Alright,
Or should I say "Aiight"
I'm gonna keep it real for you.
Falmouth is one of the worst ports I've ever encountered.
There's not much to do within the port itself (apart from buy tourist stuff) and definitely there is nothing worth seeing just outside the port. Except for getting ample supplies of that "good good" from pretty much every person on the street who will approach you and try to sell you that "good good" no matter how much you politely insist you are not interested in purchasing aforementioned "good good"
(side note if you're in the market for "good good" Falmouth is the place for you)
Here's a brief report
Coffee
NO
Good Wifi
NO
Grocery Store
NO
Good local cuisine
NO
Good Good
Ample supplies
IN SHORT
My only helpful life hack for Falmouth Jamaica is the Patty Port Wifi isn't completely terrible and you can log onto the staff wifi if you sweet talk the locals.
The code is PattyPort123
You're welcome
TOP TIPS
So either get a taxi to the beach or go do something or stay onboard or generally just accept your life is occasionally going to have days where you feel unfulfilled. And today in Falmouth is going to be one of those days
But also remember you and everyone you love are ants on a cosmic scale. Merely tiny specks of dust on an infinite plane so nothing you do matters or ever will matter anyway.
I leave you with that helpful nugget
Stephen
p.s. Thanks to Morrie (legend/dancer/president) for his contributions