Picture of the author's book, "Single Mother's Daily Grind."
MY simple definition of divorce is the dissolution of a legalized relationship, a martial business, or a family. Many times marriage is not made of these simultaneously.
I could go deeper into the whole marriage thing but I will hold that for another post.
I can’t wait to get to that discussion.
I divorced in Chicago, in April of 2010, a month after my second and last child was born. Needless to say that year and the 6 years before were devastating.
However, with each year, my heart softened and I was able to grasp that my life would be different. I would be a divorced woman with 2 children to raise; but could have been worse.
After all that happened with the divorce and trying to get through medical issues after childbirth, my children and I had some other significant losses.
I eventually had to leave my job at that time, then lost my next job and ultimately lost my apartment, all trying to survive as a newly divorced single mother.
Now, during this time I was determined and diligent to make it work without the help of their dad, which was a choice he made. He is a bit better currently but I may even write about our latest years in life.
I learned through the years that one person can’t force someone else to do anything they don’t want or are ready to do.
How I moved on
I moved forward with the help of my cousin who suggested I come to the state he and my aunt relocated to, live with them, and start fresh.
Not ever being out of my home city other than visiting, I had a hard time envisioning leaving with nothing literally but my car, a 3-year-old, and my 12-year-old daughter.
How in the world was I going to make this work? I had to ask and say to myself, How are you making it work now? You’re not. So what is the difference at this point?
So, I let my parents know my plan, (they wanted us to live with them until we got it together), and I received help from some friends and my kids’ Godfather.
I put my items in storage (which I eventually lost due to financial issues), gathered our main items put everything in my car, and drove hours to my new life.
We made it to the South!
We settled in and I got to work. Diligently I was trying to begin earning money, registering the kids for daycare and middle school then trying to adjust mentally, physically, and definitely emotionally.
Not everything was perfect. There were ups and downs with trying to get my footing. Right as my efforts began to feel the light of day, our car was repossessed right before my eyes, literally.
I was washing the dishes when my little cousin said, “Someone is taking your car!”
I walked to the living room window, hands dripping with dish soap and water, clearly believing that all was true. I knew it would happen eventually because there was just no more money left.
I watched the tow truck make a u-turn in front of my cousin’s and aunt’s house with my beautiful blue Chevy Cruze, hooked on to the back. I was constantly telling myself that I felt like I was in a movie that should be made for TV.
Photo by Hillshire Farm/Unsplash.com
So many writing moments I refused to miss.
The more I thought about the changes in my life the more I vowed to make things better if for no one else, my kids.
So, I began to write down different scenarios to remind myself where I was in life and how I would be changing our lives for the better. Although most writers have written their life changes and a narrative, I wanted to capture our journey a bit differently.
So I did this by writing moments in our journey and a life lesson that supports it.
So every day there were moments that if I could capture with a camera I would have. But I thought bringing our experiences to life through words and imagery was more my passion.
And then the content of *Single Mother’s Daily Grind — Even when parenting alone was born.
My book will be in paperback and *ebook format by the numbered week and a blurb summary which follow.
Here is an excerpt from my book:
Week 32
“As my children and I ride the bus home after work and school, it begins. My teen daughter (14) begins talking about how much fun she had at her middle school’s home football game this evening. (She had contemplated for weeks if she would even go, seeing that some of her closest friends were on the fence about their attendance.)
As she goes into detail about a boy who likes her, sits by her, and gives her many compliments (now he, according to her, hasn’t been talking to her for weeks after she told him that she is too young to have a boyfriend) during the game. Then Tyson (4) begins. “Excuse me, Mommy,” he blurts out, ready to tell me all the details about life in pre-kindergarten and the scenery during our ride home.
As we pass each house, yard, and several trees along the route, Tyson is quite descriptive of what he sees and makes sure I don’t miss a single moment. After responding with genuine excitement and interest, I returned to the conversation with the teen (after letting Tyson know). This continues for about 20 minutes.
Then they both sort of find their entertainment, and I am given an intermission to breathe. I have taught them well. They now know that I am only one person interested in both their worlds. However, I can chat with both when given short intervals of minutes to switch my brain from 14 to 4 in seconds. As pleased as I was, I continued to listen to them in excerpts when they began to chat again. They eventually tapered
off again and engaged in other activities on our commute. Then…I am loving every minute of this time together…just the three of us.”
*The times you appreciate the most, when we are all together and all is well. Our routine, though full, we find times to laugh, love, and listen to each other. What more can you ask for?
Conclusion
Divorce — this is the situation where there is lots of judgment and pain and sometimes we just have to understand that it needs to happen and it shouldn’t define us negatively. Of course, it does sometimes.
With every word written and said, it not only reminded me of where I was but of course, where I was going. So, I wrote until my heart healed during that moment.
Mothers, there may be a time during this dissolve when you will be the only or main caretaker and breadwinner. It will get better.
Concentrate on building and maintaining relationships with your children, do what is best for them, and know that you are doing what is best for you all.
I hope that those who read Single Mother’s Daily Grind and my experiences on our journey see that it can be done. You are not without capabilities.
You CAN gain and live a new life. You can move forward in peace. Choose it. Choose to be better and model for your children that even when changes
We as divorced and single mothers, are rare. We are full of strength that we haven’t even tapped into yet. Let’s continue to do something uplifting that brings us joy and reminds us that our worth is heightened every moment we indulge in it.
We are here.
We are thriving and yes, we too, are enough.
*This post includes links to my book (paperback and ebook).