There’s a moment many mothers recognise, though it rarely arrives with a clear warning.
Your daughter is still there—same face, same voice—but something feels… different. She’s quieter. Or sharper. Or suddenly more withdrawn. Maybe she’s tired all the time. Maybe she’s glued to her phone. Maybe she just doesn’t seem like herself.
And the hardest part?
You can’t quite put your finger on when it started.
As psychologist Dr. Emma Waddington and physician Dr. Gina Dahel explained on The Forties Formula podcast, the changes happening to girls today aren’t just visible—they’re subtle, layered, and often misunderstood.
Puberty Isn’t Just Physical—It’s Neurological
One of the most important reframes in this conversation is this: what’s happening to girls during puberty isn’t just about hormones affecting their bodies.
It’s about their brains being rewired in real time.
“The biggest change… is what’s happening in the brain,” Dr. Gina explains.
The emotional centres are developing faster than the rational ones. The parts of the brain responsible for impulse control and long-term thinking are still catching up.
Which means their feelings are bigger, their reactions are faster, and their social experiences matter more.
Add fluctuating hormones into that mix—oestrogen and progesterone rising and falling across the month—and it’s no wonder behaviour can feel unpredictable.
“It is just their biology at play,” says Dr. Gina. Not attitude. Not defiance. Not a parenting failure. Just biology.
Why Girls Feel It More
Boys and girls go through puberty. But they don’t experience it in the same way.
For girls, there’s an added layer: social evaluation.
“That social connection part of the brain… becomes more consumed by things like being accepted by their peers,” explains Dr. Emma. Friendships matter more. Opinions land harder. Rejection cuts deeper.
And increasingly, those dynamics are playing out online. Likes, comments, follows—they’re not trivial. They’re feedback loops.
“If they’re not getting that validation… it starts to affect things like self-esteem, confidence," says Dr Emma. And that helps explain why issues like perfectionism, comparison, and low self-worth are showing up earlier—and more intensely.
What Actually Helps (Hint: It’s Not Control)
If you’re a parent listening to this, the instinct is often to step in. To fix. To guide. To protect.
But Dr. Emma and Dr. Gina offer a different approach: Start earlier. Stay curious. And most importantly—keep the conversation open.
“If you want to have a great relationship with your teen, you need to start now," says Dr. Emma. Not when things go wrong. Not when they’re already pulling away. Now.
That means asking questions without interrogating. Listening without immediately correcting. Creating space where your daughter feels safe to bring things to you—even the uncomfortable ones.
Because once that door closes, it’s much harder to reopen.
The Mirror You Don’t Realise You Are
Perhaps the most confronting insight in this conversation is how much daughters absorb—not from what we say, but from what we model.
“How we talk about ourselves… is all being ingrained," says Dr. Gina.
If we criticise our bodies, they learn to criticise theirs.
If we dismiss our needs, they learn to minimise their own.
And conversely—
“If we want our daughters to grow up to value themselves, we have to value ourselves,” reminds Dr. Emma.
The Takeaway
Raising girls today isn’t about getting everything right.
It’s about staying close enough to notice when something changes—and open enough that they’ll let you in.
🎧 Listen to the full episode with Dr. Emma Waddington and Dr. Gina Dahel on The Forties Formula—and share it with a parent who’s trying to navigate this chapter with more clarity (and a little more compassion).