When Life Gives You Lemon, Have A Nervou ...

When Life Gives You Lemon, Have A Nervous Breakdown

May 21, 2022

By Alex Rosado

I’ve had that sentence in my head for 2 days now, and I feel it coming. I can’t hold my shit much longer. 

I argued with my husband right before he went to work. I didn’t say bye, I didn’t say “I love you”, I just slammed the car door and went inside of the house. Now, for the rest of the day, I have to live with the possibility that it could be the last time I saw him. 

It’s not fair. I hope that the first person that said about marriage “don’t go to sleep angry” is in hell. Sometimes, I should have the right to be mad. I should be able to slam the door without living the next 12 hours with preventive guilt. 

The worst part? I was mad at him for a good reason. We are trying to buy a house so that we can move out of his mom’s house. As he works all week, we can only do visits during the week. By that time, all the good houses already have offers on – offers we can’t compete with. So today I made an appointment to visit a house in our town in the morning, right before he goes to work. 

We arrived late – I blame him, of course, for not telling me what time it was and for making me drive even though I’m a slow driver. Anyway. We arrived and found our realtor struggling to open the key cache. My husband tried to help her out, to no avail. A second realtor arrived, his clients were a couple of meters away from us in their car. You now had 2 realtors trying to open a door. If that’s not a great setup for a joke, I don’t know what is! We achieve to enter the house after they realize they had to hit * to confirm. 

The house was not as good in reality as in the picture. I was minding my business in the kitchen when our realtor came and grabbed my sleeve and dragged me to the garden. Yes, I know, the fenced garden is good, but I’m not in love with the highway at the end of it. We can see the cars as they pass. I knew at this instant it was not our future home. 

We finished the tour quickly and took a minute to talk about other offers. We visited 2 condos last weekend that we liked. My husband liked a smaller, ready-to-live with the possibility of closing the garden for our dog. I liked a bigger one with some updating to be done, and no garden at all. 

We put an offer on the first one Sunday. Today, as we were driving home from the showing, we decided to raise our offer for the first one and to put an offer at the asking price for the second. 

Now, I’m going to tell you something that will blow your mind. In France, legally, if you put an offer at the asking price, you get the house. There’s no auction so that the richest person gets the house. There’s no “best and highest”, or having to compete with all-cash offers. 

Isn’t it crazy to feel poor as we try to buy a house? What the heck is wrong with you America?! 

Don’t answer, I already know. And what I don’t know is probably not going to make me happy. 

Just shut up America, or I’m going to talk about abortion and you won’t like it either! 

Because seriously, in 2022, as the world is going even more to shit between wars and climate change, you thought you weren’t doing enough and decided to just go and take Roe Vs Wade back? 

My. How come I always end up wondering what is wrong with America? 

In other news, I just took my shoes off and I’m already feeling more relaxed. Do you think that’s the problem with America? Everyone is wearing tight shoes? 

With all this BS, I forgot to tell you why I was mad at my husband. He was the one driving home because he had to drop me off before going to work. I tried to talk about houses, and he told me we shouldn’t do visits in the morning. I reminded him that everything is sold by the time we are ready to visit. I’ve been asking him to set his priorities straight. Either we are looking, which means we are really looking, either … I don’t have another either. I need to get the hell out of his parent’s place. 

After 9 months, it’s time to admit it. Stockholm syndrome is real and I’m suffering from it. 

I’ve learned to appreciate and communicate with his very religious and republican parents. And yes, by that I mean people that go to church every Sunday and do pay to be part of the Republican party. They even have a golf cart with 2 stickers on it. One says “America, love it or leave it” while the other simply states “Socialism sucks”. 

Yes, I felt very attacked. They pretend the stickers were there when they bought it, but I have yet to witness them trying to take them down. 

If you have followed the news lately, you know that French President Emmanuel Macron has been reelected. He was facing Marine Le Pen, the same woman as his first election. 

One evening, I wandered to the kitchen as my in-laws were watching the news (loudly). My father-in-law asked what I thought about the elections. I said it wasn’t great, and even though I wasn’t the biggest fan of Macron I hoped we would be reelected. 

He thought himself smart when he asked “don’t you want a woman president?” 

My answer was very simple. “Yes, but not her. A woman doesn’t mean just any woman. I’ll need a bit more qualification than to have a uterus”. 

I have yet to hear his answer to that. 

It feels good to take the time to express all of that, and not always be shiny and politically correct. I have a voice, quite mean sometimes, but I’ve been scared to use it. I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to make a wave. 

I’m also looking for a job as a content writer, so I know that potential employers might read that. It’s not a good thing, is it? And it’s not like I have this amazing amount of experience and success to compensate for my frankness. All I can say is that I’m passionate. Passionate about writing, about truth, fairness, equality, and I don’t mind pointing out what’s wrong in this country. Maybe I can convince a few people to save themselves and move.

Move to where? That’s an entirely different debate. I’ll always say Europe, but with the knowledge that it’s far from perfect on the other side of the Atlantic. Life costs less, and so does health, education, housing… but the salaries do not compare at all. What you call a median salary in the US is often high in Europe. We make less, because we pay less.

We also learned to value life over money. We don’t make as much, it will always be true. Europe is not the place you go to become rich, but it’s a great place to be when America has spat you out and told you you wouldn’t be part of the dream. 

We’ll try to take you in, to help you out, and to make you remember that unions and work-related laws can be good. Working 50 to 60 hours a week is not being motivated and wanting to prove yourself, it’s being desperate, or brainwashed. Working 3 jobs shouldn’t be normal. Paying expensive tips because you won’t pay your waitresses yourself is not okay. Education should be a right, not a privilege. Teachers shouldn’t wonder if it’s the day they get shot. Incest and rape victims should always have the right to abort. Netflix shouldn’t keep raising its price, AND DRIVING 5 OVER IS STILL OVER, EVEN IF EVERYBODY DOES IT! 

Yes, that’s why I was mad at my husband. I don’t want to die in this country. 

On that note, if you are looking for me, I’ll be out smelling the fucking flowers (before my dog pees on them).

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