(this one's a bit different tonight - it's where i am atm - where i have been for some time - in the background - behind the words and stories i usually share here)
***
We all know it.
We all live it - some more than others.
The $truggle.
Everything is expensive now.
Out of reach for growing numbers of us.
Utilities.
Food.
Housing.
Clothes.
Education.
Cars.
Medical.
Since I was a young girl, I have always - ALWAYS - questioned the whole "pay to live" thing. Even when I was attending church, I always felt that Jesus would never approve of such a thing. I would ask why we needed money. The go-to adult response was always "that's just how it is". If I pushed it more, I got hushed or told things like "we don't talk about that" or I would be given something else to turn my attention elsewhere. Then I would ask why "they" couldn't just give everyone equal amounts of money, so no one had to struggle? Whoever said such things make you stronger is full of it. So many of lifes challenges caused BY money make you TOUGH, and tough is not the same as strong. Tough turns you into a facade of your real self. It takes the softness around the heart and turns it into a wall. Strong however is the inner courage - Love - that keeps us going and refuses to give up what the heart needs and wants.
Decades later, I still don't align with having to pay just to survive. Who made that rule? And most importantly - why have we all agreed to go along with it - certainly quietly?
It isn't that I am against money - it is the controls of it in which I don't align. And obviously I know I need to findi ways to generate it, and I know it won't be going away anytime soon, and I know I have the talent and drive TO earn far more than I do now. My current "WTF" inner frustration is how unbelievably expensive it is today just TO survive. I recently found an old grocery list my daughter had kept - something she had doodled on at the time. It was from 2017 or 2018. I had it budgeted at $65. At the time I looked over the prices and calculated what I would spend today.
Today - that same list at the same store would be doubled.
I'm in debt - like millions of us now - just to have the basics. I have a growing teenager who eats a lot and who is often in need of new clothes, wanting to take this lesson or that lesson, not to mention her desire to go to college and the pain and overwhelming frustration I feel over having to tell her "no" far too often when I want to tell her "yes" - and well, it's all caught up to me. I have so many irons in the fire now in my ongoing, diligent attempts to increase my income so I can give her what she wants - and needs - and for myself too. I am losing sleep over the stress - I have realized I frown far too much - my brain is so very tired more often than now - and the answer - ah yes, the answer all comes down to money.
My ability to cope and deal and handle is challenged these days - it takes pure will and diligence for me to find the balance in pushing forward (because I never quit) but also respecting my mental state and my body which is absolutely essential for me to continue to be the kind of mom she needs, and the person I want to be for myself as well. I need to rest more.
And I need support too.
Because in the quest to increase our incomes, we require others. We require someone to hire us. Or we require others to support our work, to buy our products.
I keep thinking there are so many of us - all it takes is many contributing just a little bit to change a life.
Which is why I am doing what I am doing here. I'm looking to change a couple of lives: my daughter's. And mine too.
💖🙏
Victoria
local supporters: i have a flyer made up of my page to put up around town. if you are interested in helping me in this next part of marketing, let me know and i can give you some flyers. 🥰
