Look up
4 years ago I had a break down. A proper full on screaming crying moment with myself.
No hope for the future; no love for my past and a complete lack of belief that there was any point in going on.
It couldn’t get any worse, it couldn’t get any better and no one could help me get out of the black hole I found myself in (or so I thought).
beyond crying; It had been playing with my mind for weeks. Just an utter feeling of despair.
Shattered - I’d allowed myself to reach a point beyond repair; a breakdown in communication with myself.
Sat outside St. Paul’s Cathedral, curled up in a ball with my chin and my nose touching the ground. I felt so alone.
And I remember watching myself as if I was having an outer body experience screaming at everyone walking by to “stop and go and help that guy over there. He’s drowning”.
But not one person paused to LOOK UP, to see if I was ok, if I needed anything or whether it might help for someone to be called. Not one. I had to drag that out of myself.
Faced with the embarrassment of admitting to myself and my boss (he was awesome) that I couldn’t cope any longer or end it all; I called. The alternative was ridiculous I told myself but only just.
I’m glad I called.
Three years later I ponder; what if I hadn’t had the strength that day to pick up the phone and make the call. Where would it have ended how would I have stopped it all?
Infront of a train; in front of a bus - no one stopped me or asked me to LOOK UP.
Who would have told my wife, my sons, my daughter (and now daughters). Who would have broken the news to my parents, my brothers, my sister and friends? We are all one of those in the end.
But thankfully that wasn’t needed.
I’m not mended or fixed but I’m far better than I was and I’m glad that I gave myself that chance.
I have a beautiful wife and children, I live in a beautiful place and I have an award winning coffee house - The Freshwater Coffee House - as a result of that day. I’ve also returned to my first love and passion - coaching and am about to open my own gallery and a barista training room - The Little Boat IOW.
I am now so grateful that in that moment I was able to weigh up all of my options and at my lowest ebb hold onto what I had to be grateful for. But not everyone has that or realises that they do.
In a connected world it strikes me that we should only truly claim to be connected if we are able to LOOK UP enough to see the happiness and sadness in those around us. We have Facebook, we have Twitter and we have Zoom but being connected isn’t about being ‘connected’ - it’s about connecting. That is what humanity is about for me. The act of loving, caring, nurturing and being there.
Ask yourself would those you are ‘connected with’ LOOK UP for you? If not, it might be time for a re-evaluation.
I am lucky to have truly connected with people via the mediums I listed but it’s because I LOOKED UP too.
If you see someone sat, or walking in tears. If you hear someone sobbing or lost. If you find someone left out on a limb on their own; whether on the street, in work or home. If you haven’t heard from someone in a while or just think someone on that call wasn’t themselves. Pause and turn around.
LOOK UP from your phone, your book or your shoes. Walk over to them, call them look them in the eye or lend them your ear and mean these words with every inch of your being:
How are you REALLY doing?
Would you let me help you....
What do you need...
You can get through this...
I’m here for you...
Not everyone feels that they have a sufficient reason to keep going. Or a reason to LOOK UP - I did; you do too and if we can each make sure that one other person feels that way too - we’ll have done a great thing.
Stefan - 19052020 08:51
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Some explanation
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