WASHINGTON, D.C.-As frustration and anger mount all across America, the federal government is planning to roll out free margaritas to all Americans aged 21 and over, using the distribution networks so successfully deployed during Operation Warp Speed.
Press Secretary Jen Psaki alluded to the plan in her recent interview with ABC's The View, when she advised Americans frustrated at the Senate's failure to pass Democratic-sponsored legislation to "feel those emotions" and "go to a kickboxing class" or "have a margarita".
But a source close to the Press Secretary revealed that Psaki's remarks related to a much broader initiative.
"She sort of let the cat out of the bag," said the source. "The announcement wasn't due to be made until next week.
"And the margarita rollout isn't just for frustrated Democrats. It's for all Americans facing rising prices at the gas pumps, empty shelves in supermarkets, and never-ending Covid restrictions. The administration believes it's important that Americans feel their emotions with either alcohol or violence. Just not both at the same time."
According to the source, Vice President Kamala Harris and Press Secretary Jen Psaki hatched the idea together one evening after having several margaritas themselves.
"They were meeting with the President in the Oval Office but when he dozed off, they decided to open the liquor cabinet," the source said.
"I could hear them from down the hall, giggling like schoolgirls. I looked in to see what was going on and they were already on their second margarita, taking selfies with the sleeping President.
"I got the Secret Service to intervene when they took out their make-up bags to draw angry eyebrows on the President's face."
But as the evening progressed, the silly stage of drunkenness gave way to the deep and thoughtful stage, and Harris and Psaki got down to business.
The result was Operation Spring Break, which will see millions of margaritas distributed via local pharmacies, hospitals, and walk-in clinics, starting mid-February.
North of the border, Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland confirmed that the Canadian government is looking at a similar "made in Canada" policy, with plans to roll out bloody Caesars.
Uptake is expected to be significantly lower given the acquired taste of clam juice.