Lily
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Rules

Rules

Jan 24, 2023

I never used to have rules. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, consequences be damned. I didn't care who I hurt, even if it was myself.

Then I created rules. Rules to keep me from hurting others. Rules to keep me from hurting myself. I do really good following them too. 98% of the time, I never break a rule...

But sometimes, I forget exactly why the rules are in place. That 2%, that's where the damage happens.

This time, I knew I shouldn't break my rules but you were too good. You broke my defenses down faster than normal. In less than a minute, I didn't care about the rules, I only cared about that moment with you.

There went rule 1.

Then I did it again, knowing I shouldn't, knowing I should keep my mouth shut. But I didn't. I only uttered a couple simple words, words I thought you were capable of hearing, but it was enough to shatter the illusion that was us.

So long, rule 2.

I've tried to fix it. My simple words shattered who you are when the rules are followed. Apologies only go so far though when words are all you have. Actions mean nothing when there is an ocean of land between you. It's words or nothing.

But I've tried. Tried to find the path I instantly erased. Tried to show you that I want to go back to the way things were. But you no longer see me as the person I was before that 2% popped up.

I almost wish I broke a bigger rule. Or at least broke them better. Give a real reason for your distance. But truth is, I didn't realize how much like everyone else you are. Because I see you as more than them. But I guess I ruined that too.

I'm always so careful with my rules, 98% of the time, I'm so very careful. But that 2% gets me every single time.

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