In light of a lot of personal issues I took a few days off from doing this and some of my other normal activities within the community. The pressure of thinking up new things, home life, work, feeling like my writing progress isn't at the stage I want it to be at all kind of came crashing down on me and I got caught in a bit of a cycle of depression. This happens from time to time for me and I think for many other people.
Honestly it still feels like I'm losing but I'm doing my best to come back to my usual persona. This recent cycle reminded me of something one of my combat coaches told me once during training. "I learn a lot more when I lose a fight than when I win a fight, but I don't wanna lose all the time."
This is really true, especially for anyone who has gone through any sort of martial arts training but even with a new job you'll experience this. You start out and you lose ... a lot. But you start to see your mistakes, things that seemed hard at first you do repetitively until they become a reflex.
That's when the last part of what my teacher told me, "I don't want to lose all the time." Losing all the time well teaching you lessons but it's painful, it's degrading to your mental health and self-esteem. When you think you're good at something and fail it really can kick in the imposter syndrome we've talked about here before.
So you're going to win, and you're going to lose the important part is to take the loses when they happen, learn from them figure out how you could have done a better job. You should also take the wins as they happen, reveal in them and let them boost your moral to kick start you into the next project, but know you'll probably have losses in the next project as well. That's okay it's part of the growing process, and anyone who survived their teenage years knows that growth is painful.
Hi I'm Wes, and last week I lost. I'm going to do better this week and it's going to be a longer time before I lose again.
Stay hydrated, keep dreaming.