Boundaries & Friendship Self Care
By Jo Watt
Boundaries are super important as this is the line that we draw for our self for what we choose to accept and will not accept in our life. This can be mental, emotional, physical or spiritual boundaries. Personally this one has been a struggle for me at times, which is one that I’ve been becoming better at learning.
Learning to set healthy boundaries is vital in order for us to take control over our own happiness and our own life. If we allow others to cross our boundaries or we don’t have strong boundaries, we end up feeling depressed, anxious or doing everything for everyone else and putting ourselves last! This damages our self esteem and self worth.
To be able to set a boundary first you need to identify your own needs and expectations of how you want to be treated and learn how to say NO or stand up for yourself when someone has come close to a boundary.
The most empowering thing we can say is NO. Its also a great way to form structure in your life and protect yourself from people who don’t have your best interests at heart. The more we learn to love ourselves the easier it is to tell when someone isn’t treating us in a loving way that we deserve. In order to have that strong sense of self we need to believe that “I deserve respect”. Once you command respect and expect it, the clearer your boundaries will become.
How to Identify Your Boundaries:
Fold piece of paper in half and write safe/unsafe.
On the left side write all the things that make you feel safe from all areas of life. E.g your favourite people who make you feel safe, a song that resonates, amount of money that feels secure etc
On the right side write all the things that make you feel unsafe from all areas of life. Eg Trauma, situations that make you feel disrespected, values that aren’t aligned with you.
The list will make it seem clear on what your boundaries need to be.
To enforce a boundary, you have to feel comfortable with saying NO. Many of us, including myself, have been conditioned to become co-dependent or people pleasers, and we have learnt to put others needs above our own. The most important thing you can do for yourself is to learn to please yourself and love and respect yourself. If you ever feel “unsafe, unhappy or disrespected” a boundary has been violated. If someone doesn’t respect you when you say NO it is best to remove yourself from the toxic situation for your own wellbeing.
| Social Self Care
Our friendships are powerful and can have a great impact on us. Our friend circles can either uplift, inspire us and create a sense of love and fun or they can be negative, toxic, destructive and damaging. So know it's ok to distance yourself from people who drain you, and instead nourish the friendships that do uplift you.
To identify if your friendship is a healthy one or a negative one ask yourself this:
Do I feel happy and positive when I am around this person or do I feel drained, exhausted and negative?
We all have our moments of being toxic and dealing with our own emotional triggers, so it important to become aware of our negativity so we don’t project it onto others and take responsibility for our own crap. This is something I’ve been learning to do and its something we have all done at some point in our life. While its ok to sometimes vent to get something off our chest, its draining to continuously dump our negativity on our friends. With emotional maturity, we can begin to learn to self soothe and find other ways to express ourself without negatively projecting onto others.
It's important to understand that as we grow older our priorities change, we have more responsibilities, our values change and our friendship circles change. People come and go and as we grow and change so does our friendship circles. Our vibe attracts our tribe. Remember that.
| Its Ok To Ask For Help
While so many of us have been doing personal development work on ourselves, sometimes we need to reach out. Asking for help isn’t a weakness, it’s a sign of strength because you can recognise your limitations and blind spots and are willing to be vulnerable enough to ask for support. Recognise how far you have come and be kind to yourself, because you are doing a great job.
What ways do you enforce boundaries & what do you value in a friend?
Disclaimer:
Watt Unifies Me does not diagnose, prescribe and treat medical conditions and this blog is sharing information for educational purposes only. Always seek medical advice from a trained and licensed medical professional