I realize we all have wounds, wounds that sometimes make us very focused on ourselves in those moments we are triggered. I work diligently - focus I should say - with care - when I get triggered where I can reflect on what happened and own any negative reactions or responses I got lost in and apologize.
This entity?
Incapable.
Of course.
I should know this - but sometimes it still surprises me. Once he gets triggered, he STAYS triggered.
We found out early in the year that our daughter is the recipient of a trust fund (his side of the family), to be accessed when she is of a certain age in her adult years. The will for that was supposed to arrive by now and when I approached him about contacting the person in his family for the number as I had lost it so I could inquire as to where the will is - a person that he (the entity) is in a way quite understandably angry with (it goes both ways). Instead of letting me have the number, he attacked me verbally, saying I had violated his boundaries, saying no one cares about him (that last part - so not true - we've listened to him talk about his family pain all year - and for me - for YEARS I have heard his stories of pain). I tried explaining to him this was about our daughter and the will - he didn't care. Didn't hear that. Just made it all about himself. Told me to look up the number himself. Stood there yelling at me talking about how I was violating his boundaries.
It's almost comical - how these types of people will yell at you, attack you, call you names as they accuse you of violating a boundary with them. But it isn't comical when you are forced to live with them due to $$ (more on that at the bottom).
So, I let it go and decided ok - try and find the number. I was not successful. A bit later he comes in and loudly shares the phone number, again adding how his boundaries were violated in this request. I had decided to contact this family member tomorrow instead of today as today is a certain family day that may be triggering. When the entity came back inside and demanded to know why I hadn't contacted the family member yet, I told him and again - he badgered me with his endless list of how his boundaries were violated, and why if I wasn't planning on contacting him today why did I ask for the number?
I tried one last time to explain the "why's". I had just learned it was a sensitive day today for the family, so I decided to make the contact tomorrow. I was able to get in about 3 words before the backlash of defensive words were returned, whereby I inserted my earbuds and turned on my happy healing positive self-talk files.
So I have some news to report. I have decided to explore returning to school to get a certification in order to land a job that pays more than my current income (as a supplement I should say). I've been making phone calls and doing internet research as to where and how as well as scholarships. I'm a wee bit concerned I can pull this off mentally. I already have cognitive issues due to long term stress, trauma and ptsd so my memory is not what it was when I was younger. But I know with support I can make this happen, support first coming from myself first. It will be self-paced which is what I need. Any support I can receive from those who read my work here is deeply appreciated and as deeply needed.
That is all for now. As always, thank you for paying me a visit.
🙏
M.E.