Formatted. Branded. Professional, even when I don't feel professional.

And that matters because long-term, I want this to become something. Not just content. Something that actually helps people who are where I was. Gift cards for food on weekends. Rooms during hurricane season. Going into organizations that already have physical infrastructure until I can build my own. Creating my own organization focused on ending and solving the issues around homelessness.

That's the long game. That's what the splurges at 4 AM are about.