My girl has been doing some clothes shopping. Some of it I have paid for, but most of it is her own money given to her by grandparents and savings over the summer of a few babysitting gigs. She has grown several inches this summer and as any parent knows, that requires turning jeans into shorts and buying new items. It's just how it is. Plus, she's female and a teenager. NORMAL to want stylish pretty clothes.
Today she picked out some items, all on sale, I placed the order, and she passed along the money. Her father? He's angry about it, accusing me of giving her "everything" he wants. That old narc worn out insulting behavior that exaggerates - lies - to support their narrative. You "always". You "never". It insults me. I don't have an adult relationship. I'd like one. I am able to create it when he's calm and usually high - but even that is a lie for the next day he doesn't remember.
So, I am having the talk with her - how this behavior is about him. She DESERVES not only to receive from others, but to give to herself. He laid his nonsense on thick about a year ago when she made a personal wish list on a website and some of my friends bought her some things off of it. After 3 packages he declared that was "enough". I felt if my friends want to buy her things, which included some pretty things for her room, they were allowed to. I get he's upset that his family hasn't stepped up and spoiled their granddaughter - the way most grandparents do - but to misdirect that anger? Absolutely appalling. When she was little, his mom would buy he a lot of clothes and I mean a lot. She had 15 pairs of pj's at one point. lol Did he put a stop to that? No.
It's the usual confusion one is left with being forced to live under such circumstances with such an entity as the narcissist. And as I always leave my writings, I want to leave but am unable to afford my own place for she and I - due to the ridiculous cost of housing. I am on waiting lists and have a request in a local agency to get myself bumped up on their list. So, your support which comes in the form of sharing and buying however many coffees you can afford, help me. And my child.
And as I type this, he has come to my desk, verbally insulting me and again telling me I "always" get her whatever she wants. I asserted I was not having a conversation under the conditions of being told I "always" nor was I tolerating false accusations. He interrupted and walked out - then returned and put his phone in my face showing an article on what a bad partner is - someone who refuses to have a conversation.
It's called placing a boundary with a narcissist. You can never have a real conversation with them.
Something that took me far too long to get.
M.E.