I get that often.
And have for over 20 years.
"What have you done for ME?" (followed by "here's a huge list of what I am doing for you").
When I have answered that question, I get argumentative statements back. Mostly I get interrupted, which means I am speaking a truth he isn't interested in hearing.
I also get this:
"When was the last time you did that? What day? What time?" How insidious is that? Cruel and sadistic. The physical stance is arms crossed, frown on face, posturing himself in a way that reminds me of an attorney questioning a witness or a parent questioning the teenager who has returned home 5 hours after curfew. Total attempt to power-over me, control, leave me in fear.
Again - WHO DOES THAT? This has done nothing but made me repulsed by his energy. It has done nothing but destroy my feeling of safety and trust. I couldn't be anymore single now (without a judge's signature).
I got a dose of it today - throughout the day. Early on he commanded that by the end of the day, I was to tell him the things I am doing to meet his needs. I didn't comply. I do things different today.
He did this while holding his phone, videotaping me while telling his phone his version of my behavior. I walked away. I did that several times today, leaving, mostly tuning him out. He consumes enough cannabis, he mellows out. At one point I was on the couch, turning a pair of jeans into shorts for my daughter. When he saw me doing that, did he say "thank you so much for all you do". Did he ask what I was doing? Nope. He also didn't care. Today he told me "That's all you do, isn't it? Give give give to her." I looked up and said, "it's called being a Mom" and returned to what I was doing. And in another moment of weakness (my focus is do. not. engage.), I said he could take over and I would go sit outside and watch the sky as he was doing all afternoon. That's all it took - he was triggered further and began listing off - or tried to list off all of the things he already does and what I don't: I don't grow the plants he does. I don't do work on the car (doesn't cleaning and vacuuming it count?). He paused, stammering, realizing he had quickly run out of things listing the things he does that I don't do and walked outside. Slamming the door.
Always. slamming. the. door.
With that narc program, which is grossly self-focused, it's "what have you done for me lately."
All of the "good" times - those moments when he was giving of himself - when he has thanked me for the all of the hats I wear and how hard I work - and how he could never do all that I do: it was all fake. Every bit of it. Anything authentic does not also include an equal or more amount of take take take, demand demand demand, judge judge judge.
Narcs are not real people. Their mental narrative keeps them from being truly authentic and real - and certainly trustworthy. I finally see that.
I am so. done. with. this. I spoke with another attorney just to get more info - this behavior is recognized but not really. This system recognizes it, but this system doesn't. It comes down to increasing my income and (or) finding truly affordable housing. Which I am focused on. I have a friend who is giving me some help with increasing income. New ideas are flowing into my life - new people. It will happen. I will make it happen. For now, I seriously do the best I can every single day.
If any of you know of marketing guru's, website promotion, please let me know. And please support my work here by buying me a coffee.
Thank you.
M.E.