It was a simple question, yet when I asked it the women across from me on the zoom screen broke down in tears. She didn't have to say anything because I knew what she was thinking and feeling. I asked her when the last time was she felt desired and beautiful, and she broke down crying. I took a breath and asked if she was alright. Then I asked if she was crying because she couldn't recall a time recently or perhaps ever that she felt desired and beautiful. She nodded her head as she wiped her tears. I knew exactly how she felt, because it hadn't been that long that I felt the same exact way.
So, I asked her when the last time she looked at herself in the mirror and gave herself a genuine compliment was. Her answer never. I told her to do it right then and there, take her computer or phone with her to the bathroom or to a mirror and look at herself and give herself a compliment. She stared and after a few minutes she shrugged her shoulders and said she couldn't think of anything to compliment. She had beautiful long brownish red hair, her eyes were beautiful hazel colored, and she had a lovely complexation. I told her all of this and she looked surprised, she looked back at her reflection and said she never noticed those things. I saw her face change as she began to see what I saw. I told her to tell me something else she like about herself, and she said she liked how creative she was and enjoyed making jewelry, she also liked that she was smart, and she was caring.
I asked why she thought she never noticed how beautiful her hair and eyes were, and she lowered her head and said no one had ever mentioned liking them before. However, people had made comments about her face being puffy because she was a little on the hazier side. I was surprised by this because this woman was not overweight at all. I asked how many people, and she sighed and said one her ex-boyfriend. So, when she noticed anyone looking at her, she assumed it was because they thought she was puffy or fat. She realized how she had let him control how she saw herself. We moved on from that to talking about what would make her feel beautiful, new clothes she wanted to dress in business casual style with jeans and sexy dress tops, and makeup. Turns out she loved eye makeup and wanted to try different looks but never did because she didn't want to draw attention to her face and didn't think jeans would look good on her.
This is where my experience as a makeup artist and stylist came in handy, I showed her how to do the eye makeup, and assured her jeans would look great on her, I even recommended a few styles to try. I gave her homework of going and trying clothes in the style she wanted to wear and getting makeup she liked. A week later we had a follow-up call, and she was glowing. And she said she was getting compliments daily and even met a new guy who was treating her with respect and kindness she deserved. But more importantly she was learning that her validation and approval was really the only one that mattered. And she learned that by prioritizing herself she showed up as the best version of herself. And I think it is so important for women to understand, they don't have to have other validate their beauty and worth. That will come as they start seeing and validating their beauty and worth. And that is why I love helping women with self love and confidence. It is the reason I created the Goddess Affect Coaching package.