My birthday has never been mine.
My brother and sister always had their own fair share of parties and celebrations. It was their own. I grew up having to share a birthday with a family relative. I always felt like it was the priority rather than mine. I remembered going to a resort for my birthday because my uncle was having his birthday too. So instead of having my own, we just went there instead. It always felt like my birthday is just noticed because it was his birthday in the first place.
It became less and less of a thing for me and something I never really looked forward to.
I always thought that that was the worst that could happen on a birthday. Next thing I know, parents separate and on May 21, 2018 (my supposed birthday celebration), I find myself in a college graduation, almost crying since my mom and dad were starting to fight before I went up to get my medal as Cum Laude. I went to a birthday dinner not smiling at all and had my day ruined. A day I specifically asked from them to keep peaceful. It was never given to me. Since then I have always been wary of my birthday being celebrated with family. Either I try to celebrate it with them after my birthday or just not celebrate at all. It has been a re-occuring thing. During my birthmonth, there will always be something bad that happens to me before, during or after my birthday. I experienced being told to break up a day after my birthday, I experienced having some random fights during my birthday. Last year, a month before my birthday... my phone got stolen, have a debt of 100k pesos and caused me to have a stressful month of May. I wasn't able to fully enjoy my birthday just because there were a lot of things to pay for.
I think the most peaceful birthday I've had was a solo trip last 2021? No family. No friends. Just me. Before, during, after... Nothing bad ever happened.
This year is no different. I thought I was marked safe. God-forbid a man wants a 24-hour peaceful day with no issues. I guess not. Some things never really change.
So if ever you're trying to make me feel good for my birthday... Just know that I will never change my view of how my birthday is. You will never see me put so much effort into making my day a big deal just like everybody else. It's like a normal day for me. I treat it as such. Since 2016, my birthdays have always been chaotic and messy. I've grown to accept and take that in without no hard feelings.
Here's to year 30.