Can I start a habit? Can I maintain and establish a habit? Is it even possible with so many people with so many different needs to manage and a whole mess of perimenopausal brain and trauma brain and was it ever THAT good to begin with brain?
I'm feeling defeated.
I missed a deadline for an internship for my special needs kid for the year after graduation to help him get a job. I'm not sure how flexible they are.
I could do better if I chose not to have a life outside of being a mother.
I feel selfish for having my own life as a performer. I feel selfish for scheduling lunch with a friend today. I feel selfish. I probably am.
I need some goals.
I need to reassess my values and create a life that is in line with them.
I'm not a whiner. I am also not a liar. Today I feel defeated and selfish. BUT will I remember by noon? Ha! Or will someone come along and distract me? Note to the distracters in my brain -- I know you're trying to help by "getting my mind off of things" that stress me out, but not having my mind of them is precisely the problem. Perhaps we can negotiate a more productive approach to trying to make me feel better. Maybe find a way to make it fun? I don't know, but it's something to think about.
I'll probably post something about food later. I have some meal planning ideas that should help us all be healthier and save money. If I remember, right? Sigh.