When I was around 19, I drove down to the central coast (CA) to visit family.
I was visiting a lot at the time because I had grown close to my (great) Uncle Lech Claborn. Born Lester, my grandma called him Lech (pronounced lek)he was her brother-in-law.
He and my grandma were friends first. She told me they used to go skating (she loved regaling how she was, “the whip”). Then he met her sister, and they rooted their family in Santa Maria.
He was many inches over six feet tall, with a longish face, jowels, and amused, bright blue eyes.
He was somewhat of a local celebrity because he was a winning hobby stock driver. Unforgettable because of his height, he also had charisma and personality to match.
He was always ready with jokes whenever you were with him. And you’d never hear the same one twice.
Being out with him in public was like being with a celebrity. People saying hello to him in the grocery store, he’d say hi and offer him a joke.
Eating with him in a restaurant and people would stop and say hi to him and make quick conversation with him.
He never seemed tired of it, or put off. He was always genuine and perfectly at ease.
Although I knew him from infancy, the first time I remembered meeting him, I was 17 and his wife passed away. I went down there with my grandmother for her funeral.
I will never forget, how many people came by to give their condolences and bring him his favorite food.
Kentucky Fried Chicken.
I can’t tell you how much chicken there was. But imagine a buffet table covered in red and white buckets and that’s close.
If it wasn’t already a traumatic experience, countless images of the Colonel would have haunted you.
Fast forward a couple years and I was driving down there as often as I could.
The Claborn clan were many. I had a couple cousins close to my age. One a bit younger, and this particular visit, we went to the drive in movies.
We were all to drive down to Santa Barbara the next day because my Uncle Lech was having a surgery.
I’d only had a few hours of sleep, and a three hour convoy seemed like nothing.
We arrived, checked Uncle Lech into the hospital and headed to the cafeteria for breakfast. I stood in line, grabbed my tray and that’s when I saw it.
Brown. Velvety chocolate. Morsels winking at me. I’d never seen a muffin so big. My eyes probably glazed over - was it real?
I’d had so little sleep, was I dreaming?
To this day I remember how it felt like slow motion as I went to grab it.
Was it possible that I could actually claim it!? Could it be mine?
My mouth watered, the expectation of the most decadence that I’d ever tasted about to be a lived experience.
The man working behind the counter looked at me a little bit oddly, I thought he was waiting for me to order the scrambled eggs. I thought I obliged him when I nodded and said I’d like the eggs.
But it was my grandmother who nudged me and whispered:
“Sports (her nickname for me), plate!”
She handed me a plate and I was so confused I looked at her, at the plate, back to the man and then to my tray.
That’s when it hit me.
He’d spooned the eggs onto my tray.
I hadn’t grabbed a plate.
I was so mesmerized by the most gorgeous, huge, chocolate, chocolate chip muffin that was beckoning me.
I grabbed the plate, long line of Claborns snickering behind me.
I tried to explain, that I’d fallen in love. How could I be to blame?
I was so embarrassed that I didn’t even scoop the eggs on the plate. Everything I ordered after: potatoes, sausage links went on the plate.
But, the embarrassment didn’t keep me from enjoying that muffin!
It was everything I expected it to be and more.
When everyone was finished eating,
Every
Single
Claborn
handed me their plate.
I had 13 plates.
I was humiliated.
But they were fun and had the same amazing sense of humor as their patriarch.
I was able to laugh too and forget being embarrassed.
Whenever I think of my cousins, my beloved grandmother and her brother, my Uncle Lech, I think of scrambled eggs on a tray and a hypnotic chocolate chocolate chip muffin.
And I think it thinks of me too.
So I commemorated it.
The sticker is available in my shop.