I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, and there is a cost to pay. As a teacher of 18 years, I’ve found the comfort of closing the classroom door and performing my act for various groups relaxing. Children are brutal, yet honest. I’m okay with that.
For years, I’ve had administrators and coaches exclaim “You’ve got great ideas!” Or “you work well with so many people.” I smile politely and say no thanks. I give the reason of wanting to stay in the class, which isn’t a total lie. The truth is I want success but I’m afraid of failing.
Took a leap of the cliff
I didn’t take baby steps that would have been wiser. In the span of months, I agreed and willing so to do the following:
English department chair
Academic architect for the district
Present at a regional education conference
Now I was wondering why my anxiety is on overdrive. If I fail, I fail on a regional, district, and school wide level. What have I done?!?!
Faith
God calls upon us and it’s not easy. I know He laid this mountain of seemingly impossible tasks before me because of years of preparation. Still I am but human.
We walk by faith right? This anxiety over failure has strengthen my faith in God and myself.
Coping strategies
I had to devise coping strategies to help me deal.
Thought deadlines: non-pressing issues I set a deadline to start worrying and remind myself of the date.
To do lists broken done by smaller tasks
Schedule brain breaks (yes, anxiety can cause your brain to lock up and not a good time for me)
Reminding myself of my successes and writing them down
Will I fail? I hope not, but I ease my mind with thought: at least I tried.