How many of us feel safe? Truly safe?
Where you know that those around you have your back. They are there for you. And during those moments when conflict arises, and you may get triggered and feel unsafe, the other sees that reaction from you and seeks to heal and bridge any disconnect that took place. And of course, this goes both ways.
How many of you have that?
I have a great need for this.
It's been lacking - seriously lacking - in my life.
As a child, I didn't have it. I walked on glass in my own house and at school. I always seemed to be asking too many questions or stating too many opinions that weren't acceptable to the adults or peers around me. I was loved if I went along to get along and didn't disrupt moments of peace - which upon reflecting, was fake. Real peace allows for dissenting opinions.
Real safety is a sign of real relationships. I not only see the other but I see myself in the moments of those relationships where conflict and old unseen or unhealed wounds arise. We all have these. The key to creating safety is the ability to see it in ourselves and a willingness to talk and reflect - together. That's where relationships get stuck.
And that's where I have been seeking to get unstuck.
I see as I have been on my journey of seeking truth and awakening to truth out there and here within - I am learning how to create those relationships with people I meet. And most importantly - with myself.
That involves total honesty and transparency with myself - and sharing those moments when I feel safe to do so with others with whom I choose to connect.
It also involves taking every new relationship slowly as well as creating boundaries. Solid boundaries. I was taught to be the good girl - be nice - which meant I ignored most every inner red flag while growing up. This continued into adulthood where I went on to make even more lousy choices for myself - out of fear of disappointing or angering others.
When I feel what is around me is toxic - harmful - I step back and reflect I speak up (if I feel it's safe to do so) - which ain't easy for I also risk abandonment - rejection - which deflates my need to feel safe little balloon. If my speaking up creates further harm and conflict, that relationship is one that may not be for me. And my self-respect is more important than anything to me now.
Safety.
Where I can be ME and KNOW that while conflict may create a temporary moment or two of feeling unsafe or alone (which are quite horrible feelings for me even at my age but I see it and am working on finally healing) - and that is ok and normal (I tell myself over and over) - if the other is willing to undertake the journey with me - safety can be built to the place where when conflict arises, the energy of safety has been built to such a state as to create a solid foundation that the need to retreat back to a 5 year old slowly dissipates.
And the child within knows she finally has a safe place in which to land and Be.
She can breathe - again - perhaps for the first time.
Yes.
That - is what I seek to create.
That is what I AM creating.
Love,
Victoria